Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Many of us will have the opportunity to dine with family and friends for a special once-a-year meal. Many look forward to this event with anticipation – some with dread. And I confess, in my life I have approached this holiday with both mindsets.
I have seen the confidence of the strongest, most confident men and women become mushier than a bowl of mashed potatoes at the thought of facing the snide comments, comparisons and cruelty that some of our relatives bring to the holiday table.
How ironic that a feast that is supposed to be a celebration of gratitude and harmony can churn out more negativity and drama that a soap opera marathon.
But there is hope. We cannot change other people, but we can work on our own reaction to them. Last year I posted a short video on you tube on three simple steps on how to erase negativity. It’s not a cure all, but it can help us reduce our own negativity, which in turn can have a ripple effect on others.
Please check out this video and share it with your friends and family. Heck, share it with your enemies too. They probably need it worst of all. You can view it at
http://youtu.be/208XAm-x3R8
As an added bonus, I will offer a free ebook with the purchase of every paperback copy of the book. The catch is you need to contact me directly through this blog or my website www.EraseNegativity.com. The book is $14.99 or two for $25. You can also purchase the book at various independent stores as well as Amazon.
For those of you who are not familiar with the message in the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.
We pay a heavy price for our negativity and I want to combat that with a free tool that provides a more optimistic alternative. I’m really hoping folks will spread the word and use this window of time to read the book and suggest it to others who are interested in embracing a more hopeful message.
So there you have it. No more excuses. Discounted book, free video. Kick that grouch out now. But lest I come off too brash or too self serving, I do have one last bit of advice for this holiday season. Try to take a moment and find the love in your heart and send those laser beams of love out to those family members around you – especially those who annoy you. While we might not think so now, there will come a time when they are out of our lives and we will miss them. And more importantly, we do not want to miss the opportunity to summon up a little love and shine a little light in the world.
Showing posts with label eliminate negativity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eliminate negativity. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, January 9, 2012
Lessons from a Dead Packrat
Life’s lessons can come from unexpected sources. Today’s tale is one I learned from a dead packrat.
My spouse, CB, discovered we had a woodrat (or Neotoma in the rodent genus) in our side yard years ago. The confusion started with a few missing items, a container of seasoning salt that had been left by the grill, a pot holder etc. Then one day CB was poking around the wood pile and found a few cholla cactus fragments, pieces of aluminum foil, cat poop and other assorted trash.
The rat was back.
We thought about trapping the critter and relocating it to the county desert behind our development, but we just couldn’t do it. CB cleaned the yard up a bit, we used up the pile of firewood and eventually the wood dweller moved to another location.
Or so we thought.
When the weather cooled we brought another pile of wood into the yard and the packrat returned. Of course it probably wasn’t the same pack rat. I think word got around in the Neotoma community that our yard was a good place to hang out. Anyway, one day CB was fetching wood and was sad to see that the critter had died.
I’m not sure why, but CB felt bad for the rat and moved its body to a nearby rock. A day or two later he went back to the wood pile for firewood and discovered the body of another packrat. It seemed a bit too coincidental that two rats should bite the dust, so he looked and discovered the rat body by the rock was no longer there.
CB took a shovel and moved the corpse to another part of the yard. A couple days later CB returned to the wood pile again. The dead rat was back. I watch Ghost Whisperers but I figured a more practical explanation was in order. A live woodrat had taken up residence in the wood pile and wanted the dead rat where he or she left it.
Not one to give up easily, CB set to work again as a rat relocater. Rather than bury it, or throw it in the garbage, he took the carcass to a part of the yard that has bones of other animals CB has found while hiking. Now, this is not my idea of backyard beauty, but rather than complain and take on the risk of doing more yard work myself, I let rotting rats lie.
This time, CB called me over to view the critter. I suppose I should have been kinder and said a silent prayer. Instead I thought, “Yep. Dead rat sitting by some other bones I don’t want to look at. Can I leave now?”
Well, of course the next day Dead Rat was gone from the pile of bones (although the other items were undisturbed.) The live pack rat brought the carcass back to its nest - again. This had CB wondering if there was some significance to the return of the pack rat to its former home. Was the live pack rat honoring its kin, or did it simply see it as a complement to its surroundings?
I have no answer for this one. I don’t know the mind of the packrat, or my spousal packrat either.
