I was sick a few days ago and spent a couple of days camped out on the couch. With little energy to do much else, I browsed through Netflix and watched a movie about two little boys who were accidentally switched at birth. When I finished the movie I saw a television series, Switched at Birth, based on the same premise. However, instead of little boys, the main characters are two teenage girls. I’m no teenager, but the show really captivated me. I will have to patiently wait for season 2 to become available to see what happens next.
I think two of the underlying themes of the series are ones all of us can identify with, the difficulty of fitting in, as well as being accepted for who we are.
I remember when I was a young girl I wondered if I had accidentally been delivered to the wrong family. I was the only one who hated math, loved reading and had a crossed eye. Physically I couldn’t deny my heritage. There is a striking resemblance between me and my siblings, especially to my older sister Diane. Complete strangers would come up to us and mistake us for one another well into adulthood. However, when it came to other matters, I was a polar opposite of the rest of the Marks clan.
In retrospect, I think most of us feel out of step, even within our own family dynamic. In fact we may even feel that way about our place in the world as well. How often have we wished to go back in time and change past choices or whine about the ramifications of our decisions? It has to be a common thought because I have seen dozens of movies with a similar premise.
However, we should not wait for an angel or magical genie to appear and change our life. But that does not mean we should give up hope for a brighter future. All of us have the power to affect change. Oddly enough, rather than do something to improve our situations the typical course of action is to whine, stay stuck in our own miserable mindset, and then wonder why our lives turned out the way it did.. It’s as if our life is a television show and rather than switch the channel, or write a new script, we continue to not only play these sad episodes, we play them over and over and over again.
In our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I interviewed a woman named Tammy D’Antonio. Tammy is an intelligent, strong, articulate woman. I assumed she came from a wealthy family who had ingrained a strong sense of purpose and pride in her warm, but ambitious soul.
Nothing could have been farther from the truth.
When I interviewed Tammy I learned both her mom and dad were drug addicts and her mother was murdered by drug dealers. Tammy’s only brother also went to jail for drug-related crimes (however he has since turned his life around.) Rather than stay immersed in family tragedy and drama, when Tammy was a teenager she decided she could write her own life script.
In the book she defined some of the goals she set for herself.
1. Set goals.
2. State your intention.
3. Take action.
4. Have faith.
5. Always keep moving.
6. Never be defeated.
7. Always strive for something bigger than you.
8. Have humility.
9. Love.
Later she would convert to Buddhism and incorporate a more spiritual approach to integrate into her goals to improve her life. However, using these simple nine goals, she changed the direction of her life.
The important thing to remember is we have far more power than we believe. We may not be able to change the past, but we have the power to create our future. While it may seem seductive to imagine how our lives may have been different if we had made different choices, or better yet, been born to a better family, that is not reality.
While fictional television shows and movies are entertaining, they are a writer’s creation, not fact. Your life, good or bad, is your creation. Or, as in the words of David Thomas: If there are things you don't like in the world you grew up in, make your own life different.”
Showing posts with label creative writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creative writing. Show all posts
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I Miss My Friends
It does not always happen when the situation is dire, depressing and dismal. The feeling has washed over me when I’m sitting on a beautiful beach or walking through an emerald green forest. I’ve experienced the sensation when I’m alone, among crowds of people, or even sitting in front of folks who have paid to hear me talk about my book, Erase Negativity. Sometimes I miss my friends.
I’m a typical middle child. I learned (or thought) early on that I would not match my older brother, Dennis’ good looks, my older sister, Diane’s academic achievements, my younger brother Terry’s athletic ability or my baby sister, Tina’s skill as a pom pom girl. So I carved out my own niche in life – to be a good and loyal friend.
Through the years I have been fortunate enough to have some wonderful allies. Many have been at my side during the tough times such as when I divorced, lost my job, and my mother died (all within a year). I’ve had some pals who handed me Clearasil when my teenage complexion ran amok, helped me fix my unruly hair for the prom, and drove me home from the hospital and helped guide me through the door after eye surgery had me seeing double for six weeks.
