Have you attempted to break family patterns (like improving yourself by going to college) and met with resistance? Perhaps you developed an innovative approach to solve a problem at work only to be told “That’s not how we do things here.” If so, don’t despair. Here is a little story in honor of Easter to help shine a new perspective on old habits. It’s taken from our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. In honor of Easter, anyone who contacts me directly through the blog or my website, www.erasenegativity.com before the end of April 2011 and orders the book will receive free shipping and handling.
It was Easter and four generations of the Smith family were preparing for a holiday feast. Emily, a young bride, carefully watched her mother as she pulled out all the utensils and ingredients for the special meal. Emily knew that one day it would be her turn to prepare the feast, and when she did, she wanted everything to be perfect. Emily’s mom plopped the ham on a cutting board, slicing off the front and hind portions of the ham before putting it into a roasting pan.
“Why do you cut off the ends like that?” Emily asked, expecting some culinary insight.
The mother crinkled her eyebrows in thought and put the knife down.
“I don’t know. I guess because that’s how mama always did it,” the mother answered. Emily thought about the response, but she seemed unsatisfied.
“Grandma’s here. Maybe we should ask her,” suggested Emily. Emily’s mother nodded okay, and the two women walked into the dining room where Grandma was setting the table.
“Mom is showing me how to cook the ham and I was wondering why you cut the ends off,” began Emily. “She said that’s how you always did it, so she did the same.”
Grandma adjusted the silverware next to her best china, wiped her hands on her apron, and thought a moment.
“You know, I never really thought about it,” she answered. “That’s how your great grandma always did it, so that’s the way it’s always been done.”
At that moment, Emily’s brother wheeled Great Grandma Smith into the house. Emily, her mother and her grandmother walked over to the matriarch, gave her a kiss on the cheek and wheeled her next to the dining room table. Emily patted her great granny on the arm and bent next to her so she could hear her question.
Mom, grandma and I were in the kitchen getting ready to cook the ham and we had a question. Why do you sliced off the ends of the ham before you put it in the roasting pan.”
“Hmph,” snorted the old woman. “I cut off the ends of it because my dang roasting pan was too small.”
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Down But Not Out
I got a reprieve from being an undertaker today. A hummingbird was lying on the patio. We knew it was not dead, but things did not look good for our little feathered friend. My spouse, CB, thought if we could get the bird in a box out of the reach of predators it might recover. If that didn’t work the box would become a coffin.
As luck would have it as soon as CB reached to place the bird in the box it sprang to life and quickly flew away. CB is a physician and I’m very spiritual – but we did not practice any mystical or medical intervention. I think the bird simply regained consciousness and made a hasty exit before we could send him a bill or talk him into converting his spiritual beliefs.
CB’s attempt to place the bird in the box no doubt seemed like the actions of a predator, not a protector. None-the-less, I’m glad things turned out okay for the little hummer. Anyone who regularly reads this blog knows that this event is going to become an allegory for a lesson in life, so here it is.
It is impossible to go through life without encountering difficulties. From a baby’s first cry to the last dying breath, the human experience involves a series of struggles. While encountering challenges is an inherent part of life, it is not so much the problems, but the attitude you take while facing these difficulties that shapes how you view the world.
In short, it is not about how many times we get knocked down that counts. It is how many times we get back up.
I was recently featured on the Chris Treece internet radio show. Chris told me that he lost everything he owned due to a ravaging flood in Tennessee last year. In a 13-hour time frame his house, his car, his belongs and his business were ruined. Yet he manages to keep an upbeat attitude. He focused on what he did have – his health and his life. He got knocked down, but he got back up. His life is a source of inspiration.
It would make sense that an energetic and optimistic approach to life would produce better results, but that is easier said than done. If it were simply a matter of flipping a switch to receive a positive or negative attitude, most folks would opt for former.
However, even if you aren't an optimistic person, you can learn how to develop a better mindset. Overcoming suffering was the inspiration for the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. My friend and co-author Jacqueline Howard wrote it to shine a little more light in the world. Is it a quick fix? No. But if you read it and follow the suggestions and steps you will learn how to live a happier life.
"I’m not negative,” you may say to yourself (or out loud). “I’m just being realistic.” Maybe so, but, if that “realistic” approach has resulted in some depressing results and evolved into a downright unhappy life, perhaps it’s time to consider a new, happier perspective.
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is a simple guide to recognize and diffuse negative behavior and replace it with a positive approach. No one is born negative, it is an acquired habit. Whether you were raised in a negative household, or acquired a downbeat demeanor after a lifetime of disappointments, it was a habit you learned. Perhaps your realistic approach (the one your friends and family call negative) has been a shield against the worst of life. After all, if you prepare and expect the worst, it will reduce the painful effect that most assuredly will follow. Unfortunately, this approach comes with some depressing results – a disapproving mindset, negative results and an unhappy life.
If you are ready to make a positive change in your life, contact me through the blog or my website www.erasenegativity.com and order the book. If you mention the blog, or any of the recent radio shows I’ve been on, I’ll autograph it and pay for the shipping and handling costs.
