Grouchy relatives beware.
Sally Marks, author of the self-improvement book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within will give a talk, “How to Cope with Grouchy Relatives During the Holidays” and sign copies of her book 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 17 at Mystic Moon Bookstore, 7119 E. Mercer Lane in Scottsdale.
The fee is $10 per person for those who prepay and $15 at the door. Following the interactive talk Marks will sign copies of her book. Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is available at the bookstore for $12.99.
“Grouchy relatives can be a burden during the holidays, but there are few simple tips that can help restore family harmony,” said Marks, an Arizona native and public relations expert. “The book is also a great holiday present.”
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.
Mystic Moon Bookstore is a New Age store that specializes in New Age books, CD’s and music, over 36 varieties of incense, Tarot Card decks, smudge sticks, crystals, jewelry, small ceremony bags and much more. For a calendar of events or more information visit www.mysticmoonbookstore.com or call 480-443-0136.
For more information about Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within and Author Sally Marks, call Marks Public Relations at 480-664-3004.
An added note: I know this is shameless self promotion, but this, after all, my blog. I hope a few of you will see this and attend. I'll probably have a new item to write about after the talk.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Hope Springs Eternal for Rejected Author
I attended a Buddhist meeting last month and was asked to give an experience about having my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, published. I have practiced Buddhism for 22 years and I’ve experienced a lot of benefits and personal growth, but the one area where I seemed to be falling short was in my lifelong dream to be a great writer.
I’m not a total slouch. I’ve won some awards, had articles published and even made a living in the writing world through my public relations firm, Marks Public Relations, but I have yet to sell a screenplay (although there are two movies out right now that bear remarkable similarities to two of my scripts) and I haven’t had a book on the best seller list.
However, I’m a stubborn and persistent woman. Every time I received a rejection I sent out three more queries in retaliation. When I ran out of publishing companies and agents, I contacted a few again with a slightly different letter. However, even the optimistic and perseverant have to change the game plan when it’s not working.
I decided to self publish and market the book myself.
If I must say so myself, I’m a darn good publicist. I write convincing copy with creative hooks, I have a plethora of media contacts and I never burn a bridge. I also have a passion for the message I’m trying to convey. Still, things were not happening for me. I expected a gusher, and all I was getting were little drips of publicity.
Then I studied to take a study exam based on the principles of my Buddhist practice. I’m pretty sure I passed, but I still think I missed a couple questions. So I decided to review it. One part stood out.
“A passage in the Six Paramitas Sutra says to become the master of your mind rather than let your mind master you.”
In the study guide it said: “Becoming the master of one’s mind ultimately means basing oneself on the unwavering foundation of the law.”
Bottom line, for SGI Buddhist practitioners, that means “basing ourselves on the Gohonzon and Nichiren’s writings.” Hmmm. I was basing my life’s work on the writing and law of journalism and publicity, not Nichiren Daishonin.
It was time to change course. I didn’t ignore my journalism training. Instead I put my Buddhist training first by chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo to elevate my life condition. My goal was to produce a result that would encourage others (and myself.)
At first, things went slowly. I called businesses to see if they would carry my book. One decided to carry it on consignment. Not the result I was hoping for. I had already sent out press releases and dropped my book off at the Phoenix TV stations. One, then two rejections came. In the meantime I wrote a story about feeling grumpy and stressed and how to overcome it. This was a bit ironic as I was feeling a bit grumpy and stressed myself, but I kept plugging away. And with my new determination to put my spiritual principles first and my secular training second, there was a big shift in the universe.
I submitted my feeling grumpy and stressed article to Diva Toolbox. Within hours the story was picked up by More Magazine’s online magazine. It was my first national exposure! Woohoo! A few minutes later I got an email from ABC’s Sonoran Living on channel 15 in Arizona asking me to be on their morning show on Nov. 10 to talk about erasing negativity and my book. A few minutes after that I received an email from an Arizona Republic reporter. She said the newspaper didn’t do book reviews, but if I could do an event, like a talk or a book signing, and as long as it was in Scottsdale, Paradise Valley or the Northeast Valley, they would do a story.
I emailed the one bookstore in Scottsdale, Mystic Moon Bookstore, that is carrying my book and asked if I could give a talk. She had just had a cancellation and I had my pick of two dates – Nov. 10 or Nov. 17. We decided to go with Nov. 17 and I’m going to talk about “How to Deal with Negative Relatives During the Holidays” and sell and sign copies of my book. I was ecstatic!
