Just Say No to Negativity

My spouse, CB, and I had just finished shopping. We exited the store and heard a quick yell, screech of brakes and a “thump.” We looked up and saw a woman lying in the crosswalk. CB ran back into the store, yelled for the salesperson to call 9-11, and raced over to the woman. The driver of the truck who hit the pedestrian got out as well. I shut the truck door and helped direct traffic away from the injured woman as we waited for an ambulance to arrive.

CB is a physician, but has always been reluctant to mention it to strangers. It was one of the things I found endearing when we first met. I’m half Jewish and being a doctor is a very big deal. Why someone would have such an important career and not announce it to the world was beyond my comprehension. I come from a family who boast their accomplishments, as well as the deeds of their children and close friends. I’m a little more reserved about my own feats, but I am a PR person by trade, so I get my kicks trumpeting the feats of others.

CB, on the other hand, has always been more egalitarian. In this incidence, my spouse’s modesty was being mistaken for medical ignorance. I had taken some CPR courses with CB, but I’m by no means a medical expert. However, I like to be prepared in case of an emergency. My spouse knelt next to the woman to access her situation. The driver who hit her said we should move her off the street.

CB calmly said, “Sir, I strongly recommend against that. She could have a neck or back injury.” The guy persisted. I informed him CB was a doctor and knew what to do. The guy responded that he had worked in hospitals for many years (as if this made him more qualified than someone who had 12 years of medical education and more than 20 years of experience as a physician.) The guy persisted. This time I loudly said, “no!” He backed off and I proceeded to divert traffic while CB continued to access the situation until the paramedics arrived.

I think the woman is going to be okay, but she might not have been if CB hadn’t been there to prevent the truck driver from schlepping her from the asphalt to another location. My role in all of this was minor, but important. I didn’t try to reason with the driver. With an authoritative voice that surprised even me, I just said, “No!”

In the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, my friend and co-author Jackie and I highlight stories of people who have overcome dramatic challenges in their lives. At the end of each chapter we also offer simple tips to erase negativity, as well as a few suggestions on how to embrace happiness.

Most of us want to blame outside influences as the source of our problems. My friend and fellow Buddhist, Ed Casper, posted the following anonymous quote on facebook from Buddhist Boot Camp.

“You’re not stuck in traffic; you ARE traffic. We blame society’ but we ARE society.”

Since all of us are members of society we need to own up to the contributions we make toward the good and evil in the world. I thought about this regarding internal negativity. We are bombarded with unpleasant news, grouchy people and sadness. However, we have the power to make positive choices. When the opportunity arises for a nasty thought, word or action, we can train ourselves to deflect it. In our book, we focus on three easy tips:

1. Recognize the problem.
2. Erase the negativity and replace it with something more empowering.
3. Smile, even if you don’t feel like it.

If you want to watch a short video about these three simple steps to happiness visit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=208XAm-x3R8

Generally I’m an agreeable person. I don’t like to contradict others and I’m more likely to find diplomatic solutions than stir up trouble. However, there are times, such as when CB and I were trying to help the stricken pedestrian, that I had to speak up. The same is true of our own internal demons.

We have two choices. We can take the easy route and give in to the darkness of negativity, whether it is our own, or absorbing the nastiness that surrounds us. The second option is to stop negativity in its tracks.

I hope you will not use this story as an excuse to find a negative friend, co-worker, crazy driver or relative and begin anti-negativity crusade against them. Start with yourself. You are, after all, the only one whose thoughts, speech and action you can control.

Combating negativity isn’t easy. It takes consistent energy and work. We may not have the opportunity to rescue someone from a burning building, or perform medical miracles, but we have the power to erase our own negativity and embrace a happier life. And that is no small thing.

While I hope all of you who read this will buy our book and recommend it to others,
it really boils down to one thing. The next time a nasty thought, word or action tries to sneak out of your life and poison your happiness “Just Say No!”

Crood Thoughts for Stimulating Happiness

It’s the middle of summer in Arizona and I’m hot and frustrated. A walk in nature would help, but unless I pour a bucket of water on my head and time my jaunt from midnight to 4 a.m. I’m likely to suffer heat exhaustion.

Last year I lived in the Pacific Northwest so I thought I’d revisit a blog from my experience there. Guess what? I was frustrated with the rain. After writing the first draft of this story I decided against revisiting the subject, but feel free to revisit my older posts. I have more than 300 of them.

But back to the present.

When it is so stifling hot, the last thing I want to do is go outside, but I really needed a change of scene. So I asked my daughter, Alicia, and granddaughters Rosannah and Briannah, if I could treat them to an afternoon at the movies. They happily agreed. We went to see The Croods. This cave family had to deal with harsh environments as well. It was funny, touching and a visual delight. There are a few scary moments too.

