Reactivating My Life's Purpose Each 4th of July

I have a 4^th of July tradition. I enjoy going to barbecues, watching fireworks and other typical holiday celebrations, but my ritual is more contemplative. I spend a few minutes concentrating on how I can use my skills as a writer to help others. 

I don’t remember exactly when I started using Independence Day in this regard, but I DO know it predated my professional writing career which has been going strong for at least 30 years. Well, some years stronger than others. I earned my first paycheck for something I wrote back in 1983 when the Arizona Republic published a story I wrote about an unwanted Christmas tree. I earned a whopping $30, but the pride carried me through many years of pennilessness for my freelance work. No wonder they call it “free.”

I was not becoming rich for my efforts, but I was prolific typing weekly articles for Campus News, the weekly newspaper for Scottsdale Community College and occasional submissions to the Buddhist periodicals the World Tribune and Living Buddhism. I also penned plays, skits, video scripts, screenplays and teleplays.

Eventually I earned a Bachelor’s degree in journalism and was hired by Mesa Parks, Recreation and Cultural Division as a public relations practitioner. It was a part-time position but I cranked out press releases, feature stories, speeches, letters and brochure copy like a machine. I worked with wonderful people and enjoyed putting my skills to good use for eight years. 

One of the benefits of working for the city is that I could see the direct results my words had in making the community a better place. I wrote about the wonderful events, classes, volunteer opportunities and programs MPRCD offered, people read or heard the news via newspaper, radio or TV and came out in droves to enjoy them. Unfortunately my position was eliminated in spite of glowing performance evaluations. 

Things went downhill after that. My marriage ended and I had a string of writing jobs that didn’t work out. Eventually I took a more stable position working for a local non-profit organization. Unfortunately my writing skills were rarely needed. I felt a part of me died. My attitude must have tanked too, as I eventually was fired from that job as well.

In spite of this setback and hiatus from being a professional scribe, every year on the 4^th of July I reignited my desire to be a writer that would serve humankind. Unbeknownst to those around me, I would launch my wishes into the universe and wait for the brilliant burst of color in the night sky to remind me that my desires could burst forth into reality if I could remain steadfast in my commitment.

My Independence Day ritual predated The Secret, the Abraham series and What the Bleep Do You Know. However, my issue was I didn’t hold onto the dream long enough. Once a year does not an expert make. Eventually I read (and even co-wrote) books and articles on creating a positive attitude and fulfilling your life’s ambitions. To date my most successful work was penning the popular self-help book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within (with fellow author Jacqueline Howard.)  Nothing is more gratifying than knowing something I created has improved the life of another person.

But I’m human and sometimes take a stroll on the grouchy side of life. At times I wonder if the words I write have any impact, I worry my expertise as a public relations expert and professional writer will no longer be enough to pay the bills, as well as any number of negative thoughts that can swirl in and out of my consciousness. Fortunately I’ve trained myself not to wander down that rabbit hole of negativity for any length of time. It’s like exposing ourselves to radiation – a little might be necessary at times, but too much is toxic.

Fortunately today is the 4^th of July – my day to rewrite my personal history. Holidays are great reminders of important dates and people in our lives. It doesn’t matter if the holiday is secular or non secular, all have value.

You may or may not want to read my articles, book or adopt my practice of using the 4^th of July to remind yourself to launch or reactivate your life’s purpose. But in the words of my father (imagine a Yiddish accent when reading the next four words) “What could it hurt?”

Living in the Moment: 4 Ways to be More Mindful Everyday

This week's words of wisdom come in the form of a guest post by Nettie Gray. I hope you enjoy it.






Have you ever felt so worried about the future that you no longer find happiness in today?

You’re too bent trying to solve issues that are yet to arise.

There’s nothing wrong being considerate about what lies ahead, but to let ourselves be consumed by things that are yet to happen is harmful. It only makes the future more terrifying.

Practicing mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment. Doing this helps alleviate stress, promote happiness and positivity.

Let us talk about few ways how you can be more mindful each day.

Focus on routinary activities.
Has typical daily activities such as taking a shower, brushing your teeth or washing dishes ever appeared interesting to you?

If you strive to be more mindful, then these things can turn out enjoyable too.

Brush your teeth in front of the mirror and observe the stroke of the brush every time you push your arms up and down, then sideways. Listen to the sound of the brush against your teeth.