However, I do believe that weird phenomena often has a message.
While most of us would not play tug of war with the body of a packrat, I believe we can relate to the idea of hanging onto unnecessary baggage. For example, how often have you replayed a negative message in your head about some past hurt? Have you found yourself holding a grudge against someone, even after they have passed away?
In our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within we quote a line from Carrie ten Boom, "Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die.
Some things are worth hanging onto - a sense of gratitude, love, kindness, generosity and the determination to make the world a better place. However, if what you are carting around in your heart and mind is not serving your happiness, perhaps it’s time to let it go.
My spouse, CB, discovered we had a woodrat (or Neotoma in the rodent genus) in our side yard years ago. The confusion started with a few missing items, a container of seasoning salt that had been left by the grill, a pot holder etc. Then one day CB was poking around the wood pile and found a few cholla cactus fragments, pieces of aluminum foil, cat poop and other assorted trash.
The rat was back.
We thought about trapping the critter and relocating it to the county desert behind our development, but we just couldn’t do it. CB cleaned the yard up a bit, we used up the pile of firewood and eventually the wood dweller moved to another location.
Or so we thought.
When the weather cooled we brought another pile of wood into the yard and the packrat returned. Of course it probably wasn’t the same pack rat. I think word got around in the Neotoma community that our yard was a good place to hang out. Anyway, one day CB was fetching wood and was sad to see that the critter had died.
I’m not sure why, but CB felt bad for the rat and moved its body to a nearby rock. A day or two later he went back to the wood pile for firewood and discovered the body of another packrat. It seemed a bit too coincidental that two rats should bite the dust, so he looked and discovered the rat body by the rock was no longer there.
CB took a shovel and moved the corpse to another part of the yard. A couple days later CB returned to the wood pile again. The dead rat was back. I watch Ghost Whisperers but I figured a more practical explanation was in order. A live woodrat had taken up residence in the wood pile and wanted the dead rat where he or she left it.
Not one to give up easily, CB set to work again as a rat relocater. Rather than bury it, or throw it in the garbage, he took the carcass to a part of the yard that has bones of other animals CB has found while hiking. Now, this is not my idea of backyard beauty, but rather than complain and take on the risk of doing more yard work myself, I let rotting rats lie.
This time, CB called me over to view the critter. I suppose I should have been kinder and said a silent prayer. Instead I thought, “Yep. Dead rat sitting by some other bones I don’t want to look at. Can I leave now?”
Well, of course the next day Dead Rat was gone from the pile of bones (although the other items were undisturbed.) The live pack rat brought the carcass back to its nest - again. This had CB wondering if there was some significance to the return of the pack rat to its former home. Was the live pack rat honoring its kin, or did it simply see it as a complement to its surroundings?
I have no answer for this one. I don’t know the mind of the packrat, or my spousal packrat either.
However, I do believe that weird phenomena often has a message.
While most of us would not play tug of war with the body of a packrat, I believe we can relate to the idea of hanging onto unnecessary baggage. For example, how often have you replayed a negative message in your head about some past hurt? Have you found yourself holding a grudge against someone, even after they have passed away?
In our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within we quote a line from Carrie ten Boom, "Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die.
Some things are worth hanging onto - a sense of gratitude, love, kindness, generosity and the determination to make the world a better place. However, if what you are carting around in your heart and mind is not serving your happiness, perhaps it’s time to let it go.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Sticks and Stones
I had a disturbing experience this past weekend regarding an event that did not proceed as expected. Dozens of folks were looking forward to seeing a spiritual movie, but the person who was delivering the DVD was stuck at the airport. I made a few phone calls to alert everyone about the delay.
Since there was no way we could predict an accurate time the movie would be shown that evening, it left things literally (and figuratively) in the air. It was an unfortunate incident, but certainly not the end of the world. However, one gentleman, who was very disappointed that he may not be able to see the movie, turned the whole situation into a personal attack against him.
I did not take this tirade personally. I knew this gentleman had been suffering from a tragic death in his family, but it was still an uncomfortable feeling to have someone venting so much anger at something that was out of my control.
Fortunately, I have always been slow to anger. I tell people I’m a typical Taurus and I have a long fuse before my anger explodes. However, in my younger days my temper was akin to Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano. And like the lava-spewing eruption, the devastation was significant.