I think some of my friend-making ability stems from my youth. As a middle child I learned to share at an early age. As long as my needs were met I didn’t have a problem allowing others access to my toys, clothes or time. However, I have to admit I took some liberties when the shoe was on the other foot and I wanted access to my sister’s clothing and shoes. There is a line between sharing and unauthorized pilfering. But I digress.
The point is, when I am enjoying something wonderful, I want to share it with others. The same is true for information. I suppose that is why I wrote a self-help book. I have benefited from the wisdom of others (in person and through books) and I would like to pass it along.
However, this desire to have friends can be a double-edged sword. In my book, one chapter highlights the experience of Maria, a meth addict. Her strong desire to have friends – any friends – led her down the path of drug addiction. Poor choices are not always so blatant. The term “frenemy” is a portmanteau of the words friend and enemy. It describes folks who are enemies disguised as friends. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between friend and foe.
In order to make better choices regarding friendships here are a few questions you can ask yourself.
•Does the person display good qualities such as honesty, integrity and consideration?
•Are they selfish and self serving? All friendships experience a give and take of needs, but if you find you are the one doing all the giving, especially in the beginning of the friendship, it is best to step back and assess the situation carefully.
NOTE: Often good-hearted individuals get sucked into an unhealthy alliance with a charismatic friend. Unfortunately, most of these individuals have learned to prey upon the kindness of others and are only interested in what they can take – be it time, money or favors. It is better to walk away from these people right away before you get emotionally involved.
•Do they talk critically about others behind their backs? If so, chances are they will do the same about you.
•Are they cheerful or cynical? Not everyone can be genial all the time, but someone who is consistently cynical operates on a lower vibration energetically, and if you spend a great deal of time with them your mood will be affected.
•Are they trustworthy and loyal? Remember that one’s actions speak louder than words. If a person says they are loyal, but demonstrates qualities that show they are otherwise, consider the actions, not what they say as the true barometer of their character.
Very few things are as important as having friends in your life, but, as in all things, make sure you pick good ones. Friends are like apples. Good ones nourish and sustain you. Bad ones can poison your heart and soul and give you karmic diarrhea. Pick well.
I’m a typical middle child. I learned (or thought) early on that I would not match my older brother, Dennis’ good looks, my older sister, Diane’s academic achievements, my younger brother Terry’s athletic ability or my baby sister, Tina’s skill as a pom pom girl. So I carved out my own niche in life – to be a good and loyal friend.
Through the years I have been fortunate enough to have some wonderful allies. Many have been at my side during the tough times such as when I divorced, lost my job, and my mother died (all within a year). I’ve had some pals who handed me Clearasil when my teenage complexion ran amok, helped me fix my unruly hair for the prom, and drove me home from the hospital and helped guide me through the door after eye surgery had me seeing double for six weeks.
I think some of my friend-making ability stems from my youth. As a middle child I learned to share at an early age. As long as my needs were met I didn’t have a problem allowing others access to my toys, clothes or time. However, I have to admit I took some liberties when the shoe was on the other foot and I wanted access to my sister’s clothing and shoes. There is a line between sharing and unauthorized pilfering. But I digress.
The point is, when I am enjoying something wonderful, I want to share it with others. The same is true for information. I suppose that is why I wrote a self-help book. I have benefited from the wisdom of others (in person and through books) and I would like to pass it along.
However, this desire to have friends can be a double-edged sword. In my book, one chapter highlights the experience of Maria, a meth addict. Her strong desire to have friends – any friends – led her down the path of drug addiction. Poor choices are not always so blatant. The term “frenemy” is a portmanteau of the words friend and enemy. It describes folks who are enemies disguised as friends. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between friend and foe.
In order to make better choices regarding friendships here are a few questions you can ask yourself.
•Does the person display good qualities such as honesty, integrity and consideration?
•Are they selfish and self serving? All friendships experience a give and take of needs, but if you find you are the one doing all the giving, especially in the beginning of the friendship, it is best to step back and assess the situation carefully.
