Happy Trails to You

Someone asked the Dali Lama how he reduced stress in his life. One would think the answer would be esoteric, or so impossibly spiritual that regular folks wouldn’t be able to do it. His answer (and I’m paraphrasing) is he leaves early for appointments.

While it is true he doesn’t have to worry about a lot of things – like what to wear – the man has a busy schedule. How could leaving early for appointments reduce stress? So, I decided to follow this simple advice. My normal routine for a morning appointment on the other side of town would be to determine the time it would take me to get there, and maybe an extra minute or two to park the car. After I come up with that number, I calculate how long it takes me to eat breakfast, read the paper, do morning prayers, take a shower, get dressed, fix my hair and put on my makeup.

Assuming there are no mishaps (spilled coffee, an unexpected phone call etc) I go through my routine and I have time to spare. So my normal thought is, “I have time, let me check my email.” Or, “Maybe I should clean the rabbit’s cage before I go.” There’s always something I can do, or some way I can multi-task my way through my morning. Before I know it, I’m either running late, or I’m on time, but have left no leeway for an unforeseen problem.

In my old routine, as I begin my drive I’m already worried that I should have left a little earlier. I love to sleep, so I base my “getting ready” calculations according to the average (or minimum) time I need to get where I’m going. Most of the time, I arrive to my destination right on time. Of course I always forget it takes time to get from the parking lot to the office, so I wind up dashing to the door. I consider it my version of cardio exercise. A really organized person would have built in time to exercise, but hey, I’m a work in process.

But back to my typical drive to an appointment. About six minutes into my commute I am ready to merge onto the freeway. “Hmm,” I think to myself, “I am probably a couple minutes behind schedule. No problem, I can make it up.” I decide to drive a little faster. Not speeding exactly, at least not much. But I am navigating the highway more aggressively than I would have if I had built a little cushion of time into the process, or stuck to my plan to leave 15 minutes earlier.

Before I know it, the traffic is backed up, the radio is blaring annoying music, and all the commercials are driving me mad. To make matters worse, I’m stuck behind some wahoo from Nebraska who is leisurely driving his Cadillac like he’s plowing a row of corn. I’m murmuring obscenities and angry at all the cars on the road blocking me from my destination. It feels like the world is out to get me and make me late for my appointment. But who is really to blame? Now I’m exaggerating this scenario a bit, but does any of it seem familiar?

Now let’s consider the Dali Lama’s alternative. We build in an extra 30 minutes – okay 15 minutes – and we stick to the plan. We leave with plenty of time to spare. And because we Americans hate to waste time by arriving too early, we bring a book or magazine to read once we have arrived at our destination. Can you imagine what a more enlightened journey would be like? Since I have done this, I can tell you that the drive is more pleasant (with or without chanting), the other drivers don’t seem like goof balls anymore, and because of the extra time factor and the fact that my brain isn’t in panic mode, I usually remember to bring a couple nice cd’s to listen to on the way. It’s a simple change in routine, but what a difference!

When Jackie and I wrote our upcoming book, “Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within” we wanted to concentrate on simple things people can do to make their lives a little easier. We’re not saints, sages or enlightened. We’re two women who have learned (and are continuing to learn) from our bad habits and want to help others. Some of the best changes we can make are simple. But don’t take my word for. Ask the Dali Lama.

Namaste,
Sally

The Kid and the Ego

I have weird dreams. It would be easy if I just forgot about them, but I’m always trying to analyze their meaning. My spouse says these weird dreams are just dust in the corner of my mind. Maybe. But I think subconscious and spiritual messages try to leak through when my defenses are napping.

The other day I dreamed I was on a mystical journey. I walked past a house where there were seminars, workshops and other spiritual messages being taught. It was a small house, but it had a great reputation. The owner of the house walked me to a nearby body of water. It was supposed to be a lake, but it seemed more like an ocean. I walked onto the pier. Huge waves were building and water was splashing hard onto the pier and the surrounding wall.

The woman who owned the house encouraged me to keep going, that the storms were nothing to worry about. I was less than enthusiastic. In fact I turned around and headed back. I put my hands on the wall so I wouldn’t fall down. She cautioned me that the walls had spiders. I didn’t care (nor did I believe her). The huge waves seemed a lot more menacing. And with the exception of Black Widows or a Brown Recluse, I’m not afraid of spiders.

The dream morphed and I was in an orphanage. I saw several babies and felt such a desire to help them. The storm approached the building and smacked the windows. Water seeped through and the room filled with water. However, rather than being afraid, I went to the children, many who were submerged in water, and brought them to safety. I remember feeling calm and focused. I worked hard in my efforts and knew I would be successful.

When I awoke, I wondered what the dream symbolized. Why was I afraid when I was standing on the pier, but not when I was helping the orphans? It answered an internal struggle I have been having regarding my altruistic nature and my ego.