Our goal is to help as many people as we can embrace a happier life. So why not trade in the sad refrain of “Nobody loves me everybody hates me I’m going to go eat worms?” You can learn some important tips on erasing negativity, embracing happiness, and then, like the hummingbird, go merrily on your way.
As luck would have it as soon as CB reached to place the bird in the box it sprang to life and quickly flew away. CB is a physician and I’m very spiritual – but we did not practice any mystical or medical intervention. I think the bird simply regained consciousness and made a hasty exit before we could send him a bill or talk him into converting his spiritual beliefs.
CB’s attempt to place the bird in the box no doubt seemed like the actions of a predator, not a protector. None-the-less, I’m glad things turned out okay for the little hummer. Anyone who regularly reads this blog knows that this event is going to become an allegory for a lesson in life, so here it is.
It is impossible to go through life without encountering difficulties. From a baby’s first cry to the last dying breath, the human experience involves a series of struggles. While encountering challenges is an inherent part of life, it is not so much the problems, but the attitude you take while facing these difficulties that shapes how you view the world.
In short, it is not about how many times we get knocked down that counts. It is how many times we get back up.
I was recently featured on the Chris Treece internet radio show. Chris told me that he lost everything he owned due to a ravaging flood in Tennessee last year. In a 13-hour time frame his house, his car, his belongs and his business were ruined. Yet he manages to keep an upbeat attitude. He focused on what he did have – his health and his life. He got knocked down, but he got back up. His life is a source of inspiration.
It would make sense that an energetic and optimistic approach to life would produce better results, but that is easier said than done. If it were simply a matter of flipping a switch to receive a positive or negative attitude, most folks would opt for former.
However, even if you aren't an optimistic person, you can learn how to develop a better mindset. Overcoming suffering was the inspiration for the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. My friend and co-author Jacqueline Howard wrote it to shine a little more light in the world. Is it a quick fix? No. But if you read it and follow the suggestions and steps you will learn how to live a happier life.
"I’m not negative,” you may say to yourself (or out loud). “I’m just being realistic.” Maybe so, but, if that “realistic” approach has resulted in some depressing results and evolved into a downright unhappy life, perhaps it’s time to consider a new, happier perspective.
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is a simple guide to recognize and diffuse negative behavior and replace it with a positive approach. No one is born negative, it is an acquired habit. Whether you were raised in a negative household, or acquired a downbeat demeanor after a lifetime of disappointments, it was a habit you learned. Perhaps your realistic approach (the one your friends and family call negative) has been a shield against the worst of life. After all, if you prepare and expect the worst, it will reduce the painful effect that most assuredly will follow. Unfortunately, this approach comes with some depressing results – a disapproving mindset, negative results and an unhappy life.
If you are ready to make a positive change in your life, contact me through the blog or my website www.erasenegativity.com and order the book. If you mention the blog, or any of the recent radio shows I’ve been on, I’ll autograph it and pay for the shipping and handling costs.
Our goal is to help as many people as we can embrace a happier life. So why not trade in the sad refrain of “Nobody loves me everybody hates me I’m going to go eat worms?” You can learn some important tips on erasing negativity, embracing happiness, and then, like the hummingbird, go merrily on your way.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut
A dove built a nest in our side yard. The location is a bit precarious. Instead of choosing a tree, the bird constructed its home in a tire that is lying on a bench next to the wall. It’s about waist high. CB and I prefer not to bother the bird, but the location is by the side entrance to the garage. We use this door for a lot for activities such as taking out the trash, hanging clothes on the line and wheeling out the tandem bicycle out so we can enjoy the spring weather. We try to alter our habits a bit so we don’t bother the dove, but no matter how often we go out, the bird is always there sitting on her nest.
I’m no expert on this aviary friend, but I’m thinking the parents must take turns sitting on this little nest. I don’t know how they could handle it otherwise. They have to eat sometime. And I have to admit, the mama bird is looking a bit thinner.
Although there is new evidence that some birds are actually pretty intelligent, our feathered neighbor is part of the flock that is more known for their lack of intelligence. Hence the name bird brain. Yet, when it comes to determination, this dove takes the proverbial cake.
In the end, if the dove is successful, the eggs will hatch, the babies will demand even more attention (and food) until they finally fly off to create nests of their own. Then the process will start all over again. It seems a thankless job. The baby birds won’t call and check in on their dutiful parents, drop off a worm as a surprise meal, or send a card for Mother’s Day. Yet the dove sits patiently waiting for her eggs to hatch.
It reminds me the process of writing. My friend and co-author Jackie, wrote the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. We did it to help others improve their lives. No one gave us an advance payment, producers weren’t begging for the movie rights, and folks weren’t calling daily to ask when the book was coming out.
Instead, we put in the effort (approximately 18 months) to interview folks, research the topic and write and edit the book. That was the easy part. Next came book proposals, marketing plans, query letters and a lot of begging. In all, we sent query letters, proposals and marketing plans to approximately 200 publishers and agents. After we exhausted every option, we published Erase Negativity as an ebook through smashwords, https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/11183 and later as a paperback through createspace. The book is now available through Amazon, or through our website www.erasenegativity.com.