Finally, with all this potential publicity coming, I contacted one of my clients and told them I would be on the news and would they carry my book. They have 4 schools in Arizona and 17 in other states. My little drips of success were turning into a gusher.
I’ve practiced Buddhism for 22 years, so it’s not that I don’t know I should chant first, then take action. But I’m human. I know it’s better to be a master of your mind than vice versa. But sometimes we need to be reminded.
Believe it or not, sometimes I reread my own book to remind me to maintain an optimistic outlook by erasing the negativity that wants to sneak in when I’m not looking.
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is not a best seller yet, but I know it’s on its way. And those of you who know me, or read this blog, can help me. Please spread the word about the book.
And no matter what you do in life, pursue your passion and never, ever, ever give up. Once you do, there will be no chance of success. But as long as you plug away, you are one step closer to turning your little drips of success into a full blown gusher. Remember this great saying and apply it to your life like I do for mine: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”
I’m not a total slouch. I’ve won some awards, had articles published and even made a living in the writing world through my public relations firm, Marks Public Relations, but I have yet to sell a screenplay (although there are two movies out right now that bear remarkable similarities to two of my scripts) and I haven’t had a book on the best seller list.
However, I’m a stubborn and persistent woman. Every time I received a rejection I sent out three more queries in retaliation. When I ran out of publishing companies and agents, I contacted a few again with a slightly different letter. However, even the optimistic and perseverant have to change the game plan when it’s not working.
I decided to self publish and market the book myself.
If I must say so myself, I’m a darn good publicist. I write convincing copy with creative hooks, I have a plethora of media contacts and I never burn a bridge. I also have a passion for the message I’m trying to convey. Still, things were not happening for me. I expected a gusher, and all I was getting were little drips of publicity.
Then I studied to take a study exam based on the principles of my Buddhist practice. I’m pretty sure I passed, but I still think I missed a couple questions. So I decided to review it. One part stood out.
“A passage in the Six Paramitas Sutra says to become the master of your mind rather than let your mind master you.”
In the study guide it said: “Becoming the master of one’s mind ultimately means basing oneself on the unwavering foundation of the law.”
Bottom line, for SGI Buddhist practitioners, that means “basing ourselves on the Gohonzon and Nichiren’s writings.” Hmmm. I was basing my life’s work on the writing and law of journalism and publicity, not Nichiren Daishonin.
It was time to change course. I didn’t ignore my journalism training. Instead I put my Buddhist training first by chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo to elevate my life condition. My goal was to produce a result that would encourage others (and myself.)
At first, things went slowly. I called businesses to see if they would carry my book. One decided to carry it on consignment. Not the result I was hoping for. I had already sent out press releases and dropped my book off at the Phoenix TV stations. One, then two rejections came. In the meantime I wrote a story about feeling grumpy and stressed and how to overcome it. This was a bit ironic as I was feeling a bit grumpy and stressed myself, but I kept plugging away. And with my new determination to put my spiritual principles first and my secular training second, there was a big shift in the universe.
I submitted my feeling grumpy and stressed article to Diva Toolbox. Within hours the story was picked up by More Magazine’s online magazine. It was my first national exposure! Woohoo! A few minutes later I got an email from ABC’s Sonoran Living on channel 15 in Arizona asking me to be on their morning show on Nov. 10 to talk about erasing negativity and my book. A few minutes after that I received an email from an Arizona Republic reporter. She said the newspaper didn’t do book reviews, but if I could do an event, like a talk or a book signing, and as long as it was in Scottsdale, Paradise Valley or the Northeast Valley, they would do a story.
I emailed the one bookstore in Scottsdale, Mystic Moon Bookstore, that is carrying my book and asked if I could give a talk. She had just had a cancellation and I had my pick of two dates – Nov. 10 or Nov. 17. We decided to go with Nov. 17 and I’m going to talk about “How to Deal with Negative Relatives During the Holidays” and sell and sign copies of my book. I was ecstatic!
Finally, with all this potential publicity coming, I contacted one of my clients and told them I would be on the news and would they carry my book. They have 4 schools in Arizona and 17 in other states. My little drips of success were turning into a gusher.
