Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Kid and the Ego

I have weird dreams. It would be easy if I just forgot about them, but I’m always trying to analyze their meaning. My spouse says these weird dreams are just dust in the corner of my mind. Maybe. But I think subconscious and spiritual messages try to leak through when my defenses are napping.

The other day I dreamed I was on a mystical journey. I walked past a house where there were seminars, workshops and other spiritual messages being taught. It was a small house, but it had a great reputation. The owner of the house walked me to a nearby body of water. It was supposed to be a lake, but it seemed more like an ocean. I walked onto the pier. Huge waves were building and water was splashing hard onto the pier and the surrounding wall.

The woman who owned the house encouraged me to keep going, that the storms were nothing to worry about. I was less than enthusiastic. In fact I turned around and headed back. I put my hands on the wall so I wouldn’t fall down. She cautioned me that the walls had spiders. I didn’t care (nor did I believe her). The huge waves seemed a lot more menacing. And with the exception of Black Widows or a Brown Recluse, I’m not afraid of spiders.

The dream morphed and I was in an orphanage. I saw several babies and felt such a desire to help them. The storm approached the building and smacked the windows. Water seeped through and the room filled with water. However, rather than being afraid, I went to the children, many who were submerged in water, and brought them to safety. I remember feeling calm and focused. I worked hard in my efforts and knew I would be successful.

When I awoke, I wondered what the dream symbolized. Why was I afraid when I was standing on the pier, but not when I was helping the orphans? It answered an internal struggle I have been having regarding my altruistic nature and my ego.

I have been visualizing success. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? But when I moved away from my main goal to help others and let my ego get too engrossed in the rewards of my service, my heart and best intentions were knocked off kilter. I was focusing way too much on agents, publishers, promoting our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, and not enough about the message I want to get out.

I feel we are all at our best when we strive to help others and help make the world a better place to live. It takes courage to battle the ego and help others. In my dream, I was afraid for my own life, but when the focus was on helping all those defenseless children, I was strong.

Some would say this whole episode was just a dream. I beg to differ. I think it was a subconscious call to action to fight my ego and focus on more altruistic pursuits. With apologies to Freud about the id, ego and superego, for me, saving kids, helping others and battling my ego makes a lot more sense.

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