When taking a shower, meanwhile, feel the first drops of water falling on your skin. Listen as well to its sound. Indulge in the sweet smell of your shampoo and soap. Play with soap suds forming on your skin while you’re gently scrubbing.

Observe the plates and glasses you’re washing and take delight seeing it looking like new again. Enjoy the clean scent afterward.

Be mindful when waiting.
You arrive at a fastfood chain and notice the long queue.

In the fast-paced world we’re living in, waiting is somewhat a luxury. Being stuck in one place for a long period can easily annoy or piss off a person. But truth is, it depends how you look into the situation. You have a choice whether to let it get on your nerves, or use the opportunity instead to bring peace into your mind.

Will you tap your foot on the floor, look into your watch every time, cross your arms and frown to everyone whose eyes meet yours? Or will you be mindful of your reaction when the line moves forward or when you check your phone or talk to the stranger next to you?

Learn to accept.
Stop being a worrier. If you will focus your mind to the present then the future is likely to turn out good for you. Our actions work in a domino effect.

Think about what’s making you worry.

Is it because your salary today isn't enough to raise your own family in the future? Don’t you think by the time you settle down, then your career experience must have improved a lot, and hence your income might have already increased as well?

Accept the situation you’re in right now. Many others are probably enduring a tougher circumstance. Yours cannot be the worst.

Be extra considerate and patient when commuting.
You’ve hit the rush hour yet again.

There you are, standing in a bus exhausted from work, jealous of those comfortably sitting, reading a book or taking a nap, trying hard not to feel annoyed by those talking too loud or getting off the bus hitting your shoulders or stepping on your feet.

And you say to yourself, “Thought I could start to write my papers within an hour, and turn it in earlier.”

Like being stuck in a long queue, commuting also tests your patience. Resist the urge to unleash rage or scream out loud. Be mindful of your reactions. Think of the possible consequences first before doing anything.


Author Bio:
Nettie Gray finds dishwashing relaxing. After working on the household chore, she feels as though her mind had been as well cleared.

My Frugal Little Valentine

Valentine's Day is a chick's holiday. Sure the guys go along with it, but for the most part it's the women who do the shopping. I was recently at a friend's house and my guy friend, Tomo, asked if Valentine's Day was Feb. 16. His sister informed him of the correct date in plenty of time for him to get his main squeeze a gift in time.

While it is always nice to receive candy, jewelry, flowers and other goodies from our sweetie, one must always remember that we need to be our own best friend. That may require a bit of shopping.

And shopping can be hard work.

Therefore, I suggest to my readers in Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma and Florida to check out the following pamper package.

http://www.prlog.org/12068168-arizona-valentines-enjoy-pampering-for-less-at-international-academy-of-hair-design.html

I offer this shameless self-promotion of my favorite client not only because I AM a public relations person and this is MY blog, but also because it is important to nurture yourself.

One of the best things you can do for yourself (other than the pamper package mentioned above) is to erase negativity from your life. Here is an excerpt from our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.

Rather than turning your focus on fixing someone else, you must look inward. This is not only limited to behaviors, but how you perceive yourself. You’ve heard it a million times, but it really is true. You need to learn to love yourself. You may think you do, but look at your words and actions. How do you treat yourself? Do you say negative things about how you look, act and think?

It is essential that you stop all critical self talk. Self negativity puts a grinding halt to success and happiness. Every time you say a disparaging remark about yourself your subconscious soaks it up like a sponge. Your brain cannot distinguish between self ridicule and an offhand “I was just kidding” remark. Whatever you say or think, the brain just takes it in. It’s a big “yes” machine. If you say, “I’m stupid,” it writes the “Yes, I’m stupid, program.” If you declare, “I will never be happy,” the message becomes fact and you will never be happy. The irony is that it isn’t your enemies who fling the majority of these toxic statements about. You do it to yourself.

If you had a magic genie that would give you what you want, what would you wish for? Would your wish be a bad marriage, constant pain and a cruel boss? Of course not! Then why give those messages to yourself?

Your wishes, good, bad or indifferent, become your brain’s programming. So why not try for something that will bring you joy? That does not mean that everything wonderful you wish for will instantly become reality. But if you surround yourself with positive thoughts and begin a course of action to achieve the things you want in life, you will move your life in a happier direction.

Loving yourself can be more difficult than loving someone else so why not send a little compassion inward and read Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within? All you have to lose is a big, bunch of grouchiness (and $14.99 plus shipping.) If you are broke, but sincere about changing your life around, contact me and I'll let you know how you can read the book for free.