NOTE: Often good-hearted individuals get sucked into an unhealthy alliance with a charismatic friend. Unfortunately, most of these individuals have learned to prey upon the kindness of others and are only interested in what they can take – be it time, money or favors. It is better to walk away from these people right away before you get emotionally involved.
•Do they talk critically about others behind their backs? If so, chances are they will do the same about you.
•Are they cheerful or cynical? Not everyone can be genial all the time, but someone who is consistently cynical operates on a lower vibration energetically, and if you spend a great deal of time with them your mood will be affected.
•Are they trustworthy and loyal? Remember that one’s actions speak louder than words. If a person says they are loyal, but demonstrates qualities that show they are otherwise, consider the actions, not what they say as the true barometer of their character.
Very few things are as important as having friends in your life, but, as in all things, make sure you pick good ones. Friends are like apples. Good ones nourish and sustain you. Bad ones can poison your heart and soul and give you karmic diarrhea. Pick well.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Don't Pull My String!
When I was a little girl there was a doll named Chatty Cathy. You pulled her string and there were a variety of phrases she said. I wasn’t too interested in this particular toy, but when Mattel came out with Cathy’s siblings, Chatty Baby and Chatty Brother, I knew I had to mend my naughty ways so the tow-headed babies would be mine for Christmas.
The twin dolls looked exactly alike except Chatty Baby had longer hair than her twin brother. At least she did until MY little sister, Tina, decided the doll needed a haircut. Even as a "doll mother" I was embarrassed that my plastic baby had a crew cut and the golden tresses would never grow back. However, karma being what it is, Tina’s friend, Debbie, found her own pair of scissors and Tina sported a crew cut herself for several months.
Anyway, my chatty twins had a repertoire of about 10 sayings such as “I hungry,” “mama,” “dada,” “you nice” and my favorite, “I love you.” They also laughed and cried. I pulled their little strings and never tired of their chatter. Evil siblings would do things like stutter stop the string mid pull so the babies would change their phrase and say something like “I love…boo hoo hoo.”
I was kind of a frumpy little kid, but my dolls were always well cared for. I brushed their hair, never left them outside in the heat, and they were always decked out in cute outfits. To this day I cannot bear to see a naked doll on the floor. I say the same thing to my grandkids that I did for my own daughters, “Go put some clothes on your baby before he/she catches a cold.” It works too because I’ve never heard so much as a sneeze from the baby dolls.
Unfortunately, my daughters did not share my affection for my chatty baby and her brother. In fact they were scared of the dolls. That movie “Chuckie” ruined the lives of a lot of innocent dolls. Bad Chuckie. But I digress.
As I have gotten older, I realize that I share some characteristics with these loquacious toys. For example, someone says something and rather than really think about a kind and thoughtful answer, the reaction is a knee jerk reply that becomes the equivalent of “go take a hike!” (or worse.)
We have a lot more than 10 automatic responses, but the same ones tend to get used over and over again. Think of the typical response when you are cut off in traffic. One or two words and one gesture usually materialize. The same is also true for sad news. The typical response is something less than heartfelt, such as, “Don’t worry, things will improve.” These banal comments are so hollow you can hear the echo as the words leave your lips.
As a writer I am always trying to think of things to say that can offer a unique perspective or insight. At least that’s the goal. But there are times when it’s as if someone pulls MY string and I make a stereotypical comment. Sometimes words are just too cheap and a friendly ear and a warm hug can say a lot more.
So I’m challenging everyone to try something new. Try talking less and listening more. This is nothing new. More than 2,000 years ago Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so we may listen more and talk the less.”
I recently purchased the book, “Listening” by Lee Coit. He not only talks about listening to others, but to listen to your own inner wisdom.
There will be times when someone says something and we will be inclined to respond with a cliché. Undoubtedly there will be times when others try to push our buttons or pull our strings.
At these difficult times we all need to remind ourselves to take a deep breath and really listen to what the other person is trying to say. If it is hurtful, dismiss it. If there is some truth to it, listen to your inner wisdom and see if there is a kernel of truth to it that can be used as a way to improve yourself. But most importantly, listen to your inner wisdom. Especially the part that when asked, responds with unconditional love. And best of all, you don’t even need to pull a string to hear it.