Almost every day I receive some positive feedback on the book. The other day I got a thank you note from a reader in Nebraska. And I know for every person who contacts us, there are many more who do not. While I want to see our sales improve and our message reach millions of people throughout the world, even knowing one person has benefited from the book is a source of joy. This book was a “calling” and by writing it, I feel I am walking my true path as a writer and a healer.
However, not everyone feels the same way about their careers. In chapter 10 of our book, we discuss plugging into a higher source. A lot of the chapter revolves around doing the work you love. Here are a few tips from the Erase Negativity section of the book.
•Avoid working in a career where money is your only goal. If you are stuck in a job that brings no joy and drains you of your energy, find something more nourishing to your soul. Chances are you are feeling stuck, not because you have to be, but because you have decided you have to be.
•Be mindful of the energy exchange you experience with others. Remember that you cannot change others, you can only change yourself.
•Be open to the possibilities in life. Just because things have been difficult in the past does not mean they have to continue to be that way. Your determination and strong intent will move you in the direction you set forth.
•Find things that energize you and avoid those that constrict the energy in your heart, soul and mind. Pay attention to how you feel energetically.
•You are not your bank account, your car, or even your body. When you die, none of these transient things will go with you. Learn to love yourself. Know that you are divine and have unique gifts that only you can contribute to the world.
That is not to say that pursuing the path you want is going to be easy. There may be sacrifices. People may tell you that going after a career you love in a field that does not pay well is stupid. Our advice is to let folks have THEIR opinion and you should follow YOUR dreams. Perhaps you may choose to make money first and have a plan to work in the area you love later in life. That is okay too. The important thing is to move in the direction you want to go.
The only thing that will ever truly stop you for realizing your dreams is if YOU give up. In this regard, patience trumps intelligence. It is no wonder I love the Dutch proverb, “A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.”
Like the dove in my side yard, success comes from love and determination. People have their opinions about your choices, but in the end, it is YOUR life. So decide what you love to do, make a plan and go after it with strong resolve. Your job is to never give up. When you feel yourself slipping remember this other great anonymous quote:
A great oak is only a little nut that held its ground.
I’m no expert on this aviary friend, but I’m thinking the parents must take turns sitting on this little nest. I don’t know how they could handle it otherwise. They have to eat sometime. And I have to admit, the mama bird is looking a bit thinner.
Although there is new evidence that some birds are actually pretty intelligent, our feathered neighbor is part of the flock that is more known for their lack of intelligence. Hence the name bird brain. Yet, when it comes to determination, this dove takes the proverbial cake.
In the end, if the dove is successful, the eggs will hatch, the babies will demand even more attention (and food) until they finally fly off to create nests of their own. Then the process will start all over again. It seems a thankless job. The baby birds won’t call and check in on their dutiful parents, drop off a worm as a surprise meal, or send a card for Mother’s Day. Yet the dove sits patiently waiting for her eggs to hatch.
It reminds me the process of writing. My friend and co-author Jackie, wrote the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. We did it to help others improve their lives. No one gave us an advance payment, producers weren’t begging for the movie rights, and folks weren’t calling daily to ask when the book was coming out.
Instead, we put in the effort (approximately 18 months) to interview folks, research the topic and write and edit the book. That was the easy part. Next came book proposals, marketing plans, query letters and a lot of begging. In all, we sent query letters, proposals and marketing plans to approximately 200 publishers and agents. After we exhausted every option, we published Erase Negativity as an ebook through smashwords, https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/11183 and later as a paperback through createspace. The book is now available through Amazon, or through our website www.erasenegativity.com.
Almost every day I receive some positive feedback on the book. The other day I got a thank you note from a reader in Nebraska. And I know for every person who contacts us, there are many more who do not. While I want to see our sales improve and our message reach millions of people throughout the world, even knowing one person has benefited from the book is a source of joy. This book was a “calling” and by writing it, I feel I am walking my true path as a writer and a healer.
However, not everyone feels the same way about their careers. In chapter 10 of our book, we discuss plugging into a higher source. A lot of the chapter revolves around doing the work you love. Here are a few tips from the Erase Negativity section of the book.
•Avoid working in a career where money is your only goal. If you are stuck in a job that brings no joy and drains you of your energy, find something more nourishing to your soul. Chances are you are feeling stuck, not because you have to be, but because you have decided you have to be.
•Be mindful of the energy exchange you experience with others. Remember that you cannot change others, you can only change yourself.
•Be open to the possibilities in life. Just because things have been difficult in the past does not mean they have to continue to be that way. Your determination and strong intent will move you in the direction you set forth.
•Find things that energize you and avoid those that constrict the energy in your heart, soul and mind. Pay attention to how you feel energetically.
•You are not your bank account, your car, or even your body. When you die, none of these transient things will go with you. Learn to love yourself. Know that you are divine and have unique gifts that only you can contribute to the world.
That is not to say that pursuing the path you want is going to be easy. There may be sacrifices. People may tell you that going after a career you love in a field that does not pay well is stupid. Our advice is to let folks have THEIR opinion and you should follow YOUR dreams. Perhaps you may choose to make money first and have a plan to work in the area you love later in life. That is okay too. The important thing is to move in the direction you want to go.
