Aloha Oe, Aloha Oe, Until We Meet Again

I found out this morning that a friend of mine died last night. I knew it was inevitable. Allen had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer almost two years ago. I remember I shuddered when I first heard the news about his illness. Pancreatic cancer is not only a death sentence – it’s a horrifically painful one. The doctors said Allen would only live a few months. But they didn’t know Allen Abad. As a Grand Master in martial arts, he not only knew how to fight – he knew how to live. With focused prayer, he extended his life by at least a year.

And in that year I personally saw how Allen used his time to encourage others. I remember we were both at a Buddhist study meeting last summer. A young, single mom named Tiffany was there with her one-year old son. I was familiar with this young woman’s plight and I knew that she would really benefit from embarking on a Buddhist practice. Out of the corner of my eye I watched her as different men and women discussed Buddhist philosophy and history. Tiffany’s eyes glossed over and she fidgeted in her seat.

“This isn’t reaching her at all,” I thought to myself. “Not only is she not going to join this practice, we’ll be lucky to get her to attend another meeting.” This sad fact (or assumption on my part) was really a shame. From my own experience, I knew that chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, and learning about how to live a Buddhist life would be of great benefit to this young mother. However, as I watched Tiffany, I sensed she was hoping her son would have a poopie diaper so she would have a good reason to leave the room (and maybe sneak out a window). I felt my hopes of her deciding to chant were as futile as expecting the home team to win when they are down by 20 points with only seconds left to play.

Then it was Allen’s turn to speak. He was supposed to give the background on some historical event that happened in the 1200s. Instead, he stood up and apologized that he wasn’t able to prepare the material he was supposed to give, but asked if he could give a personal experience instead. Everyone perked up a bit. Allen is a tiny man, but he has a masterful presence. He talked about his illness, his determination to fight it, and his joy to be alive. It was mesmerizing. In a few short minutes, he had transformed a sleepy room full of Buddhists and guests, to emboldened men and women who were inspired to change the world.

Allen’s physical body may have been dying, but his words brought life to everyone in the room. Tiffany was so encouraged she made the decision to become a practicing Buddhist. It was a magical moment. It was one of many meetings where Allen lifted the spirits of those around him. Allen was an anomaly. He had the fighting spirit of a lion, the humility of a sage, as well as a kind and gentle heart. When he spoke, he spoke through his heart and connected to the hearts of everyone around him. It wasn’t an intellectual exchange, it was a humanistic one.

Allen, in the physical form that I have known for many years, is gone. But not his spirit. As long as I am alive, the things he said, and the way he lived, will be instilled in my heart. In my saddest moments, I will remember his words and use it as an elixir to mend my heart. And in my finest moments I hope I can use his example as a way to help others.

I can think of nothing more appropriate to say goodbye to my Hawaiian-born friend and fellow peace lover than through the lyrics of one of my favorite childhood songs written by Hawaiia's last monarch, Queen Lili’uokalini.

Aloha Oe, Aloha Oe
Until we meet again.

I just watched the Oscar-winning movie, Slum Dog Millionaire. What an amazing film! I experienced a full range of feelings, from sorrow and fear, to elation and joy. I sat in the theater after the movie ended and let a gamut of emotions wash over me.

The movie was awe insring in a number of ways. The most obvious example is it sheds light on a subject that is easy to ignore. India is thousands of miles away, so it is easy to remain oblivious to the poverty and pain of millions of people, especially when we have problems at home to deal with. However, as the movie unfolds through the lives of three young children and what they encounter, it is impossible to ignore the pains and joys they experience. The viewer is swept into their world and vicariously experiences what life is like for billions of people. Hopefully, this glimpse at another world will invoke a desire to help - or at least cultivate compassion - for the plight of others.

Watching this film also reminded me of one of the main reasons I became a writer. Writers can use language to inspire, educate, generate fear, or simply entertain. I've always been drawn to the humorous component of writing, but I took a more traditional route when Jackie and I decided to write, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. I'm a problem solver. I see an injustice and I want to correct it. When I notice how an action or habit is causing a problem in someone's life, I feel compelled to help.

I can't go around pointing a finger at folks and saying, "Hey you, if you would just do this, this and this, your life would be so much better." Well, actually I have done that, but only to people I know. I usually preface it with, "I'm going to offer you some unsolicited advice..." Most of the time I wait until people come to me for these pearls of wisdom. If not, it can be like passing out a snow cone on a hot day. If you want a snow cone, that's great. If you don't, it's a drippy mess. However, I must confess, there are times I can't restrain myself and I offer suggestions anyway.