The twin dolls looked exactly alike except Chatty Baby had longer hair than her twin brother. At least she did until MY little sister, Tina, decided the doll needed a haircut. Even as a "doll mother" I was embarrassed that my plastic baby had a crew cut and the golden tresses would never grow back. However, karma being what it is, Tina’s friend, Debbie, found her own pair of scissors and Tina sported a crew cut herself for several months.
Anyway, my chatty twins had a repertoire of about 10 sayings such as “I hungry,” “mama,” “dada,” “you nice” and my favorite, “I love you.” They also laughed and cried. I pulled their little strings and never tired of their chatter. Evil siblings would do things like stutter stop the string mid pull so the babies would change their phrase and say something like “I love…boo hoo hoo.”
I was kind of a frumpy little kid, but my dolls were always well cared for. I brushed their hair, never left them outside in the heat, and they were always decked out in cute outfits. To this day I cannot bear to see a naked doll on the floor. I say the same thing to my grandkids that I did for my own daughters, “Go put some clothes on your baby before he/she catches a cold.” It works too because I’ve never heard so much as a sneeze from the baby dolls.
Unfortunately, my daughters did not share my affection for my chatty baby and her brother. In fact they were scared of the dolls. That movie “Chuckie” ruined the lives of a lot of innocent dolls. Bad Chuckie. But I digress.
As I have gotten older, I realize that I share some characteristics with these loquacious toys. For example, someone says something and rather than really think about a kind and thoughtful answer, the reaction is a knee jerk reply that becomes the equivalent of “go take a hike!” (or worse.)
We have a lot more than 10 automatic responses, but the same ones tend to get used over and over again. Think of the typical response when you are cut off in traffic. One or two words and one gesture usually materialize. The same is also true for sad news. The typical response is something less than heartfelt, such as, “Don’t worry, things will improve.” These banal comments are so hollow you can hear the echo as the words leave your lips.
As a writer I am always trying to think of things to say that can offer a unique perspective or insight. At least that’s the goal. But there are times when it’s as if someone pulls MY string and I make a stereotypical comment. Sometimes words are just too cheap and a friendly ear and a warm hug can say a lot more.
So I’m challenging everyone to try something new. Try talking less and listening more. This is nothing new. More than 2,000 years ago Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so we may listen more and talk the less.”
I recently purchased the book, “Listening” by Lee Coit. He not only talks about listening to others, but to listen to your own inner wisdom.
There will be times when someone says something and we will be inclined to respond with a cliché. Undoubtedly there will be times when others try to push our buttons or pull our strings.
At these difficult times we all need to remind ourselves to take a deep breath and really listen to what the other person is trying to say. If it is hurtful, dismiss it. If there is some truth to it, listen to your inner wisdom and see if there is a kernel of truth to it that can be used as a way to improve yourself. But most importantly, listen to your inner wisdom. Especially the part that when asked, responds with unconditional love. And best of all, you don’t even need to pull a string to hear it.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Despicable Me
I used to be a smart aleck. I suppose if there were a “Smart Assoholics” group I would have considered attending, but I never mustered the courage to look into it. Can you imagine calling and asking someone, “Can you tell me when the Smart Assoholics Group meets?” The members would either ignore you and or assume you were being a smart aleck for asking such a question.
I never officially went into smart aleck recovery, but I’ve more or less reformed my sarcastic ways. When someone says something unkind, the synapses in my brain may emit a fiery thought or two, but I try to use restraint before it erupts into a verbal explosion. In my youth I wasn’t as quick on my feet when the attack was directed at me, but if someone said something nasty to a friend or family member I could launch some zingers that could cut someone off at the knees.
