A Guest Post from Igor

Occasionally I receive requests from writers who want to write a guest post for Erase Negativity. Igor Tomić is the featured blogger of the hour (or week.) Be sure to help spread the good news and share his story with others. Igor lives in Novi, Vojvodina (Serbia.)

TWO UNIQUE WAYS TO ERASE NEGATIVITY
 
Many of us have negative spells in our lives. We may be afraid of losing our jobs, stressed about a relationship that we had hoped would develop that didn’t, or anxiously waiting for the results of an exam. During these trying times we usually obsess with all that is wrong, and to be honest, we usually help bring about unfortunate results with our obsessive negative thinking.

How can we change negative thinking patterns into positive, helpful ones? Meditation and positive affirmations help me.

 MEDITATION

In its simplest form, meditation can be viewed as a practice where we monitor our thinking, which affects the functioning of our bodies, all while not thinking of anything. This is harder done than said, and it takes a lot of practice. 

A good way for beginners to start is to focus on their breathing. Stretch, find a comfortable position, make sure no one is going to disturb you, and relax. Then take a breath in, and take a breath out. Focus on your breaths. If you find your mind wandering and thinking about this and that, stop it immediately, and focus back on your breaths. Alternatively, you may try with a guided meditation mp3, where a speaker’s voice will guide you through the process so it feels more natural.

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Positive affirmations are simply positive sentences that you would repeat to yourself. They work

not only because of repetition, but because of a few tricks that you can employ while using them.

For example, when you awaken, or just before you go to sleep your mind is usually more

susceptible to suggestion, and positive affirmations have a better chance of working well. Remember never to use the negative form, as our minds cannot grasp the negative. The standard example would be if I told you right now not to think of a juicy, well cooked, big, tasty potato.

Really, just stop. Don't think of that potato. You are thinking about that potato, aren't you? Also, saying the affirmations out loud, in front of a mirror, with full conviction of what you are saying usually has a tremendous benefit after a few weeks.

Focus on one problem area at a time. Here is how positive affirmations might look like:

"I am completely relaxed at all times." "I take everything on as it comes." "I easily handle all the problems that arise."

It may sound simple, but positive affirmations are effective and they help. Not right away, but take on a habit to repeat about ten to twenty sentences each day, and you'll do good.

There is a website, freeaffirmations.org that is an awesome resource to check out pre-made affirmations for pretty much anything you can think of.

I hope meditations and affirmations will have a benefit on your life, just like they had on mine. Just go ahead and give them a couple of weeks trial, you will be happy you did.

Dealing With Rejection

I saw the email in my in box and my breath caught in my throat. I was expecting a response from a major publishing company about the book. A “thumbs up” would be the catalyst for an exciting new path in my writing and speaking career. It would also be a dream-come-true for my co-author Jackie.

The first couple of sentences were complimentary, “clearly written, stories that excellently illustrate your points, something that would prove of benefit to the general reader etc.” But the bottom line was no.

I had to remind myself to breathe. I could feel my chest tighten. My throat seemed to shut down, as if words trying to form there would no longer be able to escape. I looked out the window and the gentle rain seemed to be a substitute for the tears that would not fall from me. I come from stoic stock and crying just gives me a headache. I find it best to move on.

This letter was one of many rejections I’ve received in my life, but this one hurt more than most. I notified Jackie, who I knew would be disappointed as well. I sat for a moment and thought about what I would do. I pulled out my sample query letter and book proposal, searched the internet for another publisher and sent a revised letter off to someone new. I still didn’t feel better so I queried a couple of literary agents as well.

For a moment I felt like a failure, but then I realized the situation was the perfect opportunity to practice what I preach and take steps to erase my own negativity. Step one is acknowledging the negativity and deciding to do something about it. That comes automatically to me now so I skipped off to step two, erase and replace. I searched for new publishers and agents and set a new course. I didn’t beat myself up for being rejected, I concentrated on what I could do – try again. The third tip I tell folks is to smile. I took a shower instead.

