Sock it to Me!

I remember the phrase “sock it to me” from my childhood days in the 1960s. I was a big fan of the television show Rowan and Martin’s “Laugh In.” Now that I’m older I have a different “sock it to me” tradition. Shortly after Thanksgiving I don my Christmas socks. I don’t know why, but this annual event makes me happy.

Last year my holiday stockings were so full of holes that I had to send them to sock heaven to live with all the other socks that disappear from the clothes dryer. Before I let my little tootsie warmers move on to that great sock and underwear drawer in the sky, I bought two replacement pairs. One is black with a red and white leaf design (holly?) and the other is decorated with white snowflakes against a blue sky. 

Of course living in sunny Arizona I rarely see holly wreaths (unless they are plastic) and spotting snowflakes would be a rare occurrence. But I don’t care, it’s officially the holiday season and my Christmas socks are out for all to behold. In fact, due to our warm weather (80 degrees) I’m wearing my socks with shorts making them even more visible than usual.

There would’ve been a time when I would have been too embarrassed to show my socks off to the world. They usually hide under a pair of khaki pants or jeans, but the older I become the less I worry about wardrobe rules. I can just let the world think I’m a golfer. That is the one sport where it is almost a requirement to wear odd color combinations. And what is up with putting  the equivalent of stuffed animals on your clubs? Just saying.

But back to my sock saga.

My love of socks goes back for decades. Maybe it’s because it was one of the few things that were not hand-me-downs from my older sister Diane. I inherited her clothes, but mom drew the line at making me wear Diane’s old socks, underwear and shoes.

When I was in high school I conducted a sock celebration of my own -sockerjacks. My mom packed my lunch and sometimes I would get a box of cracker jacks. Algebra was the class after lunch. I would have the guys who sat near me show off their socks (the girls didn’t participate because we had a dress code and they all wore nylons with their dresses.) Anyway, whoever had the loudest socks would win the crackerjack prize.

Even my algebra teacher, Mr. Reid, participated. In fact he even won the prize on occasion. He was the golf coach and almost always wore a white shirt, tie and dark slacks with white socks, but occasionally  he would show his wild side and don a pair of bright yellow or lime green socks. I never did figure out if he wanted to win the prize or his wife hadn’t gotten around to doing the laundry.

Other participants included Robert Respass and Lynn Sterling, two burly men from the football team, and Curt Hall, who I believe was a wrestler. We had a lot of jocks in this class. Curt was pretty conservative and didn’t win the cracker jack prize too often. I had a big crush on him, but he never asked me out. One of my friends, Julie Heasty, asked him about this. It was obvious to her that he liked me. He admitted to her that he did think I was cute, but we were different religions and that was too big of a bridge to cross in the early 1970s. But I remember feeling better that it was that and not me personally. 

Anyway, now and again I wonder if any of these guys remember my colorful sock contest. It’s a silly thing, but it was a small effort to brighten the day in algebra class. And who doesn’t want a cracker jack prize?

Another sock story is an excerpt from Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, a book I wrote with my friend, Jacqueline Howard. This snippet is from Chapter Two - Reversing the Downward Spiral of Anger, Alcohol and Abuse.

“We were at a meeting and everyone had to say one thing they were grateful for,” said David.  “One guy was living in a half-way house.  He had been living on the streets.  When it was his turn to share he said he was grateful that he had a clean pair of socks in his drawer.  And he wasn’t kidding.  Having clean socks was a luxury to this guy.  It really made me stop and think about how many things I have in my life to be grateful for.”

Having an attitude of gratitude is a crucial step in developing an optimistic mindset. For those who find it hard to think of something they are grateful for, imagine the opposite - how you would feel if you didn’t have something – or someone in your life? Then turn it around to create an example of something you are grateful for. 

For me, as odd as it seems, I don’t need to experience a sense of lack to feel grateful. I think about my happy socks. For those of you who need more help, here is another excerpt from the book on how to prepare for daily optimism-enhancing exercises. 

EXERCISES 

Before you begin these exercises it always helps to engage spiritual help. Close your eyes and ask God, angels, spirit guides or another divine source to help you maintain calm and in control.  Even if you do not believe in celestial beings, create the image in your mind’s eyes as a tool to help you regain a sense of calm.  Whether real or imagined, these protective beings will always be there to assist you whenever you ask.

If you want to read more, I hope you will check out my book. It’s available in paperback through Amazon and the e-version can be purchased through the smashwords website.

Either way, I hope those who read this will share it with others. And one bit of advice, it is better to share words of wisdom than someone’s smelly socks. And if that isn’t cracker jack advice, I don’t know what is.