Nearly 20 years ago (when wearing a bicycle helmet was more the exception than the rule) my daughter, Alicia, donned a helmet and pedaled off to junior high. Naturally some rude kid gave her a hard time about wearing it. My instant reaction was to say to the kid, “If I had your brain I wouldn’t worry about wearing a helmet either, but Alicia, unlike you, has something of value between her ears.” Now I just thought this. I didn’t say it. But if I’d seen that rotten kid that would probably have been the nicest thing I said to him.
Of course not all of my put downs were so mean-spirited. Some were more humorous than caustic. However, when I was in my 30s I enrolled in a World Religions class at Scottsdale Community College. I was especially interested in the chapter about Buddhism and decided to follow the example of employing “right speech” and keep the sarcasm at bay.
This was not easy for me. I had spent a lot of my life making smart aleck statements and my ability to emit witty retorts and I felt this skill was one of my finest attributes. However, I knew these comebacks created negative karma and I wanted to clean up my act. A great quote from Confucius helped inspire my new mode of speech.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Here are a couple of helpful hints about “right speech” taken from the “Speak No Evil” chapter of my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.
•Don’t gossip about others. Think about the effect your words can have before they leave your mouth. Before you speak, imagine the person you are talking about is standing right next to you listening to what you have to say. If you wouldn’t have the courage to say it to their face, or would be embarrassed for them to hear your opinion, don’t say it.
•Be mindful of your intention when you speak or act. Ask yourself if your intention is to be kind or mean. Before you say something, imagine someone said the same thing about you. Would you find this information helpful or hurtful? If you wouldn’t feel good hearing it, they probably won’t either. However, if there is something important that needs to be said, try communicating in a compassionate, not authoritarian, manner.
Sometimes it helps to use the “erase and replace” method. Take the offending word, thought or action and replace it with something kinder. This will take some resolve and some ingenuity, but you can do it. Anyone can flip a bird at a rude driver. That’s an automatic response. Why not use the situation as an opportunity to curse in pig latin?
Here’s another example. One day while my spouse, CB, and I were on a walk, we stepped in doggy do. Rather than get angry and yell the four letter word that instantly comes to mind, we tried to think of how many synonyms we could come up with to substitute for the word sh**. We came up with 16 (without the aid of a thesaurus). More importantly, we started laughing and enjoyed the rest of our walk .
Which brings me back to the present. Not gossiping and using diplomacy are two methods of “right speech” that I’ve worked hard to incorporate into my life. However, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to totally eliminate my clever responses. Not one to concede defeat easily, I put on my thinking cap and came up with a solution. I save my witty repartee and use it as snappy dialogue for the characters in my screenplays.
And a funny thing happened. My efforts have paid off. My scripts have won several awards and I’ve received a lot of praise for my clever dialogue. However, if you ask folks who know me what words they want to hear the most from me, they will tell you words of kindness. Not one person has asked me to go back to being a smart aleck.
I guess Mignon McLauglin’s quote says it best. “Don't be yourself - be someone a little nicer.”
I never officially went into smart aleck recovery, but I’ve more or less reformed my sarcastic ways. When someone says something unkind, the synapses in my brain may emit a fiery thought or two, but I try to use restraint before it erupts into a verbal explosion. In my youth I wasn’t as quick on my feet when the attack was directed at me, but if someone said something nasty to a friend or family member I could launch some zingers that could cut someone off at the knees.
Nearly 20 years ago (when wearing a bicycle helmet was more the exception than the rule) my daughter, Alicia, donned a helmet and pedaled off to junior high. Naturally some rude kid gave her a hard time about wearing it. My instant reaction was to say to the kid, “If I had your brain I wouldn’t worry about wearing a helmet either, but Alicia, unlike you, has something of value between her ears.” Now I just thought this. I didn’t say it. But if I’d seen that rotten kid that would probably have been the nicest thing I said to him.
Of course not all of my put downs were so mean-spirited. Some were more humorous than caustic. However, when I was in my 30s I enrolled in a World Religions class at Scottsdale Community College. I was especially interested in the chapter about Buddhism and decided to follow the example of employing “right speech” and keep the sarcasm at bay.