No one likes rejection, but rejection and a smelly body are a bad combination. After my shower I started to dress. The closet doors in the master bedroom have mirrors. I stared at my reflection and gave myself a cheesy smile. No, I didn’t feel like it, but I did it anyway. As I dried my hair I thought about what really keeps people in a funk. I think it is loss of hope. There are any number of disappointing things that can happen to us, but as long as we can hold on to a glimmer of hope, there is the prospect of a better outcome in the future.

Even though I have written, lectured and coached folks on erasing negativity, I am only human and have bouts with personal negativity. But, with practice, I have learned to employ tactics to minimize the amount of negativity I allow into my life. And you can do the same.

If you would like to watch a you a short you tube video on Three Tips to Erase Negativity, go to

http://youtu.be/208XAm-x3R8

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have queries to write, people to call and smiles to fake until I can generate an authentic one of my own. Ha! Just writing about fake smiles made me laugh, a little laugh, but a laugh all the same. And the rain stopped.

I’m feeling more hopeful already.

Missing the Boat and Other Screw Ups

Sometimes a little screw up can have major ramifications. I narrowly missed one today. I was about to board the Coho ferry to go to Victoria, B.C with my brother-in-law, Charles. I had gone to Canada a couple weeks ago with my spouse CB and I knew the process. As Charles and I started to make our way down the line to board I pulled out my passport and looked at my passport photo.. Oops.

That wasn’t my unsmiling face, it was CB’s. We got out of line and hoofed it back to the house in Port Angeles, WA.

The problem wasn’t horrific. The ferry tickets will be good tomorrow and we’ll try again. However, had I not noticed the situation, I’m sure Homeland Security would have had a few questions for me. CB and I aren’t exactly identical twins, but we are close enough in height, weight, age and general appearance that it might have looked like I was trying to pull off a fast one. Plus, I reported my passport was stolen last year (another error) so I’m probably in some data base somewhere.

I may have messed up, but I’m not alone. When I went online to read the news I noticed some skydivers were blown off course and landed in a high security submarine base. Talk about dropping in at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or as I’m sure as Ricky Ricardo would’ve said to his wayward spouse, “Lucy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do.”
Speaking of Lucy from the famed “I Love Lucy” show, she was a character I got a kick out of. I identified with her desire to be in show business, her crazy knack for getting into embarrassing situations and her spunk. Lucy was always in some sort of trouble and her antics always made us laugh.

I don’t court mishaps and danger, but I have had more than my fair share of blunders. Most of these errors are minor. I’ve walked around with an article of clothing inside out, worn mismatched shoes and walked out of public restrooms trailing toilet paper from my shoe. My navigational sense is severely challenged and I almost never get to my destination without making at least one wrong turn. Needless to say, I am a type B personality with no delusion of perfection. Fortunately I’m not in a profession, like medicine, where mistakes can have deadly consequences. Embarrassing yes (like the time I typed a letter to school principals asking for help for our Parks and Farts Foundation.) But no one dies when I misspell a word or let a participle dangle inappropriately.

I don’t want to appear that I don’t give a hoot and do a careless job in my undertakings. However, I know I’m human and slip ups are a part of life. In fact, I have learned a whole lot more from my gaffes than my successes. Not only have my screw ups resulted in a multitude of valuable lessons, they often become fodder for my comedy writing.

I guess that is why so many of us loved Lucy. I admired June Cleaver’s finesse at vacuuming in heels and pearls. I’m sure Ozzie (Nelson not Osbourne) made it through his long career without having to bail Harriet out of jail or rehab, but how exciting is that?

The point of this whole thing is life is too short to engage in self abuse over our mistakes. We can’t stop the negativity others throw in our direction, but we can stop beating ourselves up. When we make an error in judgment we should recognize it, make a plan to prevent it from happening again, and in time, laugh about it.

A good first step is toward living a happier life is to curtail all critical self talk. Self negativity puts a grinding halt to success and happiness. Every time you say a disparaging remark about yourself your subconscious soaks it up like a sponge. Your brain cannot distinguish between self ridicule and an offhand “I was just kidding” remark. Whatever you say or think, the brain just takes it in. It’s a big “yes” machine. If you say, “I’m stupid,” it writes the “Yes, I’m stupid, program.” If you declare, “I will never be happy,” the message becomes fact and you will never be happy. The irony is that it isn’t your enemies who fling the majority of these toxic statements about. You do it to yourself.
If you had a magic genie that would give you what you want, what would you wish for? Would your wish be a bad marriage, constant pain and a cruel boss? Of course not! Then why give those messages to yourself?