 

Happy Feet

I tromped around the house, looked down at my new shoes and smiled. I felt like a little kid. It makes no sense, but new shoes – and even new socks – make me feel happy. Maybe it goes back to the days when my dad would sing a version of patty cake with Yiddish (or maybe Polish) lyrics. The translated words are something like, “clap your little hands with joy. Papa’s gonna buy the baby a new pair of shoes.”

My new togs (actually I bought two pair) were not a sexy set of Jimmy Choo’s or stylish Louis Vuitton’s.

My acquisitions were of the New Balance variety. One was an all-purpose number in tones of muted grey and blue. They are comfortable (not an easy task in my size) water-proof, and sturdy. I have been inclined to buy flimsy tootsie coverings that feel like a slipper when I put them on, but are absolutely exhausting after a couple hours of wear.

My friend and podiatrist, Cathy McCarthy,

warned me about the evils of fragile footwear so I have been trying to mend my ways. Before I purchase a new pair of shoes, I turn it over and see if the sole bends. If it does, the shoe is too flexible for everyday wear. My little blue and grey number passed the test.

However, the purchase that really had me smiling was my chestnut brown, light-weight (but solid) hiking shoes.

My old pair of hiking boots is probably 15 years old. They have held up well, but they feel like an anvil on my feet. If I ever confront a bear while hiking I could take one of these puppies off, hit the bear on the head and render her unconscious for an hour. If she awakens and smells the offending boot, that would knock her out for the rest of the day.

But my goal is not to don footwear as ammunition. I want to travel lightly along the trails rather than slog grudgingly forward with a shoe that feels like an anchor. I’ve ramped up my outdoor activities lately. In an effort to keep up with my fleet-of-foot and nature-loving spouse, CB, I thought a lighter shoe would add a little spring to my step. Unfortunately I have experienced disastrous love affairs with others togs. The footwear may feel fine in the store, but after walking a bit they bite and nip at me like a cranky terrier. No wonder people call feet “dogs.”

To reduce my chances of a painful journey, I’ve been breaking my shoes in by wearing them in the house. Incidentally, Dr. McCarthy says you should always wear shoes when you’re on your feet, even in the house (I can hear the collective gasp of mothers everywhere.)

By the way, you can read Dr. McCarthy’s advice in more detail at http://podiatryshoereview.blogspot.com/2012/05/my-feet-hurt-top-ten-things-relieve.html

If you live in Arizona this is especially important because you can also squish scorpions. Now this may result in a dirtier carpet (wearing shoes and smashing a scorpion) but it’s easier to clean a bug in the rug than to develop plantar fasciitis or get stung by an arachnid.

Oops. I digress. Let’s get back to my happy feet story.

My pleasure at finding the right type of shoes may sound shallow to some. It really isn’t about the rapture of engaging in retail therapy (although I do like to shop.) It’s about gratitude. I found shoes that will help me enjoy nature, step a little faster so I can keep up with CB, as well as protect my feet, ankles and legs from unnecessary strain. The fact both pairs were deeply discounted also makes my pocketbook sing. Now that IS shallow, but hey I have to save money where I can.

But let’s get back to my point about gratitude. All of us own “things.” While it may seem more enlightened to cast off earthly desires, it is virtually impossible to do this and survive. However, we can take a step up on the spiritual ladder

by taking a moment and appreciating the food that nourishes us, the clothes that protect us and the people who love us. It’s easy to take these things for granted. But when we make a conscious effort to feel and express our gratitude, we operate on a higher plane.

Everyone has something to be grateful for. Here is an excerpt from Chapter Two of Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.

Since David was angry much of the time, gratitude wasn’t really something he had given much thought to. However, one experience really hit home.

“We were at a meeting and everyone had to say one thing they were grateful for,” said David. “One guy was living in a half-way house. He had been living on the streets. When it was his turn to share he said he was grateful that he had a clean pair of socks in his drawer. And he wasn’t kidding. Having clean socks was a luxury to this guy. It really made me stop and think about how many things I have in my life to be grateful for.”

The simple act of donning shoes and socks is something most of us take for granted. However, I would like to suggest the next time you engage in this simple task, take a moment and feel a sense of appreciation for your footwear. It’s a simple act that is (pardon the pun you know is coming) good for the soul (sole.)