Words and actions that erupt from anger are damaging to the perpetrator and the recipient. I once gave a presentation on anger. I recalled a little ditty that many moms would recite to their children when someone hurt their feelings.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”
I asked the group to raise their hands if they had ever endured physical suffering in childhood – anything from a skinned knee to a broken bone. Everyone raised their hands. Then I asked how many still suffered from that physical pain. Only one hand was raised. Then I asked, “How many of you were hurt from something someone said to you when you were a kid?" Once again, every hand was in the air. I asked how many of them still smarted from this historical event. One by one, everyone in the room raised their hands.
The point is, calling people names, insulting someone, or nasty verbal exchanges do hurt. In fact they hurt a lot. It reminds me of the story of David, an alcoholic whose story is outlined in my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.
David took solace in drinking as much red wine as he could find. As he continued to drink, his anger erupted into full-blown fury. He became a human demolition machine. The alcohol fueled his rage like gas on a fire. With a sweep of his arm, family mementos came crashing to the floor. He hurled pictures and chairs across the room. Within minutes, the once tidy living room became strewn with broken wood and shards of glass.
He grasped his wife’s neck and began to choke her. But in a moment of clarity, he stopped. Instead he grabbed a large wooden clock on the wall and threw it on the floor. Next he took the sofa table and smashed it into pieces. David’s anger turned into self loathing. He grabbed the leg of a broken table and started beating himself across the wrists.
“Call the police,” David murmured in a defeated tone.
David was placed in the hospital (he was fortunate that his wife chose that option over his incarceration), he joined AA and eventually changed his life. But the damage was done. His wife divorced him, he only sees his daughter a couple of weeks a year, and he is still plagued by the memory of what he did that night.
In an effort to help individuals with anger issues, Erase Negativity offers several exercises. For brevity, I’ve chosen a couple to outline here.
ERASE NEGATIVITY
• When you start to lose control or feel angry, move away from the situation or person that is causing the infuriating reaction. If at all possible, take a walk. Do not drive when you are mad.
• Choose your words carefully. Replace irate language and thoughts with more rational ones. Instead of thinking, “this is awful,” “everything is ruined,” try saying, “this is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.”
EMBRACE THE MAGIC WITHIN
• Close your eyes. Breathe deeply through your nose. Put your hand beneath your breast and feel your diaphragm filling with air. You do not want to inhale through your chest. Hold your breath for a count of 10. Release the air through your mouth. Do this at least five times.
• As you inhale, repeat a soothing word or phrase such as “I am calm” or “relax.”
• Close your eyes and smile for at least 30 seconds to one minute. While you are smiling, repeat in your mind that you are calm and happy. It is impossible to stay angry when you are smiling. This may feel silly at first, but give it a try anyway.
I don’t advocate a life without anger. Anger when channeled to stand up to injustice and create social change, can be a noble goal. But most of the time we are angry because our pride has been wounded.
In short, if you have an explosive temper, make an attempt to get it under control. You will suffer less, and so will those around you. Sticks and stones may temporarily break bones, but words launched in anger can hurt a lifetime.
Since there was no way we could predict an accurate time the movie would be shown that evening, it left things literally (and figuratively) in the air. It was an unfortunate incident, but certainly not the end of the world. However, one gentleman, who was very disappointed that he may not be able to see the movie, turned the whole situation into a personal attack against him.
I did not take this tirade personally. I knew this gentleman had been suffering from a tragic death in his family, but it was still an uncomfortable feeling to have someone venting so much anger at something that was out of my control.
Fortunately, I have always been slow to anger. I tell people I’m a typical Taurus and I have a long fuse before my anger explodes. However, in my younger days my temper was akin to Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano. And like the lava-spewing eruption, the devastation was significant.
Words and actions that erupt from anger are damaging to the perpetrator and the recipient. I once gave a presentation on anger. I recalled a little ditty that many moms would recite to their children when someone hurt their feelings.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”
I asked the group to raise their hands if they had ever endured physical suffering in childhood – anything from a skinned knee to a broken bone. Everyone raised their hands. Then I asked how many still suffered from that physical pain. Only one hand was raised. Then I asked, “How many of you were hurt from something someone said to you when you were a kid?" Once again, every hand was in the air. I asked how many of them still smarted from this historical event. One by one, everyone in the room raised their hands.