The only thing that will ever truly stop you for realizing your dreams is if YOU give up. In this regard, patience trumps intelligence. It is no wonder I love the Dutch proverb, “A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.”
Like the dove in my side yard, success comes from love and determination. People have their opinions about your choices, but in the end, it is YOUR life. So decide what you love to do, make a plan and go after it with strong resolve. Your job is to never give up. When you feel yourself slipping remember this other great anonymous quote:
A great oak is only a little nut that held its ground.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Student of Happiness
I returned to my alma mater today. I gave my spouse, CB, a ride to school. Instead of grabbing a cup of coffee, I chose to hang out near the music building and use the venue to write. I spend a lot of time in my home office, so sometimes it’s helpful to have a change of scenery.
I graduated from community college in 1985. It was an 11-year process for me to earn a two-year degree. I’m sure many folks thought I’d never finish. But, if I am anything, I am persistent. Once I moved on to Arizona State University it took me three more years to earn my Bachelor's degree in journalism. In total, it took me 14 years to earn a four-year degree. However, in my defense, I gave birth to both of my daughters, worked part time and still kept up with my responsibilities of being a wife, parent and volunteer.
If I had gone to school full time during that period and concentrated on medicine, I could have done something more prestigious, like become an orthopedic surgeon. Instead of wielding a scalpel, I have a pen and computer. I do not have a MD after my name, but I am a healer of sorts. That is why I decided to co-write the self-help book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. My co-author, Jackie, and I saw people in pain and we decided to do something to help.
It all started when Jackie and I were discussing some of our favorite self-improvement books and how they had helped us. Then the conversation shifted to people we knew who were in terrible emotional pain and very negative because of it. We wondered, “What would it take to help someone like that?” We brainstormed and decided that there needed to be some sort of primer, or “read this first” book that could help them erase their negativity. Then once they were no longer entrenched in negativity, they could go on and enjoy the optimistic messages in other books. Our thought was that if a person doesn’t erase their negativity first, any optimistic front would just fall apart.
I’ll be honest, sometimes ongoing education is a pain. After my marathon process to earn a Bachelor’s degree, it was years before I wanted to park my butt on one of those uncomfortable little wooden desks and listen to a lecture again. But I did. I also learn in other ways such as webinars, reading, attending lectures etc. Like it or not, we are always learning new things. Sometimes we continue the educational process by replaying old, negative messages about our past. That is about as useful as studying for a urine test. But I digress.
Whether or not you are in a classroom, learning is a life-long process. For instance, Jackie and I chose to focus our energy on the topic of erasing negativity. Why? Because negativity is a killer of happiness, a robber of the spirit and the best friend of despair. No one is born negative (although I’ve met some crabby babies.) Pessimism is a habit we learned. The good news is we can take steps to erase negative thoughts, speech and actions and concentrate on replacing those nasty tendencies and replace it with more empowering alternatives.
That is why I’m reaching out to individuals to offer a free, 30-minute phone consultation to the first five individuals who qualify for this offer (yes I make you fill out a form, but it is not a big deal.) Please contact me through my blog, www.erasenegativity.blogspot.com, website, www.erasenegativity.com or email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know if you are interested.
Forget about the old cliché about you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. There is no time like the present to begin a new journey toward a happier, magical life. I look forward to hearing from you. Now go home. Class dismissed.
I graduated from community college in 1985. It was an 11-year process for me to earn a two-year degree. I’m sure many folks thought I’d never finish. But, if I am anything, I am persistent. Once I moved on to Arizona State University it took me three more years to earn my Bachelor's degree in journalism. In total, it took me 14 years to earn a four-year degree. However, in my defense, I gave birth to both of my daughters, worked part time and still kept up with my responsibilities of being a wife, parent and volunteer.
If I had gone to school full time during that period and concentrated on medicine, I could have done something more prestigious, like become an orthopedic surgeon. Instead of wielding a scalpel, I have a pen and computer. I do not have a MD after my name, but I am a healer of sorts. That is why I decided to co-write the self-help book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. My co-author, Jackie, and I saw people in pain and we decided to do something to help.
It all started when Jackie and I were discussing some of our favorite self-improvement books and how they had helped us. Then the conversation shifted to people we knew who were in terrible emotional pain and very negative because of it. We wondered, “What would it take to help someone like that?” We brainstormed and decided that there needed to be some sort of primer, or “read this first” book that could help them erase their negativity. Then once they were no longer entrenched in negativity, they could go on and enjoy the optimistic messages in other books. Our thought was that if a person doesn’t erase their negativity first, any optimistic front would just fall apart.
I’ll be honest, sometimes ongoing education is a pain. After my marathon process to earn a Bachelor’s degree, it was years before I wanted to park my butt on one of those uncomfortable little wooden desks and listen to a lecture again. But I did. I also learn in other ways such as webinars, reading, attending lectures etc. Like it or not, we are always learning new things. Sometimes we continue the educational process by replaying old, negative messages about our past. That is about as useful as studying for a urine test. But I digress.