Change, Flying Laptops and Staying Cool Under Pressure

Change is inevitable, but sometimes it’s a pain. For instance, my kind and loving spouse, CB, bought me a new computer. I used it for the first time while we were traveling to Washington. I type a lot, but the keyboard is a little different and I keep hitting keys that change the size of the text, move what I wrote to different parts of the page and sometimes toss me into hidden parts of the computer that I didn’t know existed. It’s as if a little gremlin is playing jokes on me.

Of course I know it’s my hand placement, not a computer devil. But the experience is creating a little internal demon in me. I have to fight the urge to take my new laptop and throw it out the window. When I finally took a break from my task I realized that I had ground my watch band into my wrist. My computer at home has a wrist guard, so this is usually not a problem. Ironically, I did not even notice the discomfort until I took a break. However, now that I see the words “stainless steel band - China” are imprinted in my wrist like a tattoo, I want to curse all things electronic, items made in China, all gifts from my spouse, computers, as well as the very world that doesn’t stay the same long enough for a luddite like me to adjust.

Of course it makes no sense to curse devices, or all thing remotely connected to the source of our aggravation, but how often have we engaged in this senseless behavior? The truth is that all of us have situations in our lives that evoke a sense of anger. That is why we addressed the issue in our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. Here are a few tips that may help.


ERASE NEGATIVITY

•When you start to lose control or feel angry, move away from the situation or person that is causing the infuriating reaction. If at all possible, take a walk. Do not drive when you are mad.
•Choose your words carefully. Replace irate language and thoughts with more rational ones. Instead of thinking, “this is awful,” “everything is ruined,” try saying, “this is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.”
•Every time you feel yourself entertaining angry thoughts, hold your hand out and say, “Stop!” Even if you have to stop yourself 100 times a day, do it until you feel you are in control again.
•Avoid absolute words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or someone else.
•Remind yourself that getting upset will not fix the situation. Angry outbursts will alienate others. Even if your fury provides a temporary feeling of power, in the long run, you could actually make things much worse.

EMBRACE THE MAGIC WITHIN

•Close your eyes. Breathe deeply through your nose. Put your hand beneath your breast and feel your diaphragm filling with air. You do not want to inhale through your chest. Hold your breath for a count of 10. Release the air through your mouth. Do this at least five times.
•As you inhale, repeat a soothing word or phrase such as “I am calm” or “relax.”
•Close your eyes and smile for at least 30 seconds to one minute. While you are smiling, repeat in your mind that you are calm and happy. It is impossible to stay angry when you are smiling. This may feel silly at first, but give it a try anyway.
•Visualize a relaxing experience. This image can either be from your past, or your imagination. Hold the image for at least one minute and continue to breathe deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
François de la Rochefoucauld once wrote, “The only thing constant in life is change.”

Since change is inevitable, the best thing to do is to find a way to reduce our aggravation about it and find a way to make it work for us. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “We change, whether we like it or not” so we might as well change for the better and enjoy the benefits of erasing our negativity and embracing the magic within.

CASA BONKA

I recently went on a road trip along the Pacific Coast. I was awed by the majestic Redwoods that stood like proud titans protecting our nation’s sacred lands and wildlife. While driving along the highway with towering trees on either side of the road, CB, my nature-loving spouse, remarked it was like driving through a church. In fact, the light filtering through the trees was reminiscent of pictures I saw in an illustrated storybook of Bible stories that I enjoyed as a young girl.

Admiring the magnificence of the California and Oregon coast, I contemplated the vastness of the ocean and what my role might be in protecting and preserving the beauty and sanctity of our planet. The world seemed vast, yet while enveloped in this wondrous terrain, I also felt empowered to embark on a life mission to do something truly great.

Then reality set in.

We stopped for the night in an RV park and an angry young man was screaming such violent obscenities at his wife that the police were called in. I feared for the safety of the woman and her baby. However, the mere presence of the police car was enough to quiet the man down and restore peace to the park. I doubt it had a lasting effect, but for the time, things were quiet again.

Unfortunately, I no longer felt as empowered as I had earlier. This violent scene temporarily sucked the courage to make a difference in the world right out of me. I can only imagine how this angry man’s wife and baby felt.

It occurred to me that anger and fear can have a shrinking effect. At least it does for me. It seems that all one’s attention is on something very narrow and confining. I once heard that we need to have an expansive outlook so that we can embrace the surrounding area – the planet – and even the galaxy.

At times, my mentor, Akiko, would ask how big was my world? Not THE world, but MY world. When I’m angry, hurt or fearful, my world is so small. What I’m angry about is all I can think about. It’s like when you have a toothache. You may be in expansive, even beautiful surroundings, but all you can think about is that nasty, throbbing ache in your mouth. Your world has infinite possibilities, but the reality is it becomes the size of a tooth.

