Rejection Stinks, But You Don't Have To

I was searching my files for an article I wrote for a nursing magazine and found this blog article from last year. I don't have any new rejections, but thought other writers may benefit from one of my blog reruns. Plus, it gives me something to post while I think of a new topic to write. Here it is...

I saw the email in my in box and my breath caught in my throat. I was expecting a response from a major publishing company about the book. A “thumbs up” would be the catalyst for an exciting new path in my writing and speaking career. It would also be a dream-come-true for my co-author Jackie.

The first couple of sentences were complimentary, “clearly written, stories that excellently illustrate your points, something that would prove of benefit to the general reader etc.” But the bottom line was no.
I had to remind myself to breathe. I could feel my chest tighten. My throat seemed to shut down, as if words trying to form there would no longer be able to escape. I looked out the window and the gentle rain seemed to be a substitute for the tears that would not fall from me. I come from stoic stock and crying just gives me a headache. I find it best to move on.

This letter was one of many rejections I’ve received in my life, but this one hurt more than most. I notified Jackie, who I knew would be disappointed as well. I sat for a moment and thought about what I would do. I pulled out my sample query letter and book proposal, searched the internet for another publisher and sent a revised letter off to someone new. I still didn’t feel better so I queried a couple of literary agents as well.
For a moment I felt like a failure, but then I realized the situation was the perfect opportunity to practice what I preach and take steps to erase my own negativity. Step one is acknowledging the negativity and deciding to do something about it. That comes automatically to me now so I skipped off to step two, erase and replace. I searched for new publishers and agents and set a new course. I didn’t beat myself up for being rejected, I concentrated on what I could do – try again. The third tip I tell folks is to smile. I took a shower instead.

No one likes rejection, but rejection and a smelly body are a bad combination. After my shower I started to dress. The closet doors in the master bedroom have mirrors. I stared at my reflection and gave myself a cheesy smile. No, I didn’t feel like it, but I did it anyway. As I dried my hair I thought about what really keeps people in a funk. I think it is loss of hope. There are any number of disappointing things that can happen to us, but as long as we can hold on to a glimmer of hope, there is the prospect of a better outcome in the future.

Even though I have written, lectured and coached folks on erasing negativity, I am only human and have bouts with personal negativity. But, with practice, I have learned to employ tactics to minimize the amount of negativity I allow into my life. And you can do the same.

If you would like to watch a you a short you tube video on Three Tips to Erase Negativity, go to

http://youtu.be/208XAm-x3R8

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have queries to write, people to call and smiles to fake until I can generate an authentic one of my own. Ha! Just writing about fake smiles made me laugh, a little laugh, but a laugh all the same. And the rain stopped. I’m feeling more hopeful already.

Make New Friends, But Keep the Old

I have a friend who is one of the hardest-working women on the planet. However, now that she is in her mid 60s, she is slowing down. Worst of all, her lack of zip has her feeling blue. This is a woman who works full time, takes care of an ailing spouse, keeps an immaculate house, cooks dinner, regularly attends Buddhist meetings and activities, and also assists her semi-retired husband in his business. We discussed diet, exercise, supplements, religion and a host of other topics to find solutions to boost her energy level. Then I came up with another idea – motivation through friendship.

My friend (I’ll call her “V”) is a brilliant woman, but I knew she was lacking in intellectual stimulation. I have felt that way myself. So we decided we needed more fun in our lives. The solution was to form a group of interesting women who were interested in attending cultural events, classes or activities. Since money is limited for several of us, we are checking into events that were free or cheap. This includes museums (many have no admission nights), concerts, plays, workshops at the library, attending art fairs, listening to authors at book signings, as well as a host of other activities.

We figured if we had a group of 10, we would most likely get three or four to attend any given event. Now that we are on the prowl for fun, it’s amazing how many activities there are to enjoy. My spouse, CB, suggested more athletic endeavors. And as valuable as that advice is, I know the most exercise a depressed woman wants to do is run screaming from the person who mentions it.

First things first. Start with a little fun, then maybe a bit of exercise. And I’m sure there will be some walking involved getting from the parking lot to the actual event. That counts for something, right?

I have been fortunate to have many wonderful friends in my life. However, as time goes by, it is easy to lose touch with one another. I’ve always made it a point to take the initiative and call up my friends – even if many years have passed. When I do, very often they tell me they had been thinking of me too, but just hadn’t had the chance to call. I’m not shy. I don’t mind being the one to call. The rewards far outweigh any goofy prideful thoughts of, “I called last time…blah, blah, blah.”

