Are You Hijacking Your Own Happiness?

When I think about the importance of gratitude a popular refrain from Joni Mitchell’s hit, Big Yellow Taxi comes to mind.

“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.”

The song has been covered by numerous bands throughout the years and its message is as relevant now as ever. Some consider it a protest song against corporate greed and a wake-up call to protect the environment.  I embrace that message, but I also see the song as a call to action to appreciate what we have in our lives.

With the restrictions to prevent the spread of COVID-19 many of us can’t help but resent “our new normal” that includes the loss of jobs, the cancellation of life events, public gatherings and social activities, as well as the mandatory wearing of face masks. Life as we once knew it has changed.

However, focusing on what we have lost does not improve our situation. 

There is a Buddhist story with an excerpt about a man “who spends night and day counting his neighbor’s wealth but gains not even half a coin.” 

The overall message is about the futility of looking outside of one’s self to find happiness, but I think that is a tough concept for most of us. An easier message that I think more of us can identify with is that focusing on what we don’t have leaves us feeling angry, envious and unfulfilled.

The anecdote is to have an attitude of gratitude and turn our attention to the many blessings we have in our lives.

I try to start my mornings and evening by reciting a list of what I am thankful for. This can be about the people in my life (including those who have passed away) to basic needs such as a roof over my head or enough food to eat. Even being able to wake up and see a new day is a huge benefit.

Sometimes my appreciation extends to more mundane conveniences.

I recently returned from a camping trip with my spouse, CB. It was nice to see more than the landscape outside of my immediate neighborhood. Since the pandemic my ventures have been limited to my immediate neighborhood. I haven’t even been to a grocery store since March of 2020. I was looking forward to a change in my surroundings – even if it meant boon-docking in a small, Little Guy trailer.

In spite of a t-shirt that proclaims the opposite, I’m not a happy camper. I love the outdoors, but camping is a messy business. Even the easiest tasks are work. I haul water, cook outside, relieve myself in a bucket and have limited access to a shower. When I’m in a bad mood I consider it torture with a stunning view.

There are, however, a few silver linings.

The nighttime sky with its incredible “starscape” is breathtaking. Daytime strolls present a variety of magnificent trees, plants, birds and other wildlife that help me feel more connected to nature. When I return home I have a new appreciation for even the most ordinary things. I rejoice in my first hot shower. I give my washing machine a loving pat on its enamel lid as I throw my smelly clothing into its basin. And the sound of a flushing toilet is like music to my ears.

I can take a sigh of relief. I am home again.

Truth be told, we ALL have a lot to be thankful for. I have found (through trial and error and a lot of research) that transforming an attitude from grouchy to appreciative is a matter of focus. The trick is to make a concerted, ongoing effort away from the things that we find upsetting to those that bring us joy.

If you don’t think you have anything to be grateful for, you might need to expand your world view a bit. For instance, those who are perusing this blog can be thankful to have a phone or computer to access this message. Even having the ability to read is a gift that is not enjoyed by some.

This appreciative effort extends to humankind. Even people we never meet have helped us in countless ways. They grow the food we eat and provide essential goods and services we depend on every day. It is essential we look beyond our own needs and appreciate our connections with others. To ignore this humanistic concept gives rise to a society suffocating in isolation, mistrust, hostility and apathy.

We are so much better than that.

The good news is it is not too late. The proverbial “big yellow taxi” in Joni Mitchell’s song (that can be symbolic of our negativity) can take a positive detour toward a happier, more helpful direction. We can start by appreciating things now and not wait until it’s gone.

For more direction on how to lead a happier life, please check out my book, Erase Negativity, on Amazon, or contact me at Markspr@cox.net to order an autographed copy.

What Happened to Prunes?

 I‘m a creature of habit – particularly at breakfast. Unlike lunch and dinner where I don’t want to eat the same thing two days in a row, I’m more than happy to eat the same thing for breakfast EVERY DAY. 

But one day things changed. My younger sister, Tina, was over when I was eating my breakfast. She laughed at my prunes. She wasn’t the first person to make fun of the wrinkled fruit. My daughter, Brittany, thought it was quite funny that prunes resembled the desired after-effect that eating the fruit was supposed to evoke. I could take the gentle ribbing from my child, but my sister’s laughter at the prunes (and the connotation that it was something “old” people ate) was too much for me. 

I stopped eating prunes. 

I recently had an appendectomy. Although my surgeon didn’t know why my appendix became inflamed, or why it would happen to someone with a healthy diet, I decided to take steps to keep things “moving”.

I made a commitment to drink more water, exercise more often, and eat prunes again. 

The problem is I couldn’t find prunes in the store. I looked and looked and looked. However, my observant and more detailed-oriented spouse, CB, found the bagged fruit and plopped them in our Costco cart. I looked at the bag. It was labeled “sun sweet plums”.