During our travels, the confined physical conditions of my sleeping arrangements that I share with my spouse, a bunny, his cage, and a plethora of camping equipment that encompasses our Ford 150 truck and camper, is quite small. CB arranges it nicely, but it can be hard to maneuver. CB calls our little camper shell, Casa Bonka, because the likelihood we will bonk our heads is almost inevitable.

But I don’t have to live in a camper shell. I temporarily sleep in one, but at any time I can step or crawl out of our vehicle, look at the glistening starts and feel the infinite universe and possibilities that await me.

Sticks and Stones

I had a disturbing experience this past weekend regarding an event that did not proceed as expected. Dozens of folks were looking forward to seeing a spiritual movie, but the person who was delivering the DVD was stuck at the airport. I made a few phone calls to alert everyone about the delay.

Since there was no way we could predict an accurate time the movie would be shown that evening, it left things literally (and figuratively) in the air. It was an unfortunate incident, but certainly not the end of the world. However, one gentleman, who was very disappointed that he may not be able to see the movie, turned the whole situation into a personal attack against him.

I did not take this tirade personally. I knew this gentleman had been suffering from a tragic death in his family, but it was still an uncomfortable feeling to have someone venting so much anger at something that was out of my control.

Fortunately, I have always been slow to anger. I tell people I’m a typical Taurus and I have a long fuse before my anger explodes. However, in my younger days my temper was akin to Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano. And like the lava-spewing eruption, the devastation was significant.

Words and actions that erupt from anger are damaging to the perpetrator and the recipient. I once gave a presentation on anger. I recalled a little ditty that many moms would recite to their children when someone hurt their feelings.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

I asked the group to raise their hands if they had ever endured physical suffering in childhood – anything from a skinned knee to a broken bone. Everyone raised their hands. Then I asked how many still suffered from that physical pain. Only one hand was raised. Then I asked, “How many of you were hurt from something someone said to you when you were a kid?" Once again, every hand was in the air. I asked how many of them still smarted from this historical event. One by one, everyone in the room raised their hands.

The point is, calling people names, insulting someone, or nasty verbal exchanges do hurt. In fact they hurt a lot. It reminds me of the story of David, an alcoholic whose story is outlined in my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.


David took solace in drinking as much red wine as he could find. As he continued to drink, his anger erupted into full-blown fury. He became a human demolition machine. The alcohol fueled his rage like gas on a fire. With a sweep of his arm, family mementos came crashing to the floor. He hurled pictures and chairs across the room. Within minutes, the once tidy living room became strewn with broken wood and shards of glass.

He grasped his wife’s neck and began to choke her. But in a moment of clarity, he stopped. Instead he grabbed a large wooden clock on the wall and threw it on the floor. Next he took the sofa table and smashed it into pieces. David’s anger turned into self loathing. He grabbed the leg of a broken table and started beating himself across the wrists.

“Call the police,” David murmured in a defeated tone.

David was placed in the hospital (he was fortunate that his wife chose that option over his incarceration), he joined AA and eventually changed his life. But the damage was done. His wife divorced him, he only sees his daughter a couple of weeks a year, and he is still plagued by the memory of what he did that night.

In an effort to help individuals with anger issues, Erase Negativity offers several exercises. For brevity, I’ve chosen a couple to outline here.

ERASE NEGATIVITY

• When you start to lose control or feel angry, move away from the situation or person that is causing the infuriating reaction. If at all possible, take a walk. Do not drive when you are mad.
• Choose your words carefully. Replace irate language and thoughts with more rational ones. Instead of thinking, “this is awful,” “everything is ruined,” try saying, “this is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.”

EMBRACE THE MAGIC WITHIN

• Close your eyes. Breathe deeply through your nose. Put your hand beneath your breast and feel your diaphragm filling with air. You do not want to inhale through your chest. Hold your breath for a count of 10. Release the air through your mouth. Do this at least five times.
• As you inhale, repeat a soothing word or phrase such as “I am calm” or “relax.”
• Close your eyes and smile for at least 30 seconds to one minute. While you are smiling, repeat in your mind that you are calm and happy. It is impossible to stay angry when you are smiling. This may feel silly at first, but give it a try anyway.
I don’t advocate a life without anger. Anger when channeled to stand up to injustice and create social change, can be a noble goal. But most of the time we are angry because our pride has been wounded.
In short, if you have an explosive temper, make an attempt to get it under control. You will suffer less, and so will those around you. Sticks and stones may temporarily break bones, but words launched in anger can hurt a lifetime.