I have been visualizing success. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? But when I moved away from my main goal to help others and let my ego get too engrossed in the rewards of my service, my heart and best intentions were knocked off kilter. I was focusing way too much on agents, publishers, promoting our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, and not enough about the message I want to get out.

I feel we are all at our best when we strive to help others and help make the world a better place to live. It takes courage to battle the ego and help others. In my dream, I was afraid for my own life, but when the focus was on helping all those defenseless children, I was strong.

Some would say this whole episode was just a dream. I beg to differ. I think it was a subconscious call to action to fight my ego and focus on more altruistic pursuits. With apologies to Freud about the id, ego and superego, for me, saving kids, helping others and battling my ego makes a lot more sense.

What's Your Story?

Do you have a story that defines you? Internal scripts carry strong messages. I like happy endings, but a lot of our personal stories are tragic or melodramatic. In times of difficulty it is important to pull out the good ones and not reach for something that is going to sink you deeper into an emotional abyss.

I’m as guilty as anyone of a sob story. It has only been a few years that this story was shelved. I’m retelling this junior high saga to illustrate the power it had on me, even though decades have passed since the incident.

The villain in my story was a gal named Cynthia. Cynthia was an average-looking, freckle-faced brunette. There was really nothing special about her, except she had a wicked mean streak. In junior high I had my niche as the leader of the outcasts, she was the low person on the totem pole of the popular kids. She carried a grudge against me since the fifth grade. She carried her resentment like a badge of honor and would snipe at me every chance she got.

However, I wasn’t one to dwell on Cynthia and her cohorts. I had my friends and activities and was happy to excel in my own way. My confidence grew and I felt great. I remember standing with a group of my friends laughing and telling jokes. Cynthia called me over. She asked, “Sally, do you think you’re cool?” At that time of my life, being conceited was probably the worst thing a person could be, so I answered, “no.” Then she said “Then why do you try to act like it?”

It was like someone punched me in the gut. Instead of standing proud and confident, my shoulders drooped. My humor became self deprecatory. I made jokes about my failures. I became ashamed of my accomplishments and downplayed my successes. I don’t know why, but I gave Cynthia’s comment a lot of power. This happened when I was 13. Even when I turned 50, I realized how I still carried a piece of this incident with me.

For years I would replay this interaction with Cynthia over and over in my head. What if when she asked me if I thought I was cool I would have had a different response?

Me: “Yes, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
Me: “Yes, I’m sorry it bothers you, but I’m perfectly happy with who I am.”
Or what if my garrulous nature would have surfaced and replied, “Yes, got a problem with that?”
I supposed I could have used my sarcasm and said “Yes, and I don’t think it would bode well for me to be talking to someone like you.”

But of course I didn’t. I just said “no”. It took a long time for me to feel good about myself. And I know this is the same for a lot of many of you who are reading this today. Someone, something said or did something bad to you and you believed it. You carried it around and it has poisoned your very being. Maybe 100 people said something good, but that one nasty thing, that’s the thing that has stuck like glue and sapped away at the belief that you are a wonderful human being.

It took me way too long to understand this for myself. But after many years of prayer, self reflection and a lot of self help books, I’ve learned one important thing. People have lots of opinions, and they will have them about you. But all it is their opinion. Just because they say it, and even believe it, does not make it so.

Before you embrace a life story, make sure it is one that bears repeating. You don’t reread a lousy book. Don’t replay a negative life scenario. Toss it aside and choose something else that inspires you.

A Rosie Outlook

I was crabby yesterday. Basically I’m an optimistic person, but yesterday I was a grouch. I had a slight setback regarding our upcoming book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, and I was annoyed. I probably should have taken a walk, but I didn’t. I ate a donut instead.

I didn’t specifically go out in search of a donut. A client asked me to meet him at the Dunkin Donuts shop near my office and I complied. Normally I wouldn’t have opted for the sugary pastry, but I was in a bad mood and I went against my better instincts. Fortunately for me the donut and hot chocolate were very unsatisfying. Indulgent pleasures generally are. I get that little sugar high and then a big let down, both physically and emotionally. After all, it’s January and losing weight and exercising are always top contenders of my New Year’s resolutions. Donut eating is not on the list.

However, I did take some positive actions. I mailed a proposal, stopped at the library and checked out the book, Blink, the power of thinking without thinking, and wrote several query letters to literary agents. I make it a point that when I suffer a setback I take immediate steps to counteract it. Unfortunately, I ate the donut before I took my positive actions.

That evening I went to a Buddhist meeting. I saw an unfamiliar face and introduced myself. Once we started talking I realized I had met her before, but since she had not been to meetings in a while I didn’t recognize her. She told everyone she had become busy at work and her once-strong efforts to strive for personal growth and work for world peace (basic Buddhist tenets) had fallen by the wayside. Unfortunately, her dedicated efforts at work (60-hour work weeks and plenty of stress) took a toll on her health. She became sick and subsequently lost her job due to her illness.