All those years I was basing my search on the name “prunes” and bags of “plums” did not compute.  

Now, I’m not stupid. I know prunes are dried plums. As a public relations and marketing professional I can understand the name change. Prunes have a bad image. The word “prune” can mean “to make a facial expression exhibiting ill temper or disgust.”  People refer to old people, or other old things, as shriveled up old prunes. Plus people eat prunes when they are constipated. That is funny too (unless it happens to you and then it is a painfully unpleasant experience). 

Plums, on the other hand, have a good reputation. People use the expression “plum” for referring to  something of a superior or desireable kind, such as a financial bonus or "plum" position. Let’s not forget the nursery rhyme about little Jack Horner.

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said 'What a good boy am I!'[1]

Now the poem is supposedly a satire with political overtones, but when I recited that nursery rhyme as a tot, no one explained that to me. All I knew is Jack stuck his grimy thumb in a pie, snagged a plum, and thought he pulled off some sort of heroic feat. Centuries later it left another subliminal message.  Plums are good. Prunes are bad. 

However, I must concede, prunes are funny. I remember back in 1967 I was watching television with my little brother, Terry. A commercial about prunes came on the air. It made us both laugh. It’s worth watching.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRDLaSG6csA

But it also made me think. This ad was not only humorous; it was a great marketing campaign. Even as a grade-school-er, I was inspired by it. I thought that if my desire to be a sitcom writer didn’t pan out, I could make my way in society by making fun of fruit and vegetables. Who knew it would turn into a career in public relations and marketing? 

But the story of the prunes took an unexpected turn for me. Rather than having food engineers get rid of the “wrinkles” as they promised in that funny commercial, the marketing folks decided to just change the name.  Shakespeare may have had Juliet say, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." And that may be true. But when you change a bag of prunes to a bag of plums, you might confuse a few folks who are looking for prunes to repair their internal plumbing.

Not one to hold a grudge about the name change, I have decided to poke fun of things with a poem of my own.

My gut was full,

intestines stuck.

I looked for prunes

but no such luck.

The name had changed from prune to plum.

I saw it not, gee I feel dumb.

A lesson learned, I do implore,

“read the labels at the store”.

Both prunes and plums will help you go.

But if not careful you may not know

that a rose by another name might smell as sweet

Or be ignored and spell defeat.

---

[1] Opie and P. Opie, The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1951, 2nd edn., 1997), pp. 234–7.

What is the RX for Happiness for Healthcare Providers?

 

In honor of our healthcare providers I am posting an article I wrote a few years ago on how nurses can reduce negativity in trying times. This was written prior to COVID-19 and is even more true today than ever.  I hope you enjoy it and feel free to share it with others. 

For everyday tips on how to reduce negativity please check out my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. It's available in paperback on Amazon and the e-book is available on smashwords.com. 