I’ve practiced Buddhism for 22 years, so it’s not that I don’t know I should chant first, then take action. But I’m human. I know it’s better to be a master of your mind than vice versa. But sometimes we need to be reminded.
Believe it or not, sometimes I reread my own book to remind me to maintain an optimistic outlook by erasing the negativity that wants to sneak in when I’m not looking.
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is not a best seller yet, but I know it’s on its way. And those of you who know me, or read this blog, can help me. Please spread the word about the book.
And no matter what you do in life, pursue your passion and never, ever, ever give up. Once you do, there will be no chance of success. But as long as you plug away, you are one step closer to turning your little drips of success into a full blown gusher. Remember this great saying and apply it to your life like I do for mine: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”
Monday, November 1, 2010
Young in Mind and Chocolate
Yesterday was Halloween. We had scores of witches, bumble bees, ghouls and princesses trick or treat their way through the neighborhood. My spouse, CB, had considered handing out boxes of raisins as a healthier treat, but I was afraid the kids would seek vengeance and string toilet paper on our palo verde tree.
It’s ironic how something as innocent as considering the health of the little tykes could potentially backfire. However, mostly I remember how I felt when I was a kid and went out trick or treating and someone gave us a healthy snack. I didn’t vandalize their house, but I did resent it. My motto was “bring on the chocolate!” Actually, this motto still stands true today.
However, even though we try to be health conscious (with occasional lapses) we opted for distributing good sized bags of M&Ms. Not a nutritious choice, but I think our chocolate-inspired decision helps ingratiate us with the kids in the neighborhood.
My reasoning is not logical. Good nutrition is important and I know it. When the grandkids come over I feed them yogurt, vegetables and fruit. But on Halloween I make an exception. Part of this is nostalgic. My sister, Tina, now lives in my childhood home and on my numerous visits to the old neighborhood I pass by the homes I walked past as a kid. I can’t remember how to calculate fractions, but I can still remember who gave out the best treats for Halloween, who gave us apples, and who turned off their lights and pretended not to be at home.
Now that I’m older, I have a lot of friends who go out on Halloween so they don’t have to deal with the trick or treaters who come a-knocking. I think this avoidance tactic is sad. Some of my fondest memories as a child were dressing up and parading up and down the street with my siblings and friends. It was a rare person who didn’t stay home to pass out candy. Now I would guess nearly half of the folks in my neighborhood refuse to participate.
I’m sure folks have their reasons and I certainly shouldn’t judge. However, I can’t help but wonder if they have forgotten what it’s like to be young. I am no exception. The day after Halloween (today) I had softball practice. We’ve had it for several weeks, but because of work and other obligations I haven’t been able to go. It’s still hot in sunny Arizona so practice begins early. I am not morning person.
When I received the email about practice I wanted to blow it off again. Then my team mate Connie, who I haven’t seen in months, called me on the phone. Hearing her voice made me realize how much I miss playing and socializing with my softball chums. I got out to the diamond and it was like old times. I haven’t played in a few months so I’ve gotten a bit rusty, but it was just fun to be out there again.
Which brings me to the morale of the story (and yes, I always seem to have one.) Whether I’m handing out candy to the trick or treaters or trying to snag a grounder at second base, I not only remember what it’s like to be young when I am doing things I enjoy – I AM young again.
In my book Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, Kimberly Kingsley discusses the importance of doing work you love and engaging in activities that energize and delight you. Here are a few tips from chapter 11.
•Find your passion in life, develop it and share it with the world.
•The positive energy you create from your expressions of love, gratitude and kindness will reverberate throughout the universe in the same way that a small pebble thrown into the middle of a still pond can send ripples across the water.
So my advice is to not become a grouch before your time. Find something you love and do it until you drop.
If you need a little help erasing negativity, be sure to pick up a copy of my book through Amazon. If you live in Arizona you can also purchase it at Mystic Moon Bookstore in Scottsdale or through the www.unitedaestheticsorganization.com website. Or just contact me at comicsall@gmail.com and I’ll point you in the right direction on how to Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.
It’s ironic how something as innocent as considering the health of the little tykes could potentially backfire. However, mostly I remember how I felt when I was a kid and went out trick or treating and someone gave us a healthy snack. I didn’t vandalize their house, but I did resent it. My motto was “bring on the chocolate!” Actually, this motto still stands true today.