Your wishes, good, bad or indifferent, become your brain’s programming. So why not try for something that will bring you joy? That does not mean that everything wonderful you wish for will instantly become reality. But if you surround yourself with positive thoughts and begin a course of action to achieve the things you want in life, you will move your life in a happier direction.

Disparaging thoughts can spread like a cancer and slip into your speech, and eventually manifest in unproductive and harmful actions. Many individuals, especially those who have suffered a loss, are largely unaware of how negative they have become. It is a habit. And habits, if not changed, become a way of life.

I had thought about ending this article with a cool quote from Confucius, but I’ve used it before. So instead I’ll just encourage you to learn and laugh at your mistakes and stop all that self-flagellation. And if by chance your mistake results in missing the proverbial boat, never fear. You can join me on a future ferry ride tomorrow, eh?

Cleaning Out Hearts, Souls and Toilets

I’ve seen a few articles about spring cleaning in the newspaper and on television. I’m semi-motivated to do a little seasonal clean-up – but I thought it would be so much nicer to write about it than to actually do it. It reminds me of a former boss of mine who said that every time she had the desire to exercise she sat down until the feeling went away.

I used to be very enthusiastic about cleaning. Needless to say, this “need to clean” has long since lost its luster. I appreciate a clean house, and my house is always presentable, but the excitement of polishing furniture, vacuuming carpets and scrubbing the bathroom is not my idea of a good time.

In my youth, I actually enjoyed cleaning. I’d play my favorite Bonnie Raitt tapes and I’d scrub while grooving to the music. I remember my youngest daughter, Brittany, who was maybe 4 years old at the time, would run through the house with her hands on her ears and yell, “No! No more Bonnie Raitt!” I think I should have played more than one album over and over.

Another one of my pet peeves is clutter. I love getting rid of things more than most people enjoy collecting it. I would love to live a simple life with fewer attachments, but this has never happened because I’m always partnered with hoarders. My mother was a product of the Depression, so she kept everything. Why she thought the utility bill stubs from 1946 would come in handy, I’ll never know. However, it isn’t uncommon, because my spouse, CB, not only keeps everything, somehow my spousal pack rat inherited the family archive of utility bills, doctor bills, college tuition payments etc. as well. All of these items are at least 30 years old – and some are old enough to collect social security.

I don’t want you to think I’m wasteful. When I have things, I do use them. And I am a huge believer in reuse and recycle. But after a while it is time to let go. That is why I felt vindicated when I interviewed Lisa Montgomery, one of the top feng shui practitioners in the southwest, about how to improve the energy in the home.

Here are some tips that are listed in the Home Sweet Home Chapter.

• Give the house a thorough cleaning. Qi stagnates in a messy environment. Not everyone enjoys cleaning, but your life is worth it. Clean up your act and keep it that way.
• Get rid of clutter.
• Box items you don’t use and put a date on it. If you haven’t used it in a year, sell it, give it away or donate it to charity.
• Take an inventory of the things in your house. Pay attention to how each object makes you feel. If you experience a negative sensation, get rid of it.
• Surround yourself with things you love. If that means getting rid of that ugly lamp you inherited from Aunt Tilly, so be it. You don’t wear Aunt Tilly’s clothes and you don’t have to live with her ugly furnishings.

It’s raining today. It’s a perfect daytime for cleaning. It’s not my favorite chore, but I’m going to do it. I see a few stacks of papers to recycle, some magazine that I will donate to the library, and the toilets…well…I don’t need to go into that. Well, actually I DO need to “go” in there, but I digress. Sometimes you just have to buck up and get things done – pleasant or otherwise.

For those of you who would like to clean a little negativity out your hearts and minds, please pick up a copy of my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. It's $15 on Amazon, but you can still get it at the sale price of $12.99 at several bookstores in Arizona, California, Colorado and Washington.

If you contact me through my website www.EraseNegativity.com or email me at Markspr@cox.net I can send an autographed copy of the book for $15 and I'll pay the shipping. Happy cleaning...