Whether or not you are in a classroom, learning is a life-long process. For instance, Jackie and I chose to focus our energy on the topic of erasing negativity. Why? Because negativity is a killer of happiness, a robber of the spirit and the best friend of despair. No one is born negative (although I’ve met some crabby babies.) Pessimism is a habit we learned. The good news is we can take steps to erase negative thoughts, speech and actions and concentrate on replacing those nasty tendencies and replace it with more empowering alternatives.
That is why I’m reaching out to individuals to offer a free, 30-minute phone consultation to the first five individuals who qualify for this offer (yes I make you fill out a form, but it is not a big deal.) Please contact me through my blog, www.erasenegativity.blogspot.com, website, www.erasenegativity.com or email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know if you are interested.
Forget about the old cliché about you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. There is no time like the present to begin a new journey toward a happier, magical life. I look forward to hearing from you. Now go home. Class dismissed.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Where Seldom is Heard a Discouraging Word
My senior women’s softball team, The Stingers, scored another victory over the weekend. I was especially happy because it was the first time my daughter, Alicia, and my two granddaughters, Rosannah and Briannah, watched me play.
Rosannah, who is three years old, seemed thrilled to see so many women wear the same shirt they have seen grandma wear. It’s bright yellow and has a bee with a softball bat in its hands. Rosannah knows the bug is a bee. Little Briannah, who is 20 months, insists the bee is a flower. Disagreeing with her is like arguing with an umpire, so I just nod and smile when she points to the little buzzer and says “flower.” I know for sure she doesn’t think I smell like a flower, particularly after a game. But I digress.
Rosannah is a very good mimic. I encouraged her to say “Go Jo!” when our third baseman went out to the field. She gave a shyer “Yeah Sue” to another teammate and “Hit it hard Betty” when Betty, our 82-year-old right fielder was up to bat. After a great defensive inning, I ran in from left field and heard Rosannah say, “Go Stingers!”
I think it was one of the best games our team has played. Our infield managed two double plays. The pitching and catching combo performed like a well-oiled machine, and the outfielders made some terrific catches. Even when our opponents hit the ball so hard that this old grandma had to chase the ball to the fence, I managed to get the ball to our rover, Karen, who made a fantastic throw and threw the batter out at home plate. Everyone, and I mean everyone, played an awesome game.
We don’t get a lot of fans at our games and it is always fun when we do. I can’t say that we won because my family was there, but it didn’t hurt. I think it is especially nice to hear someone sing our praises, even if it’s shouted by a tyke who still wears a diaper.
The Stingers have some of the most supportive women in the league. Our star players not only help their own teammates, they coach players for the Senior Olympics. Many of the women who receive this sage advice play on opposing teams. More than once a formerly weak batter has gained knowledge from a Stinger, then went on to use their new skills and sting us with a well hit ball over our heads! However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that we love to see all the women succeed and improve.
Which brings me back to the point I’m going to make, which, of course, has to be a plug for my book. This is MY blog after all. In my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, we put a lot of emphasis on erasing negative thoughts, speech and actions and replacing it with more empowering alternatives. For instance, rather than self-punishing thoughts such as “I’m too fat,” when you gain a little extra weight, why not say, “I love how I feel when I make healthy choices?” Eventually the brain gets the message and our behavior will match our kinder thoughts and words.
That is not to say that there aren’t times when we have to give, or swallow, constructive criticism. If we want to improve, we have to be open to helpful advice. When you are the one offering suggestions, it is best to come from a place of compassion, not arrogance. When you are on the receiving end, it is best to remember the advice is meant to help, not hurt. If the person IS trying to hurt you, it is best to remember that their cruel intent is a reflection of their insecurity, and let it fall away like water off a duck’s back.
While criticism is sometimes necessary, words of praise and support are always welcome. Whether it’s an encouraging word from a seasoned ballplayer, or a toddler who likes to parrot her grandma’s suggestions, people blossom with praise. Wait a minute, I just had a thought. People BLOSSOM with praise. Little Briannah always points to the bee on my uniform and insists it’s a flower. A flower is a type of blossom. Maybe she has been trying to deliver a deeper message than I previously thought.
Whether my granddaughter is a wise philosopher, or just fueled an interesting idea, here is my parting lyrics you can sing to the tune from Home on the Range.
“Oh give me a home, where the old ladies roam, and the Stingers and another team play. Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word, cuz our hearing aids aren’t turned up all the way. Home, home on the field. Where strong bats and good thoughts anneal. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, cuz praise makes us happy all day.”
Rosannah, who is three years old, seemed thrilled to see so many women wear the same shirt they have seen grandma wear. It’s bright yellow and has a bee with a softball bat in its hands. Rosannah knows the bug is a bee. Little Briannah, who is 20 months, insists the bee is a flower. Disagreeing with her is like arguing with an umpire, so I just nod and smile when she points to the little buzzer and says “flower.” I know for sure she doesn’t think I smell like a flower, particularly after a game. But I digress.