The point is, calling people names, insulting someone, or nasty verbal exchanges do hurt. In fact they hurt a lot. It reminds me of the story of David, an alcoholic whose story is outlined in my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.
David took solace in drinking as much red wine as he could find. As he continued to drink, his anger erupted into full-blown fury. He became a human demolition machine. The alcohol fueled his rage like gas on a fire. With a sweep of his arm, family mementos came crashing to the floor. He hurled pictures and chairs across the room. Within minutes, the once tidy living room became strewn with broken wood and shards of glass.
He grasped his wife’s neck and began to choke her. But in a moment of clarity, he stopped. Instead he grabbed a large wooden clock on the wall and threw it on the floor. Next he took the sofa table and smashed it into pieces. David’s anger turned into self loathing. He grabbed the leg of a broken table and started beating himself across the wrists.
“Call the police,” David murmured in a defeated tone.
David was placed in the hospital (he was fortunate that his wife chose that option over his incarceration), he joined AA and eventually changed his life. But the damage was done. His wife divorced him, he only sees his daughter a couple of weeks a year, and he is still plagued by the memory of what he did that night.
In an effort to help individuals with anger issues, Erase Negativity offers several exercises. For brevity, I’ve chosen a couple to outline here.
ERASE NEGATIVITY
• When you start to lose control or feel angry, move away from the situation or person that is causing the infuriating reaction. If at all possible, take a walk. Do not drive when you are mad.
• Choose your words carefully. Replace irate language and thoughts with more rational ones. Instead of thinking, “this is awful,” “everything is ruined,” try saying, “this is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.”
EMBRACE THE MAGIC WITHIN
• Close your eyes. Breathe deeply through your nose. Put your hand beneath your breast and feel your diaphragm filling with air. You do not want to inhale through your chest. Hold your breath for a count of 10. Release the air through your mouth. Do this at least five times.
• As you inhale, repeat a soothing word or phrase such as “I am calm” or “relax.”
• Close your eyes and smile for at least 30 seconds to one minute. While you are smiling, repeat in your mind that you are calm and happy. It is impossible to stay angry when you are smiling. This may feel silly at first, but give it a try anyway.
I don’t advocate a life without anger. Anger when channeled to stand up to injustice and create social change, can be a noble goal. But most of the time we are angry because our pride has been wounded.
In short, if you have an explosive temper, make an attempt to get it under control. You will suffer less, and so will those around you. Sticks and stones may temporarily break bones, but words launched in anger can hurt a lifetime.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Weeding Out Negative Thoughts
I went out my front door to go for a walk and I took a gander at my front yard. It is springtime and many of the bushes and plants are flowering. We have opted against using herbicide so our yard is home to a variety of beautiful wildflowers. However, the word got out to the weeds about this safe haven, and they dot the landscape as well.
I postponed my morning jaunt and took a few minutes to pull weeds. This has been a learning experience for me as there are a variety of weeds in the yard. At first it was difficult for me to distinguish between a wildflower and a weed. Sadly, I must confess that a few desert daisies, lupine and penstamine suffered an early demise due to my horticultural ignorance.
While I was weed plucking it occurred to me that my thoughts are a lot like the vegetation in my yard. There are plants that provide beauty, shade and inspiration. And then there are the weeds. If left unnoticed, the weeds can choke the life out of some of the other helpful plants. However, we have a home owner’s association, so I know it would never come to that. The more likely scenario is we would get a notice about the weeds, followed by a fine.
Interestingly enough, a lot of weeds are easy to distinguish. Just like ugly thoughts, speech and actions, they have bristly stems and leaves that hurt those that come too close. Their nastiness serves as a form of protection. I have heard individuals defend their negativity in a similar way. A thorny disposition can become a barrier to keep people at bay.
Also, weeds, like nasty thoughts, speech and actions, will multiply if left unchecked. That is why it’s best to learn to distinguish the naughty little buggers early on and get rid of them before they turn into towering trees.
However, a negative mindset, like some weeds, can be difficult to identify. Gardening and cultivating healthy thoughts, speech and actions takes work. However, over time, if you work at it, you will see a positive result.
Here is an excerpt from our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.