However, even though we try to be health conscious (with occasional lapses) we opted for distributing good sized bags of M&Ms. Not a nutritious choice, but I think our chocolate-inspired decision helps ingratiate us with the kids in the neighborhood.
My reasoning is not logical. Good nutrition is important and I know it. When the grandkids come over I feed them yogurt, vegetables and fruit. But on Halloween I make an exception. Part of this is nostalgic. My sister, Tina, now lives in my childhood home and on my numerous visits to the old neighborhood I pass by the homes I walked past as a kid. I can’t remember how to calculate fractions, but I can still remember who gave out the best treats for Halloween, who gave us apples, and who turned off their lights and pretended not to be at home.
Now that I’m older, I have a lot of friends who go out on Halloween so they don’t have to deal with the trick or treaters who come a-knocking. I think this avoidance tactic is sad. Some of my fondest memories as a child were dressing up and parading up and down the street with my siblings and friends. It was a rare person who didn’t stay home to pass out candy. Now I would guess nearly half of the folks in my neighborhood refuse to participate.
I’m sure folks have their reasons and I certainly shouldn’t judge. However, I can’t help but wonder if they have forgotten what it’s like to be young. I am no exception. The day after Halloween (today) I had softball practice. We’ve had it for several weeks, but because of work and other obligations I haven’t been able to go. It’s still hot in sunny Arizona so practice begins early. I am not morning person.
When I received the email about practice I wanted to blow it off again. Then my team mate Connie, who I haven’t seen in months, called me on the phone. Hearing her voice made me realize how much I miss playing and socializing with my softball chums. I got out to the diamond and it was like old times. I haven’t played in a few months so I’ve gotten a bit rusty, but it was just fun to be out there again.
Which brings me to the morale of the story (and yes, I always seem to have one.) Whether I’m handing out candy to the trick or treaters or trying to snag a grounder at second base, I not only remember what it’s like to be young when I am doing things I enjoy – I AM young again.
In my book Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, Kimberly Kingsley discusses the importance of doing work you love and engaging in activities that energize and delight you. Here are a few tips from chapter 11.
•Find your passion in life, develop it and share it with the world.
•The positive energy you create from your expressions of love, gratitude and kindness will reverberate throughout the universe in the same way that a small pebble thrown into the middle of a still pond can send ripples across the water.
So my advice is to not become a grouch before your time. Find something you love and do it until you drop.
If you need a little help erasing negativity, be sure to pick up a copy of my book through Amazon. If you live in Arizona you can also purchase it at Mystic Moon Bookstore in Scottsdale or through the www.unitedaestheticsorganization.com website. Or just contact me at comicsall@gmail.com and I’ll point you in the right direction on how to Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
You like me, you really, really like me!
This will be short and sweet as I'm hitting the marketing hard for the book. However, I had a funny interview that I want to share with everyone. Please check it out.
http://tucsoncitizen.com/dating/2010/10/28/ouch-im-dating-a-grouch-should-i-just-dump-the-crabby-negative-nellie/
For those who want to buy the book and not go through Amazon, Mystic Moon in Scottsdale is now carrying the book. I'll be part of their author series for talks in 2011. Stay tuned.
Also I went to the Empty Bowls event and took my two grand daughters who are 1 and 2 years old. I didn't want the girls breaking pottery so I asked them to point and tell me if they saw something they liked and I would show it to them.
I held one up a bowl for Rosannah (the older girl) to see and Baby Briannah piped up, "I like it!" That's the first sentence I've heard her say. I'm glad it was something positive.
Speaking of liking it, I had visions of Sally Field when I returned from Mystic Moon, the store with my books on the shelf. The words, "You like me, you really really like me," rolled through my brain. A small victory but my cup (or empty bowl) runneth over in happiness.
http://tucsoncitizen.com/dating/2010/10/28/ouch-im-dating-a-grouch-should-i-just-dump-the-crabby-negative-nellie/
For those who want to buy the book and not go through Amazon, Mystic Moon in Scottsdale is now carrying the book. I'll be part of their author series for talks in 2011. Stay tuned.
Also I went to the Empty Bowls event and took my two grand daughters who are 1 and 2 years old. I didn't want the girls breaking pottery so I asked them to point and tell me if they saw something they liked and I would show it to them.
I held one up a bowl for Rosannah (the older girl) to see and Baby Briannah piped up, "I like it!" That's the first sentence I've heard her say. I'm glad it was something positive.