However, rather than fall into a funk over her job loss and declining health, she saw the events as an opportunity to revive her Buddhist practice. It was inspiring to listen to her as she made a determination to start anew. She spoke eloquently and her eyes shone with conviction.

My mood was instantly lifted. She voiced what a lot of folks face in their life – going through the motions of living and not really engaging one’s heart. I thought about the difference of merely writing my goals and making a real determination to create a significant change in my life. I realized that simply writing goals was an intellectual exercise at best and a mere habit at worst.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating a brain bypass. But knowledge by itself is not the answer. Heart-felt conviction is crucial for embracing change and obtaining our goals. It’s no wonder I keep writing the same resolutions year after year. My head was engaged in the process, but certainly not my heart. After listening to Rosie, I knew I couldn’t just go through the motions. I needed to make a strong determination, followed by concrete actions to break through my donut-eating complacency. I may like donuts, but I love my life a lot more and I want to preserve my health.

Like Rosie, we will have times when we backslide in our efforts. It could be a donut, a grumpy mood, a harsh word, or even a financial setback such as losing one’s job. But setbacks are only permanent if we allow them to be. For me, I’d rather adopt the “Rosie” outlook and make a heart-felt determination to start anew. I hope you’ll join us on the journey to Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. And to help in the process, please tell your friends about our blog.

Love and peace,

Sally

Horsepower Sense and Trusting the Universe

The most interesting things happen when you are in accord with the universe, or when the universe gives you a nudge to do something you hadn’t planned on doing.

I had a great little car, but the alarm started going off all the time. The blaring of a car alarm in the middle of the night is not an endearing sound for one’s self or the neighbors, so I knew I had to take it into the dealership and have it fixed.

It was Saturday morning and as I was doing my meditations, the thought went through my mind that I would buy a new car. This was a strange idea as I loved my little car and it was only four years old.

I pulled into the dealership around 10 in the morning and went into the dealership to ask who I needed to talk to about fixing the car alarm. The next thing I know the salesman asked me if I wanted a new car because they had a buyer for a car just like mine.

“Not unless you can make me a deal I can’t refuse,” I said.

Well, they DID make me a great deal, and then some. I wound up with a new car like the one I had, with the same color and a few more upgrades to boot. The best part was I got all of this with a lower monthly payment than I was currently making. This all happened in about two and a half hours and all to my advantage. It turned out to be one of the most pleasant experiences I have ever had, especially when buying a car.

Sometimes it can be a bit “alarming” to trust the universe and be open to the magical opportunities that are out there in the world. However, this experience has shown me once again that when I start and end each day with peaceful meditations, and am open to the inner wisdom that comes from it, wondrous opportunities can prevail.

Peace and Love,
Jackie

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Heart

On Christmas Eve I woke up and walked past the mirror and glanced at my reflection. I do not have high expectations of how I look when I first get out of bed and often laugh at my Hiawatha hair. But this was different. I almost didn’t recognize myself. Something was wrong. I looked at my eyes. They looked flat and dull. Still in logical, rather than spiritual mode, I got out a flashlight and looked a little closer. Then it occurred to me, my eyes lost their sparkle.

Knowing my life needed a spiritual boost and not a visit to the optometrist, I sat down in front of my altar and began to pray. I’m a devout Buddhist and my daily ritual includes reciting part of the Lotus Sutra every morning and chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Since this is something I have done daily for more than 20 years, there are times when my prayer – or chanting – is not as powerful as it can be. On this particular morning I made certain I would not just go through the motions. I took a deep breath, thought about how grateful I am to have the ability to use prayer to transform my life and I connected with the enlightened state that all of us have within.

However, I still felt I needed something more to get me through the holidays. I went to the library and looked for Sonia Choquette’s newest book, The Answer is Simple…Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit! The city library had been facing deep budget cuts and this included a cutback on the purchase of new books. However, much to my surprise, they had a copy of Sonia’s book. Unfortunately it was checked out. I put my name on a waiting list and was told they would request the book from another branch. My spiritual pick-me-up would be in my hands in a couple of days.

However, I still felt like I had a little work to do. I went back to the library shelves and found two other books to generate a little internal good will. I made my way to the self checkout desk and proceeded to check out a book on aura cleansing and one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. However, when I scanned the book the computer screen directed me to talk to a librarian. I figured something must be wrong with the book’s barcode. My initial reaction was to forget about the whole thing, but not wanting to leave empty handed I marched over to a librarian for assistance.