The best way for me to keep out of trouble - and still acknowledge my compulsion to help others - was to write a book. However, my coauthor, Jackie and I didn't limit the book to our own experiences. We interviewed a number of people, from meth addicts to millionaires. The result was life stories that provide useful examples on how the reader can erase negativity from their lives. There is advice in each chapter too, but a lot of the power of the message is by using the life stories of others as a teaching tool.

So here's a story I want you to create. Since I'm writing this on April Fool's Day, it can be a little game you can play to trick yourself into feeling more compassion. When someone annoys you, I want you to send them a silent prayer. Instead of invoking the four letter word that easily coomes to mind, try substituting the word, "bless." When someone cuts you off in traffic, say "bless you." Is your boss grumpy again? It's time for another blessing. Living with a snotty teenager? "Bless you, bless you bless you."

At first you may feel like a whiff of pepper at an allergy convention, but that's okay. Saying "bless you" is better than cursing, it will keep you out of trouble, and, in time, it may even provide a little perspective. Because just as it is difficult to imagine the poverty of those in third world countries, the same is true for your grumpy boss, a rude sales clerk, and discourteous drivers. Anyone can curse, but it takes a rare individual who can offer a little prayer.

Make each day a blessed one.

Sally and Jackie

Cloud Watching

When I was a kid I remember lying in the grass and looking up at the sky. I’d watch the clouds float by and imagine each fluffy shape was any number of things, from dragons to puppy dogs.

I still find it interesting to look at cloud shapes. But now my sky gazing is mostly limited to strolls in the desert, or riding as a passenger in the car. It would be fun to be a cloud watcher while I’m stuck in traffic, but if I were to do that while navigating the highway I’d probably rear end a few cars and send myself and a couple innocent commuters to heaven ahead of schedule. It’s like Kenny Chesney’s lyrics, “everybody want to go to heaven, but nobody want to go now.” So, I’ll pay attention to where I’m driving and wait to see whether that Cumulonimbus looks like a horse or a battle ship.

However, cloud gazing has taken on a new meaning for me lately. I’ve been making it a priority to live in the present moment and appreciate the simple beauty in the world. Isn’t it ironic how we will save for months to go on a week’s long vacation to an exotic place and spend the rest of the year ignoring the beauty that is right outside our door?

But I must confess I have another reason for cloud watching. I recently read a book on how many of the questions we face can be answered by observing nature. This is nothing new. Mankind has been looking to the heavens, plants, animals, tea leaves and any number of physical manifestations to help guide us through life.

A case in point is my own insecurity as an author. I’ve known I was going to be a writer since I was 10 years old. I’ve been published in numerous magazines and won a bunch of awards, but there is always that nasty little voice that crawls from the dirtiest, dustiest part of my brain and sticks its gooey little head out of ear and tells me I’m no good. The little rat fink loves to taunt me when I’m down. She also harasses me when I’m feeling good.

I’ve mostly caught on to her shenanigans and recognize it as the Fundamental Darkness (aka as FD) that all of us share. Of course everyone’s FD will manifest in different ways. Mine mostly takes the form of a writer’s critic telling me that everything I write is schlock. It’s like an internal boogey man. However, just like the boogey man disappears when you turn on the light, mine disappears when I have more enlightened thoughts, actions and speech.

However, I was having a few doubts the other day and I asked for a sign that Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, the book Jackie and I are writing, is going to be successful. I was feeling a tad depressed because I received a couple rejections. I understand it takes time to find the right publisher, but there is always that nagging doubt that I ought to do something else with my life. Anyway, I asked for a sign of what I should do. I looked up at the clouds and I saw a little creature with two paws together, as if in prayer.

“Okay, I get it,” I said to myself. “I need to pray.” Of course I don’t need the clouds to tell me this. I know it, my senior leaders in faith know it, and most of the planet knows that prayer and meditation help us find the answers we desperately seek. But, I’m still human and need to be reminded of the obvious. So I got the message – literally – and did what I was supposed to do. But, being human, I was impatient when a crystal-clear, in-your-face, answer wasn’t forthcoming. This time I said out loud. “Listen, maybe I’m dense, but I need a very obvious sign that I’m on the right track with this book. Can you send me a sign that leaves no room for doubt?”

The next day I left to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with Rosie, a fellow Buddhist (see the blog entry, A Rosie Outlook for more about this charming woman). We chanted and chatted. Before I left she told me that she had read my blog and enjoyed my stories. She encouraged me to keep up my writing. Of course I was elated. It’s ironic that I went there with the thought that I would encourage her, and here she was encouraging me. But, that’s how life goes sometimes.