Speaking of liking it, I had visions of Sally Field when I returned from Mystic Moon, the store with my books on the shelf. The words, "You like me, you really really like me," rolled through my brain. A small victory but my cup (or empty bowl) runneth over in happiness.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Can I Have a Little Help From My Friends?
It’s time to celebrate!!! Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is out and ready for purchase. This one is a paperback (as opposed to the electronic version I emailed you about in March) and is available for $12.99 through www.Amazon.com. You can also order it through www.unitedaestheticsorganization.com and I will donate $1 for each book to prevent skin cancer.
Of course I hope you will buy a copy (or several) and tell your friends, family, coworkers or anyone you think would like to learn how to erase negativity. I have had excellent feedback from the folks who have purchased the book and I truly believe it is something that can have a positive, life-changing effect for those who read it and embrace the message.
However, I really, really, really need your help. I know money is tight for a lot of you and I have come up with a few things that will help me tremendously and won’t cost you anything. Here are a few ways you can help me spread the word.
• Visit one, two or three library websites and request they purchase the book. I need requests to libraries in every state. I also want more people to have access to the book who cannot afford to purchase it.
• Go to Amazon and write a review.
• Call and email your local bookstores and ask them to carry the book. If they get enough requests, they will consider it.
• Post a positive message about the book to your friends on Facebook, My Space, Linked In, or any other social network sites you visit.
• Encourage your friends and family to spread the word as well.
• If you are a member of an organization that books speakers, I would be happy to speak on the Erase Negativity topic. Just let me know.
• If you have a website that takes orders and you place my book on your website, I can offer a commission and I will donate $1 for every book sold to the charity of your choice (I do have to approve the charity though.)
I am doing all the marketing myself. I don’t have a lot of money, but I do have a lot of great friends and family members. If you could help me with this, I really believe we can make a positive difference in the world. Also, thank you so much for your encouragement and assistance. It hasn’t been easy to go for years (okay decades) to publish my first book, but it just goes to show that persistence pays off.
Many thanks,
Sally Marks
comicsall@gmail.com
480-664-3004
Of course I hope you will buy a copy (or several) and tell your friends, family, coworkers or anyone you think would like to learn how to erase negativity. I have had excellent feedback from the folks who have purchased the book and I truly believe it is something that can have a positive, life-changing effect for those who read it and embrace the message.
However, I really, really, really need your help. I know money is tight for a lot of you and I have come up with a few things that will help me tremendously and won’t cost you anything. Here are a few ways you can help me spread the word.
• Visit one, two or three library websites and request they purchase the book. I need requests to libraries in every state. I also want more people to have access to the book who cannot afford to purchase it.
• Go to Amazon and write a review.
• Call and email your local bookstores and ask them to carry the book. If they get enough requests, they will consider it.
• Post a positive message about the book to your friends on Facebook, My Space, Linked In, or any other social network sites you visit.
• Encourage your friends and family to spread the word as well.
• If you are a member of an organization that books speakers, I would be happy to speak on the Erase Negativity topic. Just let me know.
• If you have a website that takes orders and you place my book on your website, I can offer a commission and I will donate $1 for every book sold to the charity of your choice (I do have to approve the charity though.)
I am doing all the marketing myself. I don’t have a lot of money, but I do have a lot of great friends and family members. If you could help me with this, I really believe we can make a positive difference in the world. Also, thank you so much for your encouragement and assistance. It hasn’t been easy to go for years (okay decades) to publish my first book, but it just goes to show that persistence pays off.
Many thanks,
Sally Marks
comicsall@gmail.com
480-664-3004
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Say "No Thanks" to Holiday Negativity
I was on Cat’s Tales, a blog talk radio show last night. The discussion was on the importance of optimism and how to overcome negativity. I hope you can listen in. Here’s the link.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sassycat38.
One of the tips I give in the valiant quest to overcome grouchiness is to avoid nasty people. This is easier said than done, particularly during the holidays when forced family gatherings are the norm. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and sometimes even Halloween can be a time when you are face to fork with negative folks who share your DNA.
I wouldn’t say my relatives are particularly negative, although a few are. However, the sarcasm gene runs strong in my family. In fact I think I got a double dose of it. For instance, my mother was a lousy cook. She preferred cigarettes and coffee to developing any culinary skills, so we all assumed food came in two varieties – raw and burnt. She was the butt of numerous jokes. When one of us wanted the bowl of mashed potatoes we would ask, “One lump or two.”