Much to my surprise, less than 10 minutes after requesting Sonia’s book, and before I could hightail it out of the building, someone returned the book, a library clerk checked it back into the system, and it sat on a cart waiting for me to take it home. Even Scrooge would have to take note of the incredible timing of this little Christmas miracle.

Before I left the library parking lot I took the CD that came with the aura cleansing book and popped it into my CD player. My mood shifted into a more spiritual realm as I considered my good fortune. When I returned home I began reading Sonia’s book. Within the first few pages she outlined the symptoms of a disconnected spirit – right down to the description of eyes that have lost their sparkle. I was living through my ego and not my authentic, spiritual self. No problem, I was ready to reconnect again.

All of the serendipitous events of this Christmas Eve were not lost on me. I was fortunate enough to take note that my eyes lost their sparkle and I took the initiative to do something about it – pray. With a body fueled with good intent and a desire to make positive change, I went to the library at the right time to get exactly what I wanted and needed. And not what I needed two days from that time, but at the exact time I needed it most.

On Christmas morning I was in the mood for a little levity. During the holidays I have a silly, little Christmas comedy medley I enjoy listening to. Unfortunately, no one else in the house shares my enthusiasm for these songs. And to make the matter worse, my favorite tune, the first one on the CD, had been skipping. My spouse (who usually hates hearing these songs) suggested I play it. Now this is not exactly a Christmas miracle, but for those who know CB, it is pretty darn close. However, there was one caveat, if the music skipped, I’d have to play it another time (when CB was running or hitting golf balls in the yard). I turned on the CD and it played with no problems. To my delight, CB listened and even laughed at the clever lyrics.

As the day progressed I went on to enjoy a wonderful Christmas luncheon with my siblings and nephew, and another get together with my ex husband, daughters, son-in-laws and granddaughter. These gathering are sometimes stressful, and the weather was cold and rainy, but my mood was sunny. It was a glorious day. My one-year-old granddaughter, Rosannah, was an absolute delight. Her zest for life reminded me that life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. Of course she enjoyed her presents, but she was just as happy to rip paper, play with the boxes, smile at everyone, and show how she not only had mastered walking, but she could do it with her hands behind her back.

When I woke up the day after Christmas I walked to the bathroom and glanced at myself as I walked past the mirror. I still had Hiawatha hair, skin that bore the imprint of wrinkled sheets, and the typical stench of morning breath – but something glorious had happened. My eyes were sparkling again.

Chop, chop!

I remember accompanying a friend of mine to a workshop and taking part in a little demonstration. We were put in teams of two. One person held a disposable wooden chopstick firmly in front of them, holding one end of the stick in each hand. Their partner took a business card and was instructed to break the chop stick with the business card.

As soon as this little game was explained I had a powerful thought. “I’m going to break that chopstick on my first try.”

I don’t know what made me feel so confident, but I just knew I was going to do it. Now mind you, I’m not particularly strong or fast. However, I was feeling particularly powerful and wanted to prove to my friend – and myself – that I could do whatever I set my mind to do.

My partner, Andrea, went first. She whacked away with her business card against the chop stick until it was a pulpy mush. Other people smacked, hacked and swiped to no avail. It took a while, but eventually one person broke the chopstick. Then another and another succeeded. Now it was my turn. I took the card and made a bold swipe. The stick instantly broke in two. Andrea looked at me in disbelief. I just smiled. I did exactly what I imagined I would do.

I wish I could tell you that I’m always so successful. It’s not that I (and you) are not capable of these little (and big) victories in life. We are. But little nagging voices of self doubt come marching in like ants to a picnic. Those old, sad stories of how we aren’t good enough, or smart enough, or talented enough, tug at our self confidence and stop our efforts before we start. I have heard these nagging doubts referred to as “your evil twin” mocking any attempt at success.
You can’t tell other people to shut up (not safely anyway) but you can tell your evil twin to take a hike. And you should – as often as the little creep whispers nasty nothings in your ear. As long as you believe these sad stories, they will continue to have power over you. Make it a practice to rewrite your life’s script and choose to believe the winning moments of your life as your model. Our actions are the direct result of what we believe we can do.

Robert Collier once said: “Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.”

The proof of this is illustrated as my little story continues. I went home and repeated the chopstick demonstration to my 14-year-old daughter, Brittany. I got out a pair of chopsticks and a business card and tried to replicate my earlier success. There is something a little intimidating about a teenager’s disbelief and mocking smile. I took the business card and swiped it against the chopstick. It didn’t break. I took a moment and thought about my plight. What was different? It only took a second. A little self doubt had crept in. I paused, took a deep breath and mustered up the power I knew I had within me. WHACK!. The chopstick broke in two. Brittany was amazed. I was proud and relieved.

So what is the moral of this story? If we believe in our personal power, rather than focusing on our failures, we can be heroes in our own life story. So, don’t just sit there reading. Go out there and do something amazing. Chop, chop.