Here is our sincere wish for a happy Valentine's Day.

Sally and Jackie

Student of Happiness

I returned to my alma mater today. I gave my spouse, CB, a ride to school and chose to hang out near the music building and use the venue to do a little writing. I spend a lot of time in my home office, so sometimes it’s helpful to have a change of scenery.

I graduated from community college in 1985. It was an 11-year process to earn a two-year degree. I’m sure many folks thought I’d never finish. But, if I am anything, I am persistent. Once I moved on to Arizona State University I completed my bachelor’s degree in three years. So in total, it took me 14 years to earn a four-year degree. However, in my defense, I gave birth to both of my daughters, worked part time and still kept up with my responsibilities of being a wife, parent and volunteer.

If I had gone to school full time during that time during my 14-year educational stint perhaps I could have done something more prestigious, like become an orthopedic surgeon. Instead of wielding a scalpel, I have a pen and computer. I do not have a MD after my name, but I am a healer of sorts. That is why I decided to co-write the new, self-help book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. My co-author, Jackie, and I saw people in pain and we decided to do something to help.
It all started when Jackie and I were discussing some of our favorite self-help books and how they had helped us. Then the conversation shifted to people we knew who were in terrible emotional pain and very negative because of it. We wondered, “What would it take to help someone like that?” We brainstormed and decided that there needed to be some sort of primer, or “read this first” book that could help them erase their negativity. Then once they were no longer entrenched in negativity, they could go on and enjoy the optimistic messages in other books. Our thought was that if a person doesn’t erase their negativity first, any optimistic front would just fall apart.

I’ll be honest, sometimes ongoing education is a pain. After my marathon process to earn a Bachelor’s degree, it was years before I wanted to park my butt on one of those uncomfortable little wooden desks and listen to a lecture again. But I did. I also learn in other ways such as webinars, reading, attending lectures etc. Like it or not, we are always learning new things. Sometimes we continue the educational process by replaying old, negative messages about our past. That is about as useful as studying for a urine test. But I digress.

Whether or not you are in a classroom, learning is a life-long process. For instance, Jackie and I chose to focus our energy on the topic of erasing negativity. Why? Because negativity is a killer of happiness, a robber of the spirit and the best friend of despair. No one is born negativity (although I’ve met some crabby babies.) Pessimism is a habit we learned. The good news is we can take steps to learn how to erase it.

That is why I’m reaching out to individuals to offer free, 30-minute phone consultations to the first five individuals who qualify for this offer (yes I make you fill out a form, but it is not a big deal.) Please contact me through my blog, www.erasenegativity.blogspot.com, website, www.erasenegativity.com or email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know if you are interested.

Forget about the old cliché about you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. There is no time like the present to begin a new journey toward a happier, magical life. I look forward to hearing from you. Now go home. Class dismissed.

Yapping with the Gap Tooth Diva

For those of you who would rather listen than read, be sure to check out this radio interview with me and the gap tooth diva. This was a fun interview and I think you'll enjoy it too.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/gaptoothdivaradio/2011/11/04/erasing-negativity-w-sally-marks-ft-music-by-hero-haya

Kick “But” Subtitles Out On Their Fannies

I enjoy writing titles and headlines for stories. Sometimes I come up with a twist on an old saying. For example, Doctor, Heal Thyself, became Dentist, Heal Thy Finances. I used this when I wrote a press release promoting a workshop for The Schuster Center for Professional Development. Patriotic Beauty was used to highlight free services for military families during the week of the 4th of July. More recently I used the phrase “Snazzy Jazz” in a headline about a free jazz concert.

Creating headlines and titles can be fun. But when I was listening to a little video clip from Carol Look, the author who wrote, Attracting Abundance with EFT, she talked about subtitles in another way. She mentioned that we have our own title for what we want, but we negate the message with a destructive subtitle. For example, we might think, “I’d love to go back to school!” But then the sneaky subtitle comes in. Maybe it’s, “But I’m too old.” Or maybe “But, I’m not smart enough.”

A lot of these subtitles begin with “but”. It’s no wonder it is only one letter short of the word “butt”, as that is exactly where it kicks you. Not to mention any hopes you may have for success. The word “but” can be a crappy communication tool as well. “I love you…but…” Not many good things follow but. It is a turd of a word. I try to use the word “and” instead, and turn the negative phrase I am considering to something more positive.

