Starry, Starry Night

I sat in the hot tub and gazed at the stars above me. I smiled to myself as I thought how the celestial globes DID look like diamonds in the sky, just like the lyrics in Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

I savored the water jets as they pummeled my aching neck and shoulders. I relished in the simple pleasure of a quiet evening sitting, soaking and star gazing. “So what is the big deal about that?” you may ask. Certainly I have thought the same thing at times. I’ve had a hot tub in the backyard for several years. The stars have twinkled before my birth and will go on sparkling long after I’m dust. However, what was unusual about this encounter is not that I enjoyed myself, but why I hadn’t regaled in this experience more often?

When my spouse, CB, is home, the hot tub is not an overlooked box of water and heavenly bodies are never taken for granted. However, when my nature-loving spouse is traveling and I’m alone, I generally find something else to do rather than partake in the pleasures that exist in my own backyard. I thought about this odd behavior and decided that I cheat myself out of this available indulgence because ...

1. CB isn’t there to enjoy it with me.

2. My muscles aren’t sore so why bother?

So why did I finally enjoy the tub and stars? Did I have some magical moment of insight? Unfortunately I slipped into the tub because my muscles were sore and I was out of IB Profen. But the bigger question is why do I feel have to wait until I have a good reason to enjoy myself in my backyard haven? Is there some Puritanical edict that declares the hot tub is off limits if my muscles are not bound up in knots, my cupboards are stocked with pain reliever and my spouse is out of town?

Of course not.

However, somewhere in my misguided psyche I felt like I had to earn this luxury out of either medicinal or marital need. However, while I have the misguided notion that I have to “deserve” to sit in the hot tub, I do feel that I am free to enjoy a happy life. This has not always been the case. Just as I rationed my smiles and laughter, in the past I put limits on my happiness as well.

Fortunately, I learned that happiness is something we can all enjoy. There are no stipulations. We may put a few self-imposed restrictions on our happiness, but these are restrictions of our own choosing. There is no law that we have to punish ourselves first in order to experience joy in our daily lives.

That is not to say that you should quit your job, refuse to clean your bathroom and simply do what you want regardless of the consequences. Happiness isn’t about a life of hedonistic pleasure and debauchery. It’s about enjoying what there is to enjoy and reducing the unnecessary attachment to negativity that eats away at our souls.

So to reiterate, the first tip in this article is to debunk the notion you have to do the emotional equivalent of 50 pushups before you can smile, laugh or be happy. You earned the right to happiness when you took your first breath. Happiness is your right.

The second roadblock to a more cheerful existence is immersing ourselves in negativity. That is why my friend and co-author Jackie and I wrote Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. Remember, you wouldn’t cuddle a cactus, why would you want to hang on to negativity for dear life? Let it go. If you must hold onto something, embrace happiness.

For more tips, please visit our website, EraseNegativity.com or buy the book through Amazon. If you can't afford to buy it, ask the library to carry it. You can also enter “erase negativity” and find us on you tube. Here is a link on three tips on how to erase negativity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=208XAm-x3R8

Also, if you are in the mood for a little laugh, please view (and hopefully "like") my video pitch for my pitch to NBC Playground for my sitcom pilot, Fish out of Water.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvoYTqs4yF0

But enough happiness tips for now. There are stars and a hot tub calling my name and I’m ready to enjoy a starry, starry night.

Monster on the Run

I enjoy outings with my granddaughters and teaching them things. However there are times I find I learn something valuable from THEM. The girls and I went shopping for a birthday gift for their mom (we picked out a handbag) and I bought Rosannah and Briannah matching Easter dresses. In fact each outfit had corresponding clothes for their dolls. Maybe it’s a grandma thing but I like to buy things that match. The coordinating doll outfits were probably a bit much, but Jackie and Rainbow (the girl’s dolls) needed some new duds.

After our hard work of infusing a few bucks into Arizona’s retail economy we went to the indoor kiddy playground at the mall. As I sat down I spied one mom who sat silently and seemed a bit depressed. I wanted to go over and talk to her, but chose not to. I didn’t want to take a chance that any friendliness I offered would be rejected. 