This was not easy for me. I had spent a lot of my life making smart aleck statements and my ability to emit witty retorts and I felt this skill was one of my finest attributes. However, I knew these comebacks created negative karma and I wanted to clean up my act. A great quote from Confucius helped inspire my new mode of speech.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Here are a couple of helpful hints about “right speech” taken from the “Speak No Evil” chapter of my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.
•Don’t gossip about others. Think about the effect your words can have before they leave your mouth. Before you speak, imagine the person you are talking about is standing right next to you listening to what you have to say. If you wouldn’t have the courage to say it to their face, or would be embarrassed for them to hear your opinion, don’t say it.
•Be mindful of your intention when you speak or act. Ask yourself if your intention is to be kind or mean. Before you say something, imagine someone said the same thing about you. Would you find this information helpful or hurtful? If you wouldn’t feel good hearing it, they probably won’t either. However, if there is something important that needs to be said, try communicating in a compassionate, not authoritarian, manner.
Sometimes it helps to use the “erase and replace” method. Take the offending word, thought or action and replace it with something kinder. This will take some resolve and some ingenuity, but you can do it. Anyone can flip a bird at a rude driver. That’s an automatic response. Why not use the situation as an opportunity to curse in pig latin?
Here’s another example. One day while my spouse, CB, and I were on a walk, we stepped in doggy do. Rather than get angry and yell the four letter word that instantly comes to mind, we tried to think of how many synonyms we could come up with to substitute for the word sh**. We came up with 16 (without the aid of a thesaurus). More importantly, we started laughing and enjoyed the rest of our walk .
Which brings me back to the present. Not gossiping and using diplomacy are two methods of “right speech” that I’ve worked hard to incorporate into my life. However, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to totally eliminate my clever responses. Not one to concede defeat easily, I put on my thinking cap and came up with a solution. I save my witty repartee and use it as snappy dialogue for the characters in my screenplays.
And a funny thing happened. My efforts have paid off. My scripts have won several awards and I’ve received a lot of praise for my clever dialogue. However, if you ask folks who know me what words they want to hear the most from me, they will tell you words of kindness. Not one person has asked me to go back to being a smart aleck.
I guess Mignon McLauglin’s quote says it best. “Don't be yourself - be someone a little nicer.”
Monday, June 6, 2011
Enjoying Tweets Not Twitter
I need to get out more often. I’m a social animal, but it seems like I spend more time with my computer than among the living. That is why it was a treat to come to Red Bluff, California over the recent Memorial Day holiday.
I launched my Northern California book tour and Red Bluff was my second stop. I gave a talk and book signing at Crystal Art & Apparel. Wilma, the owner, organized a wonderful affair, the Red Bluff Daily News ran a press release about the event and the nearby Redding Record Searchlight ran a ¾ -page article on the front page of the Community Section.
As a public relations professional (my day job), free media exposure is my life’s blood. However, the real thrill was being able to talk about my passion of helping people erase negativity. Of course it is also the theme of our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, written by me and my friend and co-author, Jacqueline Howard. By the end of the evening, everyone in the audience bought copies of the book. Some folks bought two books!
Even though I’m comfortable lecturing, I prefer to conduct my talks as a round-table discussion. I believe everyone gets more out of the event if they are an active participant. I learned on the site, The Learning Pyramid, that folks only retain 5% of what they learn from a lecture, but that number increases to 50% when they are engaged in a group discussion. Hopefully these folks will practice what they heard and enhance their retention increase to 75%. Best of all is when they teach someone else what they were taught and use it immediately. At that point the retention reaches a whopping 90%! If more folks do this and learn to erase negativity and teach others about the process, I believe we will see some truly optimistic results!
Since I was out of town, my preparation for this talk was a bit unusual. I decided to walk down a trail leading to the Sacramento River. Since I didn’t have the typical distractions that I have at home, I was able to focus on my surroundings. I did think a little about the talk and the content I wanted to present, but mostly I enjoyed the trees, wildflowers and greenery. Rather than my pre-talk tweeting on twitter, I listened to the chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves on the trees.