Here’s another example. Instead of saying, “I love you, but your nagging drives me insane.” Try, “I love you, and when you appreciate the little things I do for you I realize how lucky I am.” You come up with your own examples.

However, let’s return to the subject of subtitles.

For many years I was the queen of negative, self subtitles. I blamed my lack of success on my husband, children, being a middle child…you name it. Guess what? I divorced the husband, the two kids have moved away and married. Furthermore, no one can tell by looking at me that I’m a middle child. The old excuses were running out. Of course I could always come up with new ones.

Luckily, I had an epiphany. I was at a luncheon and the guest speaker was Mae Jemison, the first female, African American, astronaut. She was such a dynamic speaker that I waited to get autographed posters for my two girls (both teenagers at the time).

I can’t remember the exact words but it went something like this:

Me: You are so inspirational. I’m going to tell my daughters about what you had to say so they can have the confidence to pursue their dreams.
Mae: What about you? Why should you limit the message to your daughters? Isn’t there a dream you would like to achieve?

This really hit close to home. When I heard what Ms. Jemison had to say, I was applying it all to my young daughters. It was as if I had given up on myself. And I had. It was a low point in my life. I was divorced, working at a job that paid the bills, but was not suited for my personality. I felt trapped.

Worst of all, I stopped writing. Part of my writing paralysis was I felt I didn’t have the time to pursue it. Another excuse was I was sick of rejections from agents, publishers and magazine editors. Another reason was I doubted my ability and thought I wasn’t good enough to do the very thing that made me feel alive. The result was I was miserable. For two years I felt like a part of me had died. Instead of “The Day the Music Died” it became “The Time the Writer Died.”

To make a long story short, I did start writing again. However, even though I had been published in magazines and newspapers, I created a lousy subtitle for myself. People would ask what I did for a living. I would tell them, “I’m a writer.” Usually folks would ask me what type of writing I did (at that time no one knew what a public relations person did). However, I needed business, so I did tell them about my PR firm, then I would tell them my real love was writing romantic comedy screenplays. People’s eyes usually would light up with this statement. Who doesn’t enjoy a witty, romantic comedy? Then I’d follow up with my subtitle, “But I haven’t sold a script yet.”

I could have told them about the stories, or the awards, or any number of things. Instead, I chose to use my lousy subtitle, “But I haven’t sold anything yet.”

So this week’s advice is to either stifle the rotten subtitle, or create a positive one. Also, before you use the word “but” see if you are kicking yourself when you use it.

You Don't Say!

I was driving down the road, fiddling with the radio and I accidentally tuned into a call-in show. A young girl had called in with a problem regarding her sexual identity. As I listened, it became increasingly evident that the host offered no meaningful advice whatsoever. However, by reflecting on her situation (and since the host was offering no useful guidance) the young woman seemed to come to grips with her situation. In retrospect, I think the radio show was a comedy routine (or I accidentally stumbled onto the campiest radio program ever broadcast).

However, it made me think of an earlier incident in my own life. I was appointed a chapter leader in the Buddhist group I belong to, and occasionally I offer guidance to members in my spiritual community. On a couple of occasions, people have told me how I had helped them. Of course, as the author of a self-help book that has been stalled in the publishing process, I sometimes need an encouraging word or two myself.

Just the other day, Barbara, a wise and funny woman I’ve known for years, called me on the phone. She told me about some difficulties she was facing. Barbara is a very optimistic and humorous woman (she is also a professional clown), so she definitely has a way of communicating that is down right engaging. She always makes me laugh. I’m not sure if I was in a receptive mood, or just really didn’t know what to say, so I listened. At the end of our conversation, Barbara told me how much I had helped her. This was ironic, because I really hadn’t said much. I just listened.

It was a very similar scenario with the radio talk show host. He hadn’t said much of anything (or at least nothing useful) but by the end of the conversation, the caller seemed to have discovered her own answer. I thought about this. I am a problem solver. That is how my brain operates. And when my mind is clicking, my tongue (with its endless stream of advice) is not far behind.

However, I have to remind myself to temper my loquacious tendency and reflect on the famous words of the Greek philosopher Epictetus. “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” While advice can be appreciated, more often than not, a friendly and sympathetic ear is valued more. While there may be exceptions, I do believe that most of us, given the time to reflect, intuitively know the answer we are seeking. We just need to take the time, and be sensitive enough, to listen to our own inner wisdom.