So it was not a big surprise to me when I read an article about friendship in MORE magazine and saw a little blurb on how there is scientific evidence that indicates friendships and extensive social networks can lower blood pressure; reduce the risk of diabetes and heart disease; ward off depression; and make us less susceptible to the ravages of old age. The article quoted a Harvard Nurses; Health Study that found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to become physically debilitated as they grew older.

Of course women have known for years that having friends is more than a nice thing – it’s really a valuable ingredient in creating a joyful life. It doesn’t matter if it’s a little chatter while pounding laundry on a rock near a stream, or sharing a dessert at a fancy restaurant, women value each other’s company.

In my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I dedicate a section on the importance of having good friends. So if you have some great buddies, call them up and schedule a date. Don’t wait until you have “extra” time. It won’t happen. Good friendships are worth the time investment. And it’s good for your health. You want to argue with Harvard nurses? I don’t. And if you don’t have friends, go out and meet some. Or email me through the blog. You can always join up with my friends. They’re the best.

Let Your Spirit Fly

One of my favorite dreams is about flying. There is something powerful about defying gravity and soaring above the earth, or perching from the top of a tall building like a bird. And no, I’m not tempted to mimic our feathered friends and leave deposits on people’s windshields. This blog is about erasing negativity, not creating more nastiness.

Flying dreams make me think back to when I was a little girl. I remember someone coming to the school and giving us an inspirational talk about how we could be – or do – anything we wanted. That wasn’t entirely true We weren't allowed to chew gum or leave school early. I had tried both of those activities and got in trouble. But the future did seem to have a lot of possibilities. My friend, Laurie, decided she wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to fly. My problem is I didn’t want to fly in an airplane – too many gadgets to worry about. I just wanted to do it on my own – like Superman or Mighty Mouse.

Most of the kids took the message with a grain of salt. We were probably seven years old and already a significant number of my classmates had put a limit on what they thought they could achieve in life. Laurie’s dad was a doctor. She wanted to be a nurse. I don’t think it occurred to any of us that she could be a doctor. This was the early 1960s and female doctors were still a rarity. As far as most of my classmates were concerned, Laurie had about as much chance of being a doctor as I had of flying.

A couple years later I decided I wanted to be a writer. I had entertained the idea of a couple other careers – the first female professional baseball player, a nurse, a pediatrician, but I decided writing was an achievable dream. Fortunately, I believed I could attain this goal, and so did my mother. I took journalism classes, wrote for the school newspapers and even won a few contests. The first story I submitted to a newspaper, the Arizona Republic, was picked up. I earned a whopping $30. My first submission to the college newspaper won first place in the Rocky Mountain Community College Journalism Competition.

Then reality set in.

Everyone told me how hard it was to be published. Tales of constant rejection – even for the most famous and talented scribes - circled around my head like mosquitoes in a swamp. My idealism and optimistic mindset were severely challenged. I had occasional victories, but it was always after a difficult battle. There were times when I thought I just didn’t have what it takes to succeed as an author. Fortunately, I’m a stubborn cuss. People may have varied opinions about whether or not I have any talent, but I will only be defeated if I give up. And I have no intention of doing that.

Which brings me to my point (and yes I do have one). I still want to fly. I have a laywoman’s knowledge of how gravity works, but I’m still hopeful that someone will invent a gravity belt, or some other contraption, and I’ll shoot up into the air like Dick Tracy.

The other day I took a walk along the Sacramento River. There is a beautiful park along the river’s edge and I inhaled the scent of the trees and watched the birds. The sights, sounds and smells took me back to the nature walks I went on when I was a kid. All of a sudden, the child in me was on board. I skipped down the trail. Why is it that almost no one over 10 skips anymore? I felt more alive than I had in a long while. I watched the birds fly overhead and imagined I could join them in flight. In my mind’s eye, I could see the top of the trees and path below. My heart raced with joy.

I returned to reality and enjoyed the rest of my earth-bound hike. But those few minutes where I let my heart and mind experience flight brought me incredible joy. On the return back to the motel, I felt an exuberance I hadn’t felt in a while. Everything seemed possible again. The energy and creative thoughts that seemed unable to percolate through my system, were now flowing through me like river water tumbling over rocks.

Reality is what we make it. Was the flight I experienced imagination? Probably. Do I care? Not one bit. Perhaps my earth-bound body was on terra firma, but my spirit was flying – and I won’t let it stay grounded for too long again.