Great Eggspectations

Today is Easter. My sister, Tina, had the family over for a delicious lunch. Easter wasn’t always an annual gathering, but now that we are older we find more reasons to get together. It’s’ fun to see a new generation enjoy the holiday. My granddaughter, Rosannah, age 3 and her 22-month-old sister Briannah enjoyed their Easter baskets and the search for colored eggs.

My great nephew, Thomas, who is only 3 ½ months wasn’t so sure what to think of the folks at this gathering. His apprehension will dissipate with time, or grow exponentially when he realizes these strange folks share some of his DNA.

Thomas seemed to enjoy looking at his two great toddler cousins who sat in front of his baby seat and gazed at him in amazement. I’m sure it was somewhat comforting to see other little people who were more his size. However, little Thomas has no need to be worried. We’re a height-challenged family so he’ll probably tower over us before he starts kindergarten.

Part of the fun of Easter is the delight children have finding Easter eggs. Each discovery is the source of great excitement. In Rosannah’s world, everything is an adventure. Briannah wasn’t as thrilled with the egg hunt, but took advantage of the game to sneak rolls from the table and stuff them in her mouth. Everyone’s treasure is different.

The point is, at some point in our lives we lose this child-like wonder where miracles happen, to expecting the worst out of life. When I’m interviewed about our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I often say I think the worst thing that can happen to anyone is to lose hope. That is why my friend and co-author, Jackie, wrote the book. We wanted to help people erase the negativity staining their lives and provide tips to help them enjoy life again – perhaps like we did when we were children and still believed in the Easter Bunny. Here is an excerpt from the book to help you on your journey.

Getting Started

To begin with, you must be ready to do the work. If you cannot, then try again a few days, weeks, or months later. Even small steps can be beneficial. The payoff is that once you can make the commitment to try, you will experience a subtle change in your mindset. In time your new outlook will have an enormous impact in your life, as well as your environment.

Rather than turning your focus on fixing someone else, you must look inward. This is not only limited to behaviors, but how you perceive yourself. You’ve heard it a million times, but it really is true. You need to learn to love yourself. You may think you do, but look at your words and actions. How do you treat yourself? Do you say negative things about how you look, act and think?

It is essential that you stop all critical self talk. Self negativity puts a grinding halt to success and happiness. Every time you say a disparaging remark about yourself your subconscious soaks it up like a sponge. Your brain cannot distinguish between self ridicule and an offhand “I was just kidding” remark. Whatever you say or think, the brain just takes it in. It’s a big “yes” machine. If you say, “I’m stupid,” it writes the “Yes, I’m stupid, program.” If you declare, “I will never be happy,” the message becomes fact and you will never be happy. The irony is that it isn’t your enemies who fling the majority of these toxic statements about. You do it to yourself.

If you had a magic genie that would give you what you want, what would you wish for? Would your wish be a bad marriage, constant pain and a cruel boss? Of course not! Then why give those messages to yourself?
Your wishes, good, bad or indifferent, become your brain’s programming. So why not try for something that will bring you joy? That does not mean that everything wonderful you wish for will instantly become reality. But if you surround yourself with positive thoughts and begin a course of action to achieve the things you want in life, you will move your life in a happier direction.

Please remember, nothing happens overnight. Erasing negativity takes effort, but the rewards are tremendous. So try to begin the process by shifting your focus on what is wrong to what is right about your life. Pardon the Easter pun but it all starts with great eggspectations. Happy hunting.

Kick “But” Subtitles Out On Their Fannies

I enjoy writing titles and headlines for stories. Sometimes I come up with a twist on an old saying. For example, Doctor, Heal Thyself, became Dentist, Heal Thy Finances. I used this when I wrote a press release promoting a workshop for The Schuster Center for Professional Development. Patriotic Beauty was used to highlight free services for military families during the week of the 4th of July. More recently I used the phrase “Snazzy Jazz” in a headline about a free jazz concert.

Creating headlines and titles can be fun. But when I was listening to a little video clip from Carol Look, the author who wrote, Attracting Abundance with EFT, she talked about subtitles in another way. She mentioned that we have our own title for what we want, but we negate the message with a destructive subtitle. For example, we might think, “I’d love to go back to school!” But then the sneaky subtitle comes in. Maybe it’s, “But I’m too old.” Or maybe “But, I’m not smart enough.”

A lot of these subtitles begin with “but”. It’s no wonder it is only one letter short of the word “butt”, as that is exactly where it kicks you. Not to mention any hopes you may have for success. The word “but” can be a crappy communication tool as well. “I love you…but…” Not many good things follow but. It is a turd of a word. I try to use the word “and” instead, and turn the negative phrase I am considering to something more positive.

Here’s another example. Instead of saying, “I love you, but your nagging drives me insane.” Try, “I love you, and when you appreciate the little things I do for you I realize how lucky I am.” You come up with your own examples.

However, let’s return to the subject of subtitles.

For many years I was the queen of negative, self subtitles. I blamed my lack of success on my husband, children, being a middle child…you name it. Guess what? I divorced the husband, the two kids have moved away and married. Furthermore, no one can tell by looking at me that I’m a middle child. The old excuses were running out. Of course I could always come up with new ones.

Luckily, I had an epiphany. I was at a luncheon and the guest speaker was Mae Jemison, the first female, African American, astronaut. She was such a dynamic speaker that I waited to get autographed posters for my two girls (both teenagers at the time).

I can’t remember the exact words but it went something like this:

Me: You are so inspirational. I’m going to tell my daughters about what you had to say so they can have the confidence to pursue their dreams.
Mae: What about you? Why should you limit the message to your daughters? Isn’t there a dream you would like to achieve?

This really hit close to home. When I heard what Ms. Jemison had to say, I was applying it all to my young daughters. It was as if I had given up on myself. And I had. It was a low point in my life. I was divorced, working at a job that paid the bills, but was not suited for my personality. I felt trapped.

Worst of all, I stopped writing. Part of my writing paralysis was I felt I didn’t have the time to pursue it. Another excuse was I was sick of rejections from agents, publishers and magazine editors. Another reason was I doubted my ability and thought I wasn’t good enough to do the very thing that made me feel alive. The result was I was miserable. For two years I felt like a part of me had died. Instead of “The Day the Music Died” it became “The Time the Writer Died.”

To make a long story short, I did start writing again. However, even though I had been published in magazines and newspapers, I created a lousy subtitle for myself. People would ask what I did for a living. I would tell them, “I’m a writer.” Usually folks would ask me what type of writing I did (at that time no one knew what a public relations person did). However, I needed business, so I did tell them about my PR firm, then I would tell them my real love was writing romantic comedy screenplays. People’s eyes usually would light up with this statement. Who doesn’t enjoy a witty, romantic comedy? Then I’d follow up with my subtitle, “But I haven’t sold a script yet.”

I could have told them about the stories, or the awards, or any number of things. Instead, I chose to use my lousy subtitle, “But I haven’t sold anything yet.”

So this week’s advice is to either stifle the rotten subtitle, or create a positive one. Also, before you use the word “but” see if you are kicking yourself when you use it.