Anyway, I left feeling like my writing was having a positive effect and that I was definitely on the right track. I asked. The universe sent an answer. And there was nothing subtle about it.

Are all my battles won? Nope. Will my FD creep back in? No doubt it will. But I have a plan. When FD returns and emerges from my ear wax, I’ll shed a little light on things and she will melt away. Ewwww. Okay, so maybe I could use a nicer image. How about this? Today, the world seems a little brighter and my heart feels a little lighter. And if you’re wondering about where you’ll find my head and spirit, just look up at the heavens. You’ll seem them both floating on cloud nine.

True Happiness

I recently posted a story, The Unwanted Christmas Tree, on http://www.ezine.com/. I don’t want to ruin the plot as I hope you will read the story for yourself, but suffice it to say that a similar scenario is facing thousands of families during this economic crisis that we are facing today.

However, no matter what your financial circumstances may be, or what time of year it is, there is a gift we can give to ourselves and our loved ones – the gift of ourselves. This can be time spent reading to a child, listening to the stories of an elderly relative, the courtesy of opening a door for someone with a heavy load, or simply offering a sincere compliment to a stranger.

None of these interactions cost a dime, yet how many times have you felt too rushed, too angry, or too self absorbed to offer these little kindnesses. And the sad thing is this not only robs so many people of a bright spot in their day, it prevents us from being the warm, loving and kind human being we were born to be.

The truest happiness exists not in how big our bank account is, what kind of car we drive, or where we sit on the corporate ladder. All of those things can come and go in an instant. Read or watch the news and you will see how some kingpin or beautiful actress has fallen from grace. Money, fame and power may be something we strive for, but even if we attain it, there is no guarantee it will last. Therefore, if we base our happiness on something transient, our happiness will not be long lasting. However, the positive relationships we develop with others, as well as our connection to the earth, God, or whatever spiritual practice we observe, can have long lasting benefits.

I had a taste of my own medicine this week when I lost two major accounts in my public relations business. It was a deep cut that reduced my monthly income by half. It threw me for a loop at first as I knew I had done a great job for both clients. However, in this economy, there are going to be some setbacks. Fortunately, I don’t believe life needs to be easy to be enjoyed. And I saw a lesson in my unexpected financial diet.

Frankly, I had been a little lazy about getting new accounts. This was a needed wake up call. Now I have the opportunity to build my clientele with new businesses that share my view on creating a more peaceful world, as well as a greener environment. I don’t want to settle for just earning a living, I want to contribute to the betterment of society. And as if by magic, I heard from someone I never met, who contacted and hired me for a great assignment. This isn't the end of my financial difficulties, but it helps. However more importantly, my days of sinking into despair and thinking "I'm no good because I don't have enough money" are no longer a part of my daily mantra.

You can develop the same attitude. In fact, we hope you will. That is why we developed this blog, and our upcoming book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. Let's fight this current stream of negativity and be a beam of hope. And to help spread this message, my coauthor Jackie and I are willing to speak to your group or association on the topics outlined in Erase Negativity. During the month of March, we will do this for free.

Spring is the perfect time to spread this optimistic message. And remember, if we all work together – even in the smallest ways – by showing kindness to strangers, smiling at folks as they walk by, working at something that is meaningful to ourselves and others, as well as trying to find the positive in even the darkest situation, we can make a big difference. Feel free to email us with your thoughts and questions.

Peace, love and happiness,

Sally

The Day the Music Died

I was listening to the oldies station the other day and the song, American Pie, by Don McLean came on. I was alone in my car, so I belted out the lyrics “drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry” with abandon. It made me think of the first time I heard the song in 1971. My boyfriend (later my husband who eventually became my ex husband) and I were driving my car to the Salt River. Somehow singing “Drove my Dodge to the river, but the river’s not dry” just didn’t have the same pizzaz. But I digress.

The song is about the death of Buddy Holly and has the famous line, “the day the music died.” I enjoy listening to music. On occasion I compose an original song, or spoof silly lyrics to an existing melody. Music is a source of joy for me. However, there was a time when the music died in my life.