Rosannah is a very good mimic. I encouraged her to say “Go Jo!” when our third baseman went out to the field. She gave a shyer “Yeah Sue” to another teammate and “Hit it hard Betty” when Betty, our 82-year-old right fielder was up to bat. After a great defensive inning, I ran in from left field and heard Rosannah say, “Go Stingers!”
I think it was one of the best games our team has played. Our infield managed two double plays. The pitching and catching combo performed like a well-oiled machine, and the outfielders made some terrific catches. Even when our opponents hit the ball so hard that this old grandma had to chase the ball to the fence, I managed to get the ball to our rover, Karen, who made a fantastic throw and threw the batter out at home plate. Everyone, and I mean everyone, played an awesome game.
We don’t get a lot of fans at our games and it is always fun when we do. I can’t say that we won because my family was there, but it didn’t hurt. I think it is especially nice to hear someone sing our praises, even if it’s shouted by a tyke who still wears a diaper.
The Stingers have some of the most supportive women in the league. Our star players not only help their own teammates, they coach players for the Senior Olympics. Many of the women who receive this sage advice play on opposing teams. More than once a formerly weak batter has gained knowledge from a Stinger, then went on to use their new skills and sting us with a well hit ball over our heads! However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that we love to see all the women succeed and improve.
Which brings me back to the point I’m going to make, which, of course, has to be a plug for my book. This is MY blog after all. In my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, we put a lot of emphasis on erasing negative thoughts, speech and actions and replacing it with more empowering alternatives. For instance, rather than self-punishing thoughts such as “I’m too fat,” when you gain a little extra weight, why not say, “I love how I feel when I make healthy choices?” Eventually the brain gets the message and our behavior will match our kinder thoughts and words.
That is not to say that there aren’t times when we have to give, or swallow, constructive criticism. If we want to improve, we have to be open to helpful advice. When you are the one offering suggestions, it is best to come from a place of compassion, not arrogance. When you are on the receiving end, it is best to remember the advice is meant to help, not hurt. If the person IS trying to hurt you, it is best to remember that their cruel intent is a reflection of their insecurity, and let it fall away like water off a duck’s back.
While criticism is sometimes necessary, words of praise and support are always welcome. Whether it’s an encouraging word from a seasoned ballplayer, or a toddler who likes to parrot her grandma’s suggestions, people blossom with praise. Wait a minute, I just had a thought. People BLOSSOM with praise. Little Briannah always points to the bee on my uniform and insists it’s a flower. A flower is a type of blossom. Maybe she has been trying to deliver a deeper message than I previously thought.
Whether my granddaughter is a wise philosopher, or just fueled an interesting idea, here is my parting lyrics you can sing to the tune from Home on the Range.
“Oh give me a home, where the old ladies roam, and the Stingers and another team play. Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word, cuz our hearing aids aren’t turned up all the way. Home, home on the field. Where strong bats and good thoughts anneal. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, cuz praise makes us happy all day.”
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Root, Root, Rooting for the Home Team Gal
I was a happy, little ballplayer the other day. I hit the game-winning run in softball on Valentine’s Day. My team, the mighty Stingers, edged out the Fountain of the Sun team 7 to 6. While this may not seem like a news story worthy of ESPN, it was a big deal to me, and of course to my team.
We had a healthy advantage throughout the game, but our opponents chipped away at our lead until they had a breakthrough inning and scored enough runs to tie the game. The bottom of our batting order took up the challenge. Carol got a hit, followed by Deanna. Connie, who bats last in the lineup, smacked a nice shot and her pinch runner, Carla was safe at first. Now there were loaded bases and two outs.
I came up to bat and knew the pressure was on. I do my best when there are no runners on base. I play on a senior women’s team (for ladies 50 years and older) and a lot of the women cannot run that well due to past injuries. I can usually trot down to first base in a timely manner (especially when my teammate Karen screams “RUN!” like the fate of the world depended on it.) However, when there are runners on base I not only have to make sure that I get on, but that I don’t get the other runners out.
I walked up to the plate feigning more confidence than I felt. I generally take the first pitch to get a feel for things (and pray the pitcher will screw up and walk me.) Of course the pitcher’s first attempt was right across the plate. Darn. Then she tossed a couple of balls. The next pitch looked inside, but it wasn’t. Another strike. Now the count was 2 and 2. My hopes of walking and letting one of the stronger batters in the lineup take my place was quickly evaporating. When I have two strikes I’ll usually swing at anything that isn’t rolling on the ground or sailing over the backstop. She pitched the ball and I hit it. I took off to first base. I didn’t even stop to see where the ball went (it’s a bad habit I’m trying to break.) I got to first base and Shirley, the first base coach, gave me a congratulatory hand slap and said the game was won.
It was an important victory for the team as we had not been doing so well. We beat the team with the worst record the game before, but prior to that we had lost 9 straight games. Ouch. Unfortunately I was not able to bask in glory during the post game celebration as I had to pick up my spouse, CB, from the airport. However, our team manager and star player, Mary Lou, gave me a victory sucker (the candy type.)
So why am I telling you this story? Although I am happy to have come through for my team, the real message is about perseverance. I have never been, nor am I now, a great ball player. However, I do try to focus, give it my best, and make efforts to improve. At an age when a lot of folks would hang up their glove and move to safer past times, I am determined to succeed where I failed in my youth.