During this outdoor excursion I let my soul become immersed in the beauty of the surroundings. Rather than rehearse a speech, I decided to refresh my spirit so I could be totally present to the group. I know my topic, so I wasn’t worried that I’d forget anything important or become speechless. I wanted a little spontaneity regarding the direction the talk would take and the flexibility to change course if necessary. There is no way I could know this until I met my audience.
When I’m in a group where there is an exchange of ideas, I feel rejuvenated. I hope (and believe) the Red Bluff audience felt the same way. By the end of the evening when we formally ended the discussion and went on to bigger and better things (eating the delicious food Wilma had prepared) I felt like I was chatting with old friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe speakers should be prepared. I don’t think folks should just “wing it” and not have any regard to the ideas they wish to convey. However, in my case, my message was all about erasing negativity and embracing the magic within. How could I authentically express this concept if I spent more time on how to turn a phrase rather than appreciating the beauty of my environment?
I recently read a sentence in a book that said, “Everything goes back to the beginning.” The same is true with this little story. I feel more like a “human being” rather than a “human doing” when I take the time to enjoy my surroundings and allow a flow of dialogue rather than rehearse a canned speech. Like I said before, “I really need to get out more often.”
I launched my Northern California book tour and Red Bluff was my second stop. I gave a talk and book signing at Crystal Art & Apparel. Wilma, the owner, organized a wonderful affair, the Red Bluff Daily News ran a press release about the event and the nearby Redding Record Searchlight ran a ¾ -page article on the front page of the Community Section.
As a public relations professional (my day job), free media exposure is my life’s blood. However, the real thrill was being able to talk about my passion of helping people erase negativity. Of course it is also the theme of our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, written by me and my friend and co-author, Jacqueline Howard. By the end of the evening, everyone in the audience bought copies of the book. Some folks bought two books!
Even though I’m comfortable lecturing, I prefer to conduct my talks as a round-table discussion. I believe everyone gets more out of the event if they are an active participant. I learned on the site, The Learning Pyramid, that folks only retain 5% of what they learn from a lecture, but that number increases to 50% when they are engaged in a group discussion. Hopefully these folks will practice what they heard and enhance their retention increase to 75%. Best of all is when they teach someone else what they were taught and use it immediately. At that point the retention reaches a whopping 90%! If more folks do this and learn to erase negativity and teach others about the process, I believe we will see some truly optimistic results!
Since I was out of town, my preparation for this talk was a bit unusual. I decided to walk down a trail leading to the Sacramento River. Since I didn’t have the typical distractions that I have at home, I was able to focus on my surroundings. I did think a little about the talk and the content I wanted to present, but mostly I enjoyed the trees, wildflowers and greenery. Rather than my pre-talk tweeting on twitter, I listened to the chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves on the trees.
During this outdoor excursion I let my soul become immersed in the beauty of the surroundings. Rather than rehearse a speech, I decided to refresh my spirit so I could be totally present to the group. I know my topic, so I wasn’t worried that I’d forget anything important or become speechless. I wanted a little spontaneity regarding the direction the talk would take and the flexibility to change course if necessary. There is no way I could know this until I met my audience.
When I’m in a group where there is an exchange of ideas, I feel rejuvenated. I hope (and believe) the Red Bluff audience felt the same way. By the end of the evening when we formally ended the discussion and went on to bigger and better things (eating the delicious food Wilma had prepared) I felt like I was chatting with old friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe speakers should be prepared. I don’t think folks should just “wing it” and not have any regard to the ideas they wish to convey. However, in my case, my message was all about erasing negativity and embracing the magic within. How could I authentically express this concept if I spent more time on how to turn a phrase rather than appreciating the beauty of my environment?
I recently read a sentence in a book that said, “Everything goes back to the beginning.” The same is true with this little story. I feel more like a “human being” rather than a “human doing” when I take the time to enjoy my surroundings and allow a flow of dialogue rather than rehearse a canned speech. Like I said before, “I really need to get out more often.”