In the late 1990s I separated from my husband of 26 years. I tried to rebuild a life for myself and my youngest daughter, Brittany. It was a difficult and painful time. In a matter of months my marriage dissolved, I was laid off from my job of eight years, my teenage daughter was skipping school and in danger of flunking out, and two of my closest friends deserted me. My confidence was in the toilet. I mistakenly thought a relationship would make things good again. I found a new love, but to my chagrin, I was dumped after three months. I was a middle-aged, college-educated woman, yet I seemed unsuccessful in making my way in the world. Every time I turned on the radio, a song from a happier past hit me like a slap across the face. I turned the radio off and drove in silence. I did this for months.

Then one day as I was driving home from work, I turned the radio on so I could hear the traffic report. A happy song floated through the air waves. Instead of changing the station, I let the song play. I’m not sure why, but something shifted in my pessimistic brain. I looked at the horizon and noticed a gorgeous sunset. It was, in fact, a beautiful spring day. Why hadn’t I noticed this before? Nothing in my situation had changed, only my thoughts. I felt happy again. I decided to build on that. If I could be happy for five minutes, I could be happy for 15. In time, minutes stretched to hours, and hours into days.

Once I realized that I could shift my thoughts from the old “woe as me” and concentrate on the many good things in my life, I felt better. It wasn’t like there wasn’t anything good in my life. I just chose to concentrate – okay DWELL - on the negatives. It was no wonder I felt rotten.

Every day since then, I make it a point to think of a few things I’m grateful for. I wake up and say out loud how happy I am to be alive. As I go through my morning routine I continue contemplating the many wonderful things I have – my health, my family, my friends… The list goes on. As I read the paper I realize how fortunate I am that I can read. There are a lot of people in the world where literacy is a luxury. I have use of all of my five senses, touch, taste, hearing, sight and smell. I have a roof over my head and enough food to eat. I may not always agree with the political shenanigans that take place, but I am grateful to live in the United States where we enjoy a number of freedoms that others can only imagine.

The joy generated from an optimistic outlook is not unique. It is well documented that individuals who express appreciation on a daily basis feel happier and enjoy a more fulfilling life. I just read an article that states that individuals who express gratitude in their lives report fewer physical maladies, sleep better, are more optimistic, exercise more, and enjoy a greater sense of connectedness with others.

In our upcoming book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, a whole chapter is dedicated to gratitude (Oh Gracious Me!) Every single person who was interviewed for the book commented on how important expressing gratitude was for their success and happiness in life. So if you don’t already have a gratitude journal, recite daily affirmations, or take note of the blessings in your life, why not give it a try? The only thing you have to lose is a little negativity.

Play Ball!

I was at a Buddhist meeting the other day and we were asked to create a bucket list. The inspiration for this exercise came from the movie, The Bucket List starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. In the movie the main characters create a list of things they want to see and do before they die (or kick the bucket).

I’m a big list maker, so I quickly wrote:

Publish my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within
Sell my screenplays
Hit a home run in softball

In my more expanded bucket list I jotted down a few thoughts about improving a few relationships, as well as a few more altruistic goals, but the three that are listed above were the first ones that came to mind. I suppose I could have wished for world peace of something like that, but I wanted to be honest with myself, as well as with those who were with me at the meeting.

The book, which is still a work in progress, is a burning desire that I’m confident will come into being. It’s just not happening as quickly as I would like. I have my timetable and the universe has another. I can get annoyed that things aren’t going quickly, but it’s a bit like shouting at a rosebud to hurry up and bloom. Things take time.

Unlike the book, I’ve been hammering away at screenplays for several years. My first project was conceived when I was 19, but I didn’t complete it until I was in my 20s. During that time I took classes, went to seminars, paid a script analyst to look it over, followed by additional revisions based on his suggestions. In retrospect, while the script, Vanishing Dream, had some great lines and moments, I can honestly say the screenplay will not be made. Nor should it be. It stinks. But that’s okay, I learned a lot while I wrote it. It served its purpose and now it’s behind me. Not every experience or endeavor is going to reap magnificent rewards. It’s all a part of the learning process.

Last on my list is my goal of hitting a home run. I played softball in junior and senior high. I was mediocre at best, but I enjoyed the game and the camaraderie of team sports. I would fantasize about smacking a grand slam and scoring the winning run in a tournament. I would cross home plate, and the entire team would welcome me with cheers. It never exactly happened like that. I did come close, once, but that’s another story. The fact is, I never did hit that home run in the prime of my youth. Sometimes when I’d reminisce, it made me a little sad about this unaccomplished feat.

But when I turned 50 I began to play ball again. I currently play on a senior softball league for women. I have no delusions. Just like before, I’m a mediocre player. However, I’m basically healthy, I haven’t had to have any hip or knee replacements (don’t laugh, a lot of the gals in the league have and they play in spite of it) and I love playing. It makes me feel like a kid again (except afterward when I’m sore and have to soak in the hot tub).