Now the tables have turned and I am the recipient of a few unkind witticisms. The story of my attempt at making gravy for our Thanksgiving feast will live forever in my in-law’s hearts. The darn gravy wouldn’t thicken and not being a patient cook, I shoveled enough flour in the pot to stock a shelf in Walmart. Anyway, the gravy bubbled into some strange mass and I tell everyone it is now a sculpture in the backyard.
I take the kidding in stride because I do not define myself by my expertise as a chef. Gravy is not a regular item on the menu at the house. I grew up on the stuff, but once I left home I rarely made it. If I’m going to clog my arteries, I’d rather do it with chocolate. So it doesn’t hit a nerve if people want to tease me about my cooking.
However, other sarcastic jibes hit closer to the bone. Family favorites were my quest for a job. It took me 13 years to earn my Bachelor’s degree in journalism and after I graduated I searched in vain for 9 months before I landed my first professional job. Once I had the job nobody asked me about it, but while I was unsuccessful in my attempts, the queries abounded.
That was a long time ago. Since that time I have acquired better coping skills, I’ve developed a more positive outlook, and I learned a few pointers that I would like to share with you.
• If someone has a negative comment, ask for their help in solving it. If they think you’re too fat, ask them to walk with you after dinner. Or better yet, tell them you have a two for one coupon to join a gym and you would love for them to accompany you.
• If someone wants to gossip about a family member (usually someone who isn’t there to defend themselves) simply say: “I do not think it is kind or gracious to talk about someone who isn’t here to defend themselves. Does anyone have something more positive we can discuss?”
• If the conversation gets snippy, suggest a new tradition. Go around the table and ask everyone to say one thing they are grateful for. This is the point of Thanksgiving. If they disagree, kindly ask them why everyone gathers together for the holidays. If it is to moan and groan, then let the snippy ones have their own holiday. The moan and groan dinner fest. Unfortunately, you will not be attending.
• Confront with compassion. Many folks do not realize what they are saying is hurtful. Gently call them on it. “Aunt Sue, I love and admire you very much and I know you would never intentionally say anything to hurt me, but I feel your comment about (name it) was unkind. We suffer enough from the negativity in the world from strangers. Why don’t we use this family gathering as a time to help, nourish and be kind to one another?”
These tips may not turn instantly turn the trauma and drama of family gatherings into a love fest, but it is a start.
My last tip is totally self-serving, but my intent to help is sincere.
• Purchase numerous copies of my new book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within and give it to friends and family members for the holidays. It’s $12.99 on Amazon. It should be available mid October 2010. If you’re in a hurry, shoot me an email at comicsall@gmail.com and I can have one shipped out right away. You can also get one through www.unitedaestheticsorganization.com and I will donate $1 from each book to help fight skin cancer.
Please remember, we (and our friends and family) did not become negative overnight. It is a habit that was learned. Erasing negativity is a habit that can be learned as well. Why not start now? You don’t have to erase negativity every day, just on the days that you eat.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sassycat38.
One of the tips I give in the valiant quest to overcome grouchiness is to avoid nasty people. This is easier said than done, particularly during the holidays when forced family gatherings are the norm. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and sometimes even Halloween can be a time when you are face to fork with negative folks who share your DNA.
I wouldn’t say my relatives are particularly negative, although a few are. However, the sarcasm gene runs strong in my family. In fact I think I got a double dose of it. For instance, my mother was a lousy cook. She preferred cigarettes and coffee to developing any culinary skills, so we all assumed food came in two varieties – raw and burnt. She was the butt of numerous jokes. When one of us wanted the bowl of mashed potatoes we would ask, “One lump or two.”
Now the tables have turned and I am the recipient of a few unkind witticisms. The story of my attempt at making gravy for our Thanksgiving feast will live forever in my in-law’s hearts. The darn gravy wouldn’t thicken and not being a patient cook, I shoveled enough flour in the pot to stock a shelf in Walmart. Anyway, the gravy bubbled into some strange mass and I tell everyone it is now a sculpture in the backyard.