Nurses begin their shifts knowing they will face obstacles. They understand the dangers, so they take proper precautions. For example, diligent handwashing prevents the spread of infection; proper lifting techniques can prevent injury. But "dangers" also lurk when humans interact. Therefore, classes on improving communication are a mainstay in hospitals to prevent verbal disasters. However, one of the most pernicious afflictions nurses face is an internal one - battling negativity. Enormous workloads, shrinking staffs and the fear of making a life-threatening mistake are all contributing factors to stress, which can lead to pessimism. But having good justification for negativity does not improve the situation. Fortunately, there are a few tips to create a happier work environment. However the cure is more like physical therapy than penicillin. Negativity is a learned habit. Erasing a gloomy outlook and replacing it with a positive alternative is a skill set nurses must cultivate. Creating a Pleasant Workplace Creating a pleasant workplace by modifying the behavior of others would be ideal. Unfortunately, that course of action rarely works. If nurses want to reduce negativity at work, the process begins with them. Once anti-negativity skills are mastered, nurses can serve as role models for others, which can create a surge of cheerfulness that ripples throughout the hospital or office. The first steps to combat negativity are: 1. Recognize negativity has creeped its way into your life and is holding your happiness hostage; 2. Erase negative thoughts, speech and actions and replace them with more empowering and productive alternatives; and 3. Smile every day, even (and especially) when you do not want to. Lest you think you only churn out happy musings, consider this statistic: the average person has 40,000-65,000 thoughts a day and a whopping 95 percent of those thoughts are negative. The good news is, even a little improvement can have lasting effects. After recognizing pessimistic ponderings lurk within, the next step is to erase the undesirable thoughts with a positive alternative. An example might be about illness. Rather than saying, "I don't want to get sick," say "I enjoy vibrant health." By repeating the positive message, eventually your brain will respond to the kinder choice and your immune system will be strengthened. There is evidence that not only do optimistic people enjoy better health, when they do get exposed to maladies such as the common cold, their bodies produce more antibodies. Nasty speech directed at others can be replaced with a simple, "bless you." If you can bless people when they sneeze and spray germs, the same method can be used for poisonous words. A whispered "bless you" can ward off the eruption of a nasty remark. Many negative thoughts, speech and actions are automatic. To short circuit the default response, it helps to take a deep breath and imagine a serene setting before responding in an unkind way. Related Content ·         The Pleasure Principle ·          ·         Creating Personal Happiness Smiling is also a strong anecdote to grouchiness. It may sound simplistic, but studies have shown that a cornucopia of chemical reactions occur when a person smiles, whether or not the smile is sincere.2 The goal is to present an authentic grin, but if you have to fake it until you make it, the results can be surprisingly effective. Try smiling at your reflection in the mirror for one full minute before leaving the house. This works even when you don't want to smile because the irony of grinning when you're feeling crabby is usually enough to make even a curmudgeon snicker. Avoiding Negativity Something that is not worth smiling about is gossip. Lisa Hinojosa, RN, a nurse at Boulder Community Hospital in Boulder, CO, remarked that one of the most toxic forms of negativity is feeding the rumor mill. "Gossip is a huge problem at work because the hospital is like a little town where everyone knows everyone else," said Hinojosa. "In addition to ruining reputations it is a distraction from our main goal, working as a team to take care of the patient. "Malicious speech takes its toll. It is destructive and a major roadblock to a positive, joyful, fun and fulfilling experience at work. Even when everyone is getting along, if one negative or critical person walks in, the positive atmosphere can instantly turn sour. One person's negativity can ignite a chain reaction. Before you know it, even those who rarely gossip can get sucked in and agree with, and even add to the critical chatter. From there it spreads and fuels the fire of dissention - often beyond repair." Visit Our Nursing Specialty Websites! ·         LPN ·         Emergency Department ·         Management /Faculty ·         Critical Care ·         Med/Surg One method to counteract gossip is to do what Hinojosa said she does - walk away. Gossip needs a friendly ear and mouth to spread. A braver tactic is to confront the gossiper and compassionately suggest a kinder topic. If gossiping is one of your weaknesses, try asking yourself a couple of questions before engaging in the verbal negativity: ·  Is what I'm about to say hurtful in any way? ·  What is my motivation for saying this? ·  Is what I'm about to say coming from a place of love and respect, or a place of anger and cruelty By asking yourself a few questions before you speak you can save yourself, and others, a lot of pain and grief. That is not to say that silence is always golden, particularly when it comes to patient care. "One of the most common issues that leads to negativity in the workplace is feeling understaffed, which can also lead to increased fatigue in staff members," said Linda McFarland, RN, a nurse at Angels Care Home Health in Cottonwood, AZ. "Most facilities use a staffing model to identify how many nurses should cover the number of patients in a given area. What these models do not take into account on a regular basis is the acuity of the patient." In cases where patients are at risk, it is a nurse's duty to speak up. McFarland said organizations such as the American Nursing Association have been encouraging nurses to voice their concerns regarding patient safety, nurse fatigue, as well as working with hospital staff to ensure there are enough nurses on the floor to properly address the needs of all the patients - particularly those who need more time-intensive care. According to the ANA website, "the national nursing organization advocates for the Registered Nurse Safe Staffing Act of 2010 (S. 3491/ H.R. 5527) that would hold hospitals accountable for the development and implementation of unit-by-unit staffing plans that ensure appropriate nurse staffing levels for quality patient care." While there is no fail proof method to bring up patient safety concerns without some backlash, it is important to communicate with compassion and focus on a solution, rather than assigning blame, which creates further conflict. There is no doubt nurses have a tough job. Patients are sick and in pain, some cranky physicians yell when nurses are forced to call them in the middle of the night, and life and death decisions need to be made every day. By using a few tips to reduce negativity on an ongoing basis, nurses can inject a little more optimism into the workplace, as well as make positive steps toward a happier, healthier life and career. References 1. Why optimists enjoy better health. (May 2008). Harvard Health Publications. Retrieved Feb. 25, 2011 from the World Wide Web, http://www.health.harvard.edu/press_releases/why-optimists-enjoy-better-health. 2. Dal Cero, M.A. (Apri 16, 2009). What a smile can do. Helium Psychology. Retrieved Feb. 25, 2011, from the World Wide Web, http://www.helium.com/items/1418154-what-a-smile-can-do. Sally Marks is a motivational coach, speaker and the co-author of the self-improvement book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. You can visit her website at http://www.erasenegativity.com/ or read her humorous blog at http://www.erasenegativity.blogspot.com/