My most frightening observation was not part of the plot. It was the realization that the character I identified with the most was the old grandma (voiced superbly by Cloris Leachman.)

Her famous tagline was “still alive.” She would announce this statement to the chagrin of her son-in-law. I can only imagine this thought is NOT shared by Greg and Jamie (my daughter’s mates) but if it is, they would be too polite (or scared) to admit it. If experience has taught them anything it’s never piss off an old lady.

Anyway, we enjoyed the movie, spent a little time at the mall, and returned safely home. I went back to working on the computer and my daughter said the girls played happily together in their rooms. I think the family unity message had a positive effect on them.
Laughing during the movie, spending time with my family and changing my surroundings did a lot for my attitude as well. In an ideal world, I would have taken a walk, either by myself or with Rosannah and Briannah in tow. However, as in the movie, the outdoors can be a dangerous place (sun stroke anyone?) As also brought to light in the movie, sometimes you have to change the old thought patterns and come up with a new idea. While going to a movie is hardly an original thought, it became a welcome detour from my daily routine.

Whether we live in a harsh desert climate or a soggy forest, we can’t change the weather. However, we do have the ability to change our minds and attitudes. If we need a little help we can watch a funny movie or inspiring messages from self-help lecturers on you tube. In fact if you want to see some humorous insights from me, please visit

http://whttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=208XAm-x3R8

Also, because I like a sale as much as the next person, I’m offering one of my own. You can get my ebook, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, for half price. The ebook, normally $6.99, will be offered for $3.50 through July 6. Log on to smashwords.com and find Erase Negativity. When you go to purchase it enter the code LU574. The paperback version will be discounted from $14.99 to $10 plus shipping for those who contact me directly by responding to this blog or emailing me through this blog.

Happy reading.

A Good Word for a Good Friend

I learned that a friend I had worked with years ago had passed away. Patricia Susan Schultz was only 63 when she died. I didn’t learn about it until nearly a month after the funeral.



Pat and I worked at the City of Mesa’s Parks, Recreation and Cultural Division for many years. Pat was one of the first people I met. She was the coordinator of the senior and specialty programs and I did public relations for the Division. She was famous for her love of glitter and sparkle. Valentine’s Day was her favorite holiday, and ironically it was on that day that she died.

Pat had a truly sunny personality and was loved by nearly everyone. I still find it difficult that she is gone. I regret not staying in better contact with her over the years. I truly meant to give her a call, but my good intentions were replaced by the myriad of errands and work that cropped up.

After I left the city I divorced, moved and changed my last name, so it would have been a lot more difficult for her to find me than vice versa. Generally I have been proactive about keeping friendships alive, but in this case, due to all the difficulties I faced with divorce, unemployment and my new role as a single parent to a very unhappy teenage daughter, I chose to focus on dealing with my problems rather than the friendships that nurtured my soul.

Now the opportunity to sit, laugh and have lunch with this delightful former co-worker has slipped away.

In our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, my friend and co-author, Jackie, write about the importance of good friends, positive role models and developing right thought, right speech and right action. Pat was a stellar example of all these fine attributes.

As bad as I feel that Pat passed away before I had a chance to reconnect with her, I also know it will do me no good to beat myself up about it. The best I can do is forgive myself, say a prayer each day to honor my dear friend, and use it as an example of how important it is to stay in touch with people I care about. We never know how long any of us will be on this planet and it is so important to make the best of every moment.

Last night I had a dream. I was at a café and my friend, Rossan, led me to a table. Much to my surprise, Pat was seated there. At first I was relieved to see that I had been wrong about Pat’s death and that she was very much alive. I gave her a hug and we began talking. Another person walked past the table and said hi. He also was relieved to see that the article he had read about Pat’s death was wrong too. Then I realized that Pat was dead, and she just wanted to give me a chance to say goodbye to her. Much of this happened telepathically.

Although Pat was at a café, she did not have any food in front of her. I see that as a sign that there was “nothing else on her plate” in the earthly world. She was ready to move on to a more celestial experience. She took that moment to meet with me, let me know she was okay and gave me the opportunity to say goodbye. Real or not, when I awoke, I felt that I had truly experienced the opportunity to bid adieu and let her know how much I cared for her, even if I had been remiss in keeping in touch.

In a moment, I knew Pat would ascend to her heavenly duties, probably organizing dances, socials, classes and heavenly parties. I knew she secured a good spot in heaven, but I think I had a few doubts about my own future.

My last words were, “Please put in a good word for me, will you?” Then I awoke.
When I opened my eyes I was smiling. I felt at peace because I knew Pat sensed my heart rather than my actions and would put a good word in for me with the powers that be.