I take the kidding in stride because I do not define myself by my expertise as a chef. Gravy is not a regular item on the menu at the house. I grew up on the stuff, but once I left home I rarely made it. If I’m going to clog my arteries, I’d rather do it with chocolate. So it doesn’t hit a nerve if people want to tease me about my cooking.
However, other sarcastic jibes hit closer to the bone. Family favorites were my quest for a job. It took me 13 years to earn my Bachelor’s degree in journalism and after I graduated I searched in vain for 9 months before I landed my first professional job. Once I had the job nobody asked me about it, but while I was unsuccessful in my attempts, the queries abounded.
That was a long time ago. Since that time I have acquired better coping skills, I’ve developed a more positive outlook, and I learned a few pointers that I would like to share with you.
• If someone has a negative comment, ask for their help in solving it. If they think you’re too fat, ask them to walk with you after dinner. Or better yet, tell them you have a two for one coupon to join a gym and you would love for them to accompany you.
• If someone wants to gossip about a family member (usually someone who isn’t there to defend themselves) simply say: “I do not think it is kind or gracious to talk about someone who isn’t here to defend themselves. Does anyone have something more positive we can discuss?”
• If the conversation gets snippy, suggest a new tradition. Go around the table and ask everyone to say one thing they are grateful for. This is the point of Thanksgiving. If they disagree, kindly ask them why everyone gathers together for the holidays. If it is to moan and groan, then let the snippy ones have their own holiday. The moan and groan dinner fest. Unfortunately, you will not be attending.
• Confront with compassion. Many folks do not realize what they are saying is hurtful. Gently call them on it. “Aunt Sue, I love and admire you very much and I know you would never intentionally say anything to hurt me, but I feel your comment about (name it) was unkind. We suffer enough from the negativity in the world from strangers. Why don’t we use this family gathering as a time to help, nourish and be kind to one another?”
These tips may not turn instantly turn the trauma and drama of family gatherings into a love fest, but it is a start.
My last tip is totally self-serving, but my intent to help is sincere.
• Purchase numerous copies of my new book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within and give it to friends and family members for the holidays. It’s $12.99 on Amazon. It should be available mid October 2010. If you’re in a hurry, shoot me an email at comicsall@gmail.com and I can have one shipped out right away. You can also get one through www.unitedaestheticsorganization.com and I will donate $1 from each book to help fight skin cancer.
Please remember, we (and our friends and family) did not become negative overnight. It is a habit that was learned. Erasing negativity is a habit that can be learned as well. Why not start now? You don’t have to erase negativity every day, just on the days that you eat.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Halloween Rerun
It’s nearly Halloween and the stores are filled with ghoulish décor. On a recent outing my little granddaughter, Rosannah, discovered some holiday decorations packed more trick than treat. Rosannah is nearly two years old and quite fearless. She runs through the house with her hands in the air, scales the couch and her high chair with the speed of a mountain goat, and follows the family’s Rottweilers through the doggy door, with no worry of being trampled.
However, my plucky, little granddaughter’s bravery melted like a candy bar when she encountered a cackling witch at the local hardware store. Rosannah buried her head into her mother’s shoulder and whimpered, “no, no.” When she looked up, she saw another display – a werewolf. She smiled at the item and said, “doggy?” Then the eyes of the beast turned red. This elicited another whimpering “no, no” and she buried her dimpled face into her mother’s shoulder once again. Even something as innocuous as a skull on a glass elicits a quick retreat.
I’m not sure why the symbol of a skull is so frightening to Rosannah. It makes me wonder if there could be universal phobias that are buried deep within our collective consciousness. I read somewhere that snakes are feared in many cultures – including those areas that have never seen one of the slithering reptiles.
Other phobias are not so universal. For instance, my friend, Michele, has a 36-year-daughter who is afraid of dryer lint. I reminded her of this quirky habit. I assumed she had outgrown it. Nope. If her husband wanted a divorce he could chase her around the house with the lint, much like how her brother used to do when they were kids. But, like I said, the man wants to remain happily married so he takes care of the lint disposal. My normally logical sister, Diane, gets squeamish touching balls of cotton. I always felt I had a sense of power over her as I would valiantly pull the wad of the white padding from bottles of aspirin. Recently I reminded her of this childhood fear. Well, guess what? She still won’t touch the cotton balls.
The point is, there are many things that strike fear into the hearts of humankind. However, there is one demon that, unlike dryer lint, has caused tremendous harm, but holds free reign in society – negativity.