Your wishes, good, bad or indifferent, become your brain’s programming. So why not try for something that will bring you joy? That does not mean that everything wonderful you wish for will instantly become reality. But if you surround yourself with positive thoughts and begin a course of action to achieve the things you want in life, you will move your life in a happier direction.
The first step in erasing negativity is by transforming thoughts, words and actions from negative to positive. Each thought, however fleeting, each word and the intent behind it, as well as our daily actions have certain repercussions. Whether or not you believe in the laws of karma is really unimportant. The result is the same. Negative thoughts penetrate the mind and slowly start to color one’s perspective of the world.
Disparaging thoughts can spread like a cancer and slip into your speech, and eventually manifest in unproductive and harmful actions. Many individuals, especially those who have suffered a loss, are largely unaware of how negative they have become. It is a habit. And habits, if not changed, become a way of life.
Confucius said:
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Each of us is in charge of our own destiny. We can work to cultivate a positive outlook, or we can adopt a victim mindset and let weeds of negativity take root in our lives.
Cultivating optimism is not easy. However, our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within provides a simple guideline on how to begin a more optimistic life journey. We are currently organizing book club groups to help spread the word about how to erase negativity and embrace happiness. Please email us through our blog www.erasenegativity.blogspot.com and we will help you organize a book club in your area.
Remember, erasing negativity is no walk through the park. It’s like weeding a garden. It takes work, but it becomes easier over time. The choice is yours. Either way, please remember: You reap what you sow.
I postponed my morning jaunt and took a few minutes to pull weeds. This has been a learning experience for me as there are a variety of weeds in the yard. At first it was difficult for me to distinguish between a wildflower and a weed. Sadly, I must confess that a few desert daisies, lupine and penstamine suffered an early demise due to my horticultural ignorance.
While I was weed plucking it occurred to me that my thoughts are a lot like the vegetation in my yard. There are plants that provide beauty, shade and inspiration. And then there are the weeds. If left unnoticed, the weeds can choke the life out of some of the other helpful plants. However, we have a home owner’s association, so I know it would never come to that. The more likely scenario is we would get a notice about the weeds, followed by a fine.
Interestingly enough, a lot of weeds are easy to distinguish. Just like ugly thoughts, speech and actions, they have bristly stems and leaves that hurt those that come too close. Their nastiness serves as a form of protection. I have heard individuals defend their negativity in a similar way. A thorny disposition can become a barrier to keep people at bay.
Also, weeds, like nasty thoughts, speech and actions, will multiply if left unchecked. That is why it’s best to learn to distinguish the naughty little buggers early on and get rid of them before they turn into towering trees.
However, a negative mindset, like some weeds, can be difficult to identify. Gardening and cultivating healthy thoughts, speech and actions takes work. However, over time, if you work at it, you will see a positive result.
Here is an excerpt from our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.
Your wishes, good, bad or indifferent, become your brain’s programming. So why not try for something that will bring you joy? That does not mean that everything wonderful you wish for will instantly become reality. But if you surround yourself with positive thoughts and begin a course of action to achieve the things you want in life, you will move your life in a happier direction.
The first step in erasing negativity is by transforming thoughts, words and actions from negative to positive. Each thought, however fleeting, each word and the intent behind it, as well as our daily actions have certain repercussions. Whether or not you believe in the laws of karma is really unimportant. The result is the same. Negative thoughts penetrate the mind and slowly start to color one’s perspective of the world.
Disparaging thoughts can spread like a cancer and slip into your speech, and eventually manifest in unproductive and harmful actions. Many individuals, especially those who have suffered a loss, are largely unaware of how negative they have become. It is a habit. And habits, if not changed, become a way of life.
Confucius said:
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Each of us is in charge of our own destiny. We can work to cultivate a positive outlook, or we can adopt a victim mindset and let weeds of negativity take root in our lives.
Cultivating optimism is not easy. However, our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within provides a simple guideline on how to begin a more optimistic life journey. We are currently organizing book club groups to help spread the word about how to erase negativity and embrace happiness. Please email us through our blog www.erasenegativity.blogspot.com and we will help you organize a book club in your area.
Remember, erasing negativity is no walk through the park. It’s like weeding a garden. It takes work, but it becomes easier over time. The choice is yours. Either way, please remember: You reap what you sow.
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