Since I’m not a big or strong athlete, I know that it isn’t going to be easy for me to hit a home run. I usually hit the ball to short stop, or sometimes center field, and I have to run like hell so I can beat out the throw. A lot of the times I make it, throw my hands in the air in victory, while my teammates cheer. If the first baseman makes a bad throw, I can make it to second base. They usually won’t make a bad throw to second, but if they did, I’d be ready to run to third. At that point I’d probably need to stop and rest a bit. But who knows, maybe my adrenalin would kick in and I could go all the way?

The thing is, it’s possible. Maybe it won’t be today (we already played and I only hit a single). But maybe it will happen during the tournament this weekend. There’s still time and I still have hope. Even if it doesn’t happen this season, there’s always next year. Heck, we have Betty, the oldest gal in the league, on our tam. She’s 80 years old and still going strong. If I stay healthy I could be playing for another 20, 25 or 30 years! With a decade, two or three ahead of me, chances are very good that I’ll master my swing and make that dream of smacking a “home run” a reality.

Upon reflection, I realize that even if I never hit one over the fence, I don’t have to be a slugger to earn a big hoot and a holler. My teammates cheer, wave and shout to each other in greetings just for showing up to play. As one spectator said to me one day, “Every day above ground is a good day.” This is the fourth year I have played in the senior league. Despite emotional setbacks, financial woes, illness or injuries, we all get out there and give it our best. And our best keeps changing.

Today, as our coach encouraged us to stretch to go after a hard-to-catch ball she said, “If you try, you might. If you don’t, you won’t.” It works that way in life too. So, whether it’s getting a publisher for my book, selling my scripts, or hitting a home run, I’m going to go after my bucket list with all I’ve got. And I hope you will create your own list and go for it too.

Boarish Behavior

Boars get a bad rap. At least that is my assessment after hearing an interesting story the other day.

I attended the wedding of a friend. I didn’t know anyone except the bride and my spouse, CB. As we waited to go into the reception area, CB and I chatted with a few of the guests. One nice couple lived close to the resort where the wedding was held. Eventually, the conversation segued to the beauty of the desert terrain and interesting wildlife that inhabited the area.

After a humorous tale about rattle snakes and swimming pools, one gentleman talked about how the entrance of his home became a makeshift maternity clinic. He described the scenario. It was a cold night and a pregnant javelina (wild pig) sought safety and warmth to deliver her baby. The mother lay near the front door, protected on three sides by the house. The remaining side was open. However, nine other javelina came to the rescue and formed a semi circle in front of the pregnant sow – offering protection and warmth. Once the sow delivered, the boars went on their way back into the desert.

I found this story very inspiring. In my mind’s eye I envisioned these hairy beasts lying on their sides, the vapor of their breath rising in the night air. It must have been very reassuring to the pregnant sow to have her comrades at her side while she brought her little one into the world. I had no idea that javelina had such a cooperative nature. I usually think of boars as rude, selfish and uncaring. In fact, I can’t even tell you how many times I have heard the word “boar,” or a derivative, used to describe unsavory behavior and characteristics.

I also thought about how inspiring it was to hear this simple tale. Rather than a superficial discussion of the weather, it was refreshing to hear a story that offered hope and inspiration. If boars can work together in a cold and dangerous situation, then surely human beings can too.

As the wedding festivities continued throughout the evening, we talked to a variety of individuals. One woman spent several years teaching brain-damaged children to swim. Another couple (who had been married for 60 years) shared the secrets of a long and happy marriage. We applauded as a five-year-old boy provided dance moves that were just as entertaining as “Dancing with the Stars”. It was an incredible and joyful evening.

The next day I did a mental recap of the previous night, it occurred to me that wonderful events like this are not unique. They take place every day. In contrast to the numerous reports I have heard about how marriages are failing, I witnessed several happy couples (many who had been married 40 years and longer) dancing cheek to cheek. We talked to teachers, pet sitters, bankers and doctors who had found ways to make the world a better place.

These folks may not be featured on Oprah, hang out with Paris Hilton or make the cover of People magazine, but their stories are just as important as the depressing sagas reported in the media. In fact, I would suggest these happy stories are even more important because they provide us with laughter, hope and inspiration.

In our upcoming book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, we offer advice on how to develop an optimistic viewpoint. If javelina can work together to make a difference, than just imagine what human beings can do.