These pessimistic messages take various forms – news reports, gossip, complaints, lack of gratitude, judgmental thoughts, as well as stinging criticism of ourselves and others. Unfortunately, negativity has become so pervasive that many of us accept it as a normal part of life. This is especially true because we are bombarded with negative news 24/7. The reality is there are many more happy incidents in a day, but no journalist is going to lead the 5 o’clock news with a story of good cheer. As the old adage goes, “if it bleeds, it leads.”
As dismal as this may seem, the good news is we still have a choice on whether or not we are going to allow negativity to stain our lives. There is no law that says we have to watch depressing news. We should not feel compelled to listen to others say disparaging things about others. And we should never repeat gossip…period.
Living a happy life is not that difficult. Even in the most depressing situations there are things to be grateful for. It’s all a matter of perspective.
Every morning I recite several things that I appreciate in my life before I get out of bed. This only takes a few seconds, but it creates an attitude of gratitude that I try to embrace throughout the day.
For those who have a little more trouble adopting a positive attitude, there are little tricks you can perform to shift into an attitude of gratitude. One is to pretend you are happy until the real feeling washing over you. The “fake it until you make it” strategy is more powerful than you think. And what do you have to lose except maybe a rotten attitude?
In the meantime, you can always adopt an adult version of Rosannah’s technique when confronted with negative messages. It’s the same thing we teach children who are tempted to take drugs. Turn away and just say no.
However, my plucky, little granddaughter’s bravery melted like a candy bar when she encountered a cackling witch at the local hardware store. Rosannah buried her head into her mother’s shoulder and whimpered, “no, no.” When she looked up, she saw another display – a werewolf. She smiled at the item and said, “doggy?” Then the eyes of the beast turned red. This elicited another whimpering “no, no” and she buried her dimpled face into her mother’s shoulder once again. Even something as innocuous as a skull on a glass elicits a quick retreat.
I’m not sure why the symbol of a skull is so frightening to Rosannah. It makes me wonder if there could be universal phobias that are buried deep within our collective consciousness. I read somewhere that snakes are feared in many cultures – including those areas that have never seen one of the slithering reptiles.
Other phobias are not so universal. For instance, my friend, Michele, has a 36-year-daughter who is afraid of dryer lint. I reminded her of this quirky habit. I assumed she had outgrown it. Nope. If her husband wanted a divorce he could chase her around the house with the lint, much like how her brother used to do when they were kids. But, like I said, the man wants to remain happily married so he takes care of the lint disposal. My normally logical sister, Diane, gets squeamish touching balls of cotton. I always felt I had a sense of power over her as I would valiantly pull the wad of the white padding from bottles of aspirin. Recently I reminded her of this childhood fear. Well, guess what? She still won’t touch the cotton balls.
The point is, there are many things that strike fear into the hearts of humankind. However, there is one demon that, unlike dryer lint, has caused tremendous harm, but holds free reign in society – negativity.
These pessimistic messages take various forms – news reports, gossip, complaints, lack of gratitude, judgmental thoughts, as well as stinging criticism of ourselves and others. Unfortunately, negativity has become so pervasive that many of us accept it as a normal part of life. This is especially true because we are bombarded with negative news 24/7. The reality is there are many more happy incidents in a day, but no journalist is going to lead the 5 o’clock news with a story of good cheer. As the old adage goes, “if it bleeds, it leads.”
As dismal as this may seem, the good news is we still have a choice on whether or not we are going to allow negativity to stain our lives. There is no law that says we have to watch depressing news. We should not feel compelled to listen to others say disparaging things about others. And we should never repeat gossip…period.
Living a happy life is not that difficult. Even in the most depressing situations there are things to be grateful for. It’s all a matter of perspective.
Every morning I recite several things that I appreciate in my life before I get out of bed. This only takes a few seconds, but it creates an attitude of gratitude that I try to embrace throughout the day.
For those who have a little more trouble adopting a positive attitude, there are little tricks you can perform to shift into an attitude of gratitude. One is to pretend you are happy until the real feeling washing over you. The “fake it until you make it” strategy is more powerful than you think. And what do you have to lose except maybe a rotten attitude?
In the meantime, you can always adopt an adult version of Rosannah’s technique when confronted with negative messages. It’s the same thing we teach children who are tempted to take drugs. Turn away and just say no.
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