With that in mind, this blog entry will be short. When a friend asks for advice, take the time to listen. You may find that no words are necessary. And when you are struggling with a decision, take a few deep breaths and listen to your own inner voice. There is quote (and I’m paraphrasing) Speak less and listen more. No one learned anything worthwhile from talking. That said, I will say no more.
Until next time…

Sally

Why Erase Negativity?

I remember a friend had a bumper sticker that said: Life Sucks and Then You Die. It still makes me cringe to think of it.

Certainly I’ve spent more than my fair share of time grousing about any number of things. But I’m a realist. Being grumpy, pessimistic and cynical did not work for me.

My methods and observations weren’t exactly brain surgery. It was a simple experiment. I tried the pessimistic route and observed the results. Actually, it wasn’t an experiment, that’s just how I chose to live my life for about 35 years. Then I got hooked reading self help books. I always thought it was funny that I needed to ask a sales clerk where the self help section was located. Hey it’s self help, shouldn’t I be able to find it by myself? But I digress. I read the books and tried to live my life accordingly. My change in outlook did not happen over night. But little by little I did develop a more optimistic mindset and I’m a lot happier.

This would be the end of the story except I want to help other people discover what I learned – maybe with a few shortcuts along the way. So, my friend Jackie and I wrote a book. It’s called Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. It isn’t out yet, but it will be soon. In the meantime, we want to offer a few tips and suggestions so we can do our part to help create a happier world. Of course we hope you’ll buy the book when it does come out. We’re nice people, but we still need to eat.

So here is our first message.

It is impossible to go through life without encountering difficulties. From our first cry to our last breath, the human experience involves a series of struggles. While encountering challenges is an inherent part of life, it is not so much the problems, but the attitude one takes while facing these difficulties that shapes how we view the world.

It would make sense that an energetic and optimistic approach to life would produce better results, but that is easier said than done. An infant who is lovingly welcomed into a kind and caring family is more likely to receive positive messages than a baby who is born into a home where the environment is critical and angry. While there may be exceptions, by and large, we are the sum of our experiences, and generally this is the determining factor of whether we develop a positive or negative mindset.

If it were simply a matter of flipping a switch to receive a positive or negative attitude, most of us would opt for former. Unfortunately, many of us grew up in a negative environment, or suffered physical or emotional trauma that tainted our outlook. Bit by bit, negativity became our way of coping with life. Many pessimistic individuals claim that while a negative outlook may provide fewer positive results, it also protects them from disappointment. Unfortunately, negativity is more like a cancer than a protective shield. It starts small, and may seem innocent enough at first, but if not kept in check the negative mindset can spread and wreck havoc in all aspects of our lives.

“I’m not negative,” you may say to yourself (or out loud). “I’m just being realistic.” Maybe so, but, if that “realistic” approach has resulted in some depressing results and evolved into a downright unhappy life, perhaps it’s time to consider a new, happier perspective.

That is what Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is all about. It’s a simple guide to recognize and diffuse negative behavior and replace it with a positive approach. No one is born negative, it is an acquired habit. Whether you were raised in a negative household, or acquired a downbeat demeanor after a lifetime of disappointments, it was a habit you learned. Perhaps your realistic approach (the one your friends and family call negative) has been a shield against the worst of life. After all, if one prepares and expects the worst, it will reduce the painful effect that most assuredly will follow. Unfortunately, this approach comes with some depressing results – a disapproving mindset, negative results and an unhappy life.

On the contrary, much has been written about the power of optimism, the simplicity of law of attraction (like attracts like) and how positive thoughts, actions and deeds produce positive outcomes. It sounds good in theory. You may even believe it’s true. But putting it into practice is another story.

That is why Erase Negativity was written. Who better than a couple of former naysayers to provide a practical guide to help clean out the negativity in one’s life and adopt a more positive way of living? If negativity is learned, than erasing it and replacing it with a constructive and affirmative life pattern can be learned as well.

The approach to erasing negativity is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Like anything worth having in life, it is going to take work. However, if you read our suggestions, follow the exercises, vow to never give up on yourself and stay with the program long enough to see it really start to work, you will see positive change in your life. So, if you’re ready for a change, please continue checking out the blog, consider some of the books we suggest and find out how you can Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.

And when our book comes out, please buy a copy or two or 300. And don’t forget to tell all your friends.

Peace and Love,

Sally and Jackie