Instead I picked my spot where I had a good vantage point of where I could watch my granddaughters enjoy some indoor fun. There were probably six kids in the play area and they all ran around and played nicely together – except for the occasional mid-run collision. At one point the kids decided one of the little boys was a monster and they fled from him. At first the little guy seemed satisfied with his role. He would occasionally emit a roar and the kids would disperse, screaming and flailing their arms like the IRS man was beckoning at the door. However, after a while I think he wanted to return to his identity as a harmless, little boy.

Briannah ran from the lad and asked if I could save her from the monster. 

“Use your imagination to save yourself,” I replied. 

I have never been fond of the whole damsel in distress routine. She gave me a few excuses about how her magic wand was broken, but when she realized I was not going to provide salvation she  came up with a plan. She approached the little boy.

“Here is a sandwich. If you eat it you won’t be a monster anymore.”

The little tot ate the imaginary meal and instantly changed back into a little boy. He and Briannah played on the toys and seemed to enjoy themselves. When they approached the other children (who were unaware of the monster’s transformation) they started to flee. However, Briannah emphatically told them he had eaten a magic sandwich and was no longer a monster. She had to reiterate her position a couple times, but finally the children were convinced and the little boy rejoined the group as a child and not an ogre.

As the children played I looked over and noticed the little boy’s mom was smiling. 

I think it is one thing to be able to ingratiate yourself with a group of strangers, but I think it is quite a brave and compassionate act to ensure another person is accepted as well. I recently read an excerpt from an interview with Daisaku Ikeda, president of the Soka Gakai International and Alastair Thompson, co-founder, editor and publisher of Scoop Independent News in New Zealand.  Here is a passage I admire from President Ikeda.

“I believe that our most urgent challenge is to foster a social ethos that can keep people from being swept up in a collective psychologies and violent agitation. I believe that a spirit of empathy based on our sense of the universal dignity of life should be the foundation for such an ethos.”

Obviously Briannah, who is only 4 years old, did not read this article, but she followed the principle when she encouraged cooperation and not condemnation of the little monster in diapers. Her concern and compassion validated Ikeda’s statement that “It is incorrect to say that war or any other violent behavior is genetically programmed into our human nature.” Briannah  used her imagination and stuck to her guns when the “herd” wanted to see a monster where a little boy stood. The children only resisted a little at first, then they allowed the child to unshackle himself from his scary role. But someone had to instigate change. I’m proud that person was my little granddaughter, but we all have the power to do something similar in our daily lives.

In the article with Pres. Ikeda the Buddhist leader and humanitarian went on to say that “…it is crucial to remind ourselves not to pursue our own happiness at the expense of the happiness of others, to prevent our own desire to be empowered and effective from threatening the lives and dignity of others.”

I believe most of us want to do the right thing and be kind, compassionate and consider the happiness of others, but sometimes we get distracted or fear rejection. This is what happened to me when I reasoned against engaging in a conversation with the monster/boy’s mother.

President Ikeda suggests three words to help remind us to foster our compassion - determination, faith and vow. The word “vow” is essential as it suggests a deeply-willed commitment, rooted in an appreciation of the dignity of life. He goes on to say “This determination is essential to resist the negative currents of society and build enduring bastions of peace and harmonious coexistence.”

My outing with my granddaughters is a small example of how small, daily acts of compassion  can contribute to making our world a happier place. By making one small decision (and sticking to it) Briannah freed a monster from his shackles, made a friend, paved the way for the tyke’s acceptance into the group, brought a smile to a mom’s face and made her grandmother very proud. Now if we can all follow Pres. Ikeda’s advice (and Briannah’s example) we can create  the perfect match for a happier and peaceful world.

If you are interested in learning how to become more optimistic, please check out my book, Erase Negativity at www.EraseNegativity.com. To read more about Pres. Ikeda and his writings visit www.sgi-usa.org.