The same is true of the negative mindset I adopted for far too many years. I not only chose to reprogram my thinking, I decided to write about it. While co-authoring the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I interviewed several people who faced adversity and overcame it. The stakes were a lot higher than a recreational softball game. Some folks were abused, or abused themselves, businesses went bankrupt and other businesses were rebuilt. One mother dealt with the death of her only son, and a daughter tried to overcome the tragedy of her mother’s murder.
The book is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.
Life is not about winning all the time. It’s about getting up after you’re down and trying again. So if you, or someone you care about needs some help erasing negativity, please visit www.erasenegativity.com. If you email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know you read this blog, I’ll even autograph the book and throw in free shipping as a bonus. I want to help others, but it still makes me feel good to know there are folks out there who read my articles and are rooting for my success as well.
We had a healthy advantage throughout the game, but our opponents chipped away at our lead until they had a breakthrough inning and scored enough runs to tie the game. The bottom of our batting order took up the challenge. Carol got a hit, followed by Deanna. Connie, who bats last in the lineup, smacked a nice shot and her pinch runner, Carla was safe at first. Now there were loaded bases and two outs.
I came up to bat and knew the pressure was on. I do my best when there are no runners on base. I play on a senior women’s team (for ladies 50 years and older) and a lot of the women cannot run that well due to past injuries. I can usually trot down to first base in a timely manner (especially when my teammate Karen screams “RUN!” like the fate of the world depended on it.) However, when there are runners on base I not only have to make sure that I get on, but that I don’t get the other runners out.
I walked up to the plate feigning more confidence than I felt. I generally take the first pitch to get a feel for things (and pray the pitcher will screw up and walk me.) Of course the pitcher’s first attempt was right across the plate. Darn. Then she tossed a couple of balls. The next pitch looked inside, but it wasn’t. Another strike. Now the count was 2 and 2. My hopes of walking and letting one of the stronger batters in the lineup take my place was quickly evaporating. When I have two strikes I’ll usually swing at anything that isn’t rolling on the ground or sailing over the backstop. She pitched the ball and I hit it. I took off to first base. I didn’t even stop to see where the ball went (it’s a bad habit I’m trying to break.) I got to first base and Shirley, the first base coach, gave me a congratulatory hand slap and said the game was won.
It was an important victory for the team as we had not been doing so well. We beat the team with the worst record the game before, but prior to that we had lost 9 straight games. Ouch. Unfortunately I was not able to bask in glory during the post game celebration as I had to pick up my spouse, CB, from the airport. However, our team manager and star player, Mary Lou, gave me a victory sucker (the candy type.)
So why am I telling you this story? Although I am happy to have come through for my team, the real message is about perseverance. I have never been, nor am I now, a great ball player. However, I do try to focus, give it my best, and make efforts to improve. At an age when a lot of folks would hang up their glove and move to safer past times, I am determined to succeed where I failed in my youth.
The same is true of the negative mindset I adopted for far too many years. I not only chose to reprogram my thinking, I decided to write about it. While co-authoring the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I interviewed several people who faced adversity and overcame it. The stakes were a lot higher than a recreational softball game. Some folks were abused, or abused themselves, businesses went bankrupt and other businesses were rebuilt. One mother dealt with the death of her only son, and a daughter tried to overcome the tragedy of her mother’s murder.
The book is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.
Life is not about winning all the time. It’s about getting up after you’re down and trying again. So if you, or someone you care about needs some help erasing negativity, please visit www.erasenegativity.com. If you email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know you read this blog, I’ll even autograph the book and throw in free shipping as a bonus. I want to help others, but it still makes me feel good to know there are folks out there who read my articles and are rooting for my success as well.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Looking for a Bridge Over Troubled Waters
I was chatting with Kristen Tews on a recent radio interview of Personal Best (http://www.wkrs.com/ or set your radio dial to WKRS 1220 if you live in the Chicago area) and we discussed the importance of having good and supportive friends.
When we are facing difficulties, such as loss of a job, a natural tendency is to find someone to commiserate with. “Misery loves company” is not only an old saying, it seems that a lot of folks turn to this as deep wisdom. Unfortunately, that advice (for lack of a kinder word) sucks.
I would like to offer this analogy. If you abandoned a sinking ship and climbed aboard a life raft that was also sinking, are you going to swim to a life raft that also has a hole in it, or are you going to climb aboard one that is more seaworthy?
Negativity is like a cold – it’s contagious. When your mood is down it is best to find someone who will elevate your mood, not hold your hand while you sink to the bottom. While it can sometimes be comforting to know that others face similar problems, it is more productive to learn how someone who endured a similar problem and OVERCAME it.
In our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, the importance of mentors and good friends are key components in erasing negativity. Here is an excerpt on choosing good friends and mentors.
When evaluating friendships ask yourself the following questions:
“Does the person display good qualities such as honesty, integrity and consideration?”
“Are they selfish and self serving?”