Yard Work is Weedy, Weedy Fun

In a cynical moment while posting on facebook (and yes, even the author of a self help book can have a bloody snark attack on occasion) I wrote that I couldn’t decide what was more exciting – writing or pulling weeds. My niece, Lisa, quickly responded that I should write. I began a new blog article, “The Cross-eyed Optimist.” Ironically, I can’t find it. Hopefully it will turn up in my files in the future.

However, my friend and former Westwood High School classmate, Dick Luebke, was interested in the possible excitement surrounding pulling weeds. With the exception of my screenplays, I rarely write fiction. So now, because I like Dick and he has called me on my facebook challenge, I feel compelled to come up with something good to say about pulling weeds.
However, as odd as it may sound, I have a few insights on the subject.

When I was a kid, one of the few tasks my mother was willing to pay us for was to pull weeds. Rosebushes lined the entire front row of our front lawn and weeds would grow in between the thorny plants. We lived in a small, older home, but we had a big yard. Lots of roses, lots of weeds. However, the reward for accomplishing this weed-pulling project was $1. At the time my allowance was 25 cents a week, so a buck would be a virtual windfall.

I tugged at a few of the weeds and thought I was making good headway. But when my mom came out to inspect, she told me I couldn’t just pluck the weeds, I had to pull the stringy devils out by the roots. Between the cement like dirt, thorny rose bushes, the magnitude of the project on a hyper active kid, and now the more difficult stipulation of pulling the offending plants out by the roots, I felt overwhelmed. I gave up part way through the job. All I had to show for my efforts were sore hands, scratched arms and not one red cent.

Later, when my spouse and I owned homes of our own, I went back to the task of ridding the yard of milk weed and wild mustard.. There were times when it was relaxing to sit next to the earth, pull a weed (sometimes by the roots, sometimes not) and enjoy a nice sunny day. My favorite yard was the one surrounding our home on Brown Road in Mesa, AZ. The lot was a little under ½ acre. The home was built in 1945 and it reminded me of my childhood home only a mile away. The property had been part of a farm years ago. Sometimes as I would pull weeds (or mow the lawn) I would imagine what it was like to plow the fields and live off the land. Not that I ever wanted to do this, but it was fun to imagine.

More realistically, yard work was a respite from my duties as a young mother, college student, wife and waitress. There were few expectations in my landscaping adventure. I didn’t need to study or pass a test, take orders from customers and hope they left a tip, or tend to the needs of crying babies or change stinky diapers (although an occasional fecal present from a visiting dog might appear and require disposal.)

It was just me, a pair of gardening gloves and the earth.

However, after we sold our home on Brown Road, we transitioned away from big lawns and opted for desert landscaping and minimal yard work. An errant weed would pop up on occasion, but for the most part the weeds and I distanced ourselves from one another.

Decades later I moved to the Pacific Northwest. Even more amazing than the amount of rain that falls is the number of weeds that grow. In Arizona I was careful in my weed-pulling duties as I did not want to pluck out a wildflower by mistake. After we moved north, and on a rare hour when it wasn’t raining, I would inspect the multitude of greenery in the front, back and side yards. Were these green leafy creatures friend or foe? By the time I figured it out, the weeds were giants. Heck, Jack could forget about the beanstalk and come to our place and use the weeds as a stairway to heaven.




The good news is the ground up here is soft and the weeds pull out easily (even the roots.) As I garden my thoughts simplify and my mind becomes more focused. I enjoy the smell of the earth, the brilliance of the different hues of green of the various plant life, the sound of the birds chirping and I allow myself a simple smile at the occasional spotting of a lady bug or worm.

When I finish with the task at hand, I can survey my handiwork and take pride in the absence of the obnoxious weed devils that are choking the life out of our other plants, flowers and trees.

I also discovered there is a strong correlation between pulling weeds and controlling negativity (the theme of our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.) Imagine your grouchy thoughts, speech and actions are like weeds. At first the thorny plants seems harmless so you do not take any action against them. Unfortunately, if left unchecked the weeds spread, choke off the life force of other more useful plants, and soon become the dominating force in your garden (or mind.)
Like weeding a garden, identifying negativity, pulling it out from its proverbial roots and replacing the offenders with more empowering thoughts, speech and actions is a powerful step in creating a happier life. It IS hard work, but so worth the effort.

I just came in from pulling weeds from the side yard. I may have disappointed my friend, Dick. It isn’t a thrilling experience to pull weeds. I felt a sense of pride and satisfaction at the work I accomplished today. And, of course, I wrote this little story. That wasn’t exactly a trip to the exhilaration store either.

However, after I post this, I’m in hopes that folks will read it. And maybe, just maybe, someone will find the article useful and it will give them a little nudge toward cultivating a more empowering mindset and life. If that happens, THAT is as exciting as it gets.