All friendships experience a give and take of needs, but if you find you are the one doing all the giving, especially in the beginning of the friendship, it is best to step back and access the situation carefully. Often good-hearted individuals get sucked into an unhealthy alliance with a charismatic friend. Unfortunately, most of these individuals have learned to prey upon the kindness of others and are only interested in what they can take – be it time, money or favors. It is better to walk away from these people right away before you get emotionally involved.
“Do they talk critically about others behind their backs?” If so, chances are they will do the same about you.
“Are they cheerful or cynical?”
Not everyone can be genial all the time, but someone who is consistently cynical operates on a lower vibration energetically, and if you spend a great deal of time with them your mood will be affected.
“Are they trustworthy and loyal?”
Remember that one’s actions speak louder than words. If a person says they are loyal, but demonstrates qualities that show they are otherwise, consider the actions, not what they say as the true barometer of their character.
Tammy D’Antonio, one of the individuals interviewed in Chapter 4 of Erase Negativity, outlined the following goals to help improve her financial situation:
1.Set goals.
2.State your intention.
3.Take action.
4.Have faith.
5.Always keep moving.
6.Never be defeated.
7.Always strive for something bigger than you!
8.Have humility.
9.Love.
Rather than engaging in the “misery loves company” mindset, Tammy suggests the following to keep an optimistic and empowering viewpoint:
•Set goals, write them down and review them every day.
•Seek out positive role models.
•Substitute negative behavior (such as watching television or depressing movies) and replace it with a few minutes of reading motivational books, listening to motivational tapes, or attending inspirational meetings or events.
Additional tips can be found throughout Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. The bottom line is sympathy may seem comforting, but it is rarely the call to action that is needed to overcome difficulties. When I was a little girl and asked my father for sympathy (usually after a poor performance in sports) he’d always say, “You know where you’ll find sympathy in the dictionary? Between sh** and syphilis.”
Not exactly poetry, but dear old dad had a point. When you are in a sinking ship, don’t whine with the doomed, align yourself with those who have learned how to stay afloat. And once you have mastered that, be sure to be a lighthouse so you can guide others who are trying to find their way through troubled waters.
When we are facing difficulties, such as loss of a job, a natural tendency is to find someone to commiserate with. “Misery loves company” is not only an old saying, it seems that a lot of folks turn to this as deep wisdom. Unfortunately, that advice (for lack of a kinder word) sucks.
I would like to offer this analogy. If you abandoned a sinking ship and climbed aboard a life raft that was also sinking, are you going to swim to a life raft that also has a hole in it, or are you going to climb aboard one that is more seaworthy?
Negativity is like a cold – it’s contagious. When your mood is down it is best to find someone who will elevate your mood, not hold your hand while you sink to the bottom. While it can sometimes be comforting to know that others face similar problems, it is more productive to learn how someone who endured a similar problem and OVERCAME it.
In our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, the importance of mentors and good friends are key components in erasing negativity. Here is an excerpt on choosing good friends and mentors.
When evaluating friendships ask yourself the following questions:
“Does the person display good qualities such as honesty, integrity and consideration?”
“Are they selfish and self serving?”
All friendships experience a give and take of needs, but if you find you are the one doing all the giving, especially in the beginning of the friendship, it is best to step back and access the situation carefully. Often good-hearted individuals get sucked into an unhealthy alliance with a charismatic friend. Unfortunately, most of these individuals have learned to prey upon the kindness of others and are only interested in what they can take – be it time, money or favors. It is better to walk away from these people right away before you get emotionally involved.
“Do they talk critically about others behind their backs?” If so, chances are they will do the same about you.
“Are they cheerful or cynical?”
Not everyone can be genial all the time, but someone who is consistently cynical operates on a lower vibration energetically, and if you spend a great deal of time with them your mood will be affected.
“Are they trustworthy and loyal?”
Remember that one’s actions speak louder than words. If a person says they are loyal, but demonstrates qualities that show they are otherwise, consider the actions, not what they say as the true barometer of their character.
Tammy D’Antonio, one of the individuals interviewed in Chapter 4 of Erase Negativity, outlined the following goals to help improve her financial situation:
1.Set goals.
2.State your intention.
3.Take action.
4.Have faith.
5.Always keep moving.
6.Never be defeated.
7.Always strive for something bigger than you!
8.Have humility.
9.Love.
Rather than engaging in the “misery loves company” mindset, Tammy suggests the following to keep an optimistic and empowering viewpoint:
•Set goals, write them down and review them every day.
•Seek out positive role models.
•Substitute negative behavior (such as watching television or depressing movies) and replace it with a few minutes of reading motivational books, listening to motivational tapes, or attending inspirational meetings or events.
Additional tips can be found throughout Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. The bottom line is sympathy may seem comforting, but it is rarely the call to action that is needed to overcome difficulties. When I was a little girl and asked my father for sympathy (usually after a poor performance in sports) he’d always say, “You know where you’ll find sympathy in the dictionary? Between sh** and syphilis.”
Not exactly poetry, but dear old dad had a point. When you are in a sinking ship, don’t whine with the doomed, align yourself with those who have learned how to stay afloat. And once you have mastered that, be sure to be a lighthouse so you can guide others who are trying to find their way through troubled waters.
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