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Great Eggspectations
Today is Easter. My sister, Tina, had the family over for a delicious lunch. Easter wasn’t always an annual gathering, but now that we are older we find more reasons to get together. It’s’ fun to see a new generation enjoy the holiday. My granddaughter, Rosannah, age 3 and her 22-month-old sister Briannah enjoyed their Easter baskets and the search for colored eggs.
My great nephew, Thomas, who is only 3 ½ months wasn’t so sure what to think of the folks at this gathering. His apprehension will dissipate with time, or grow exponentially when he realizes these strange folks share some of his DNA.
Thomas seemed to enjoy looking at his two great toddler cousins who sat in front of his baby seat and gazed at him in amazement. I’m sure it was somewhat comforting to see other little people who were more his size. However, little Thomas has no need to be worried. We’re a height-challenged family so he’ll probably tower over us before he starts kindergarten.
Part of the fun of Easter is the delight children have finding Easter eggs. Each discovery is the source of great excitement. In Rosannah’s world, everything is an adventure. Briannah wasn’t as thrilled with the egg hunt, but took advantage of the game to sneak rolls from the table and stuff them in her mouth. Everyone’s treasure is different.
The point is, at some point in our lives we lose this child-like wonder where miracles happen, to expecting the worst out of life. When I’m interviewed about our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I often say I think the worst thing that can happen to anyone is to lose hope. That is why my friend and co-author, Jackie, wrote the book. We wanted to help people erase the negativity staining their lives and provide tips to help them enjoy life again – perhaps like we did when we were children and still believed in the Easter Bunny. Here is an excerpt from the book to help you on your journey.
Getting Started
To begin with, you must be ready to do the work. If you cannot, then try again a few days, weeks, or months later. Even small steps can be beneficial. The payoff is that once you can make the commitment to try, you will experience a subtle change in your mindset. In time your new outlook will have an enormous impact in your life, as well as your environment.
Rather than turning your focus on fixing someone else, you must look inward. This is not only limited to behaviors, but how you perceive yourself. You’ve heard it a million times, but it really is true. You need to learn to love yourself. You may think you do, but look at your words and actions. How do you treat yourself? Do you say negative things about how you look, act and think?
It is essential that you stop all critical self talk. Self negativity puts a grinding halt to success and happiness. Every time you say a disparaging remark about yourself your subconscious soaks it up like a sponge. Your brain cannot distinguish between self ridicule and an offhand “I was just kidding” remark. Whatever you say or think, the brain just takes it in. It’s a big “yes” machine. If you say, “I’m stupid,” it writes the “Yes, I’m stupid, program.” If you declare, “I will never be happy,” the message becomes fact and you will never be happy. The irony is that it isn’t your enemies who fling the majority of these toxic statements about. You do it to yourself.
If you had a magic genie that would give you what you want, what would you wish for? Would your wish be a bad marriage, constant pain and a cruel boss? Of course not! Then why give those messages to yourself?
Your wishes, good, bad or indifferent, become your brain’s programming. So why not try for something that will bring you joy? That does not mean that everything wonderful you wish for will instantly become reality. But if you surround yourself with positive thoughts and begin a course of action to achieve the things you want in life, you will move your life in a happier direction.
Please remember, nothing happens overnight. Erasing negativity takes effort, but the rewards are tremendous. So try to begin the process by shifting your focus on what is wrong to what is right about your life. Pardon the Easter pun but it all starts with great eggspectations. Happy hunting.
My great nephew, Thomas, who is only 3 ½ months wasn’t so sure what to think of the folks at this gathering. His apprehension will dissipate with time, or grow exponentially when he realizes these strange folks share some of his DNA.
Thomas seemed to enjoy looking at his two great toddler cousins who sat in front of his baby seat and gazed at him in amazement. I’m sure it was somewhat comforting to see other little people who were more his size. However, little Thomas has no need to be worried. We’re a height-challenged family so he’ll probably tower over us before he starts kindergarten.
Part of the fun of Easter is the delight children have finding Easter eggs. Each discovery is the source of great excitement. In Rosannah’s world, everything is an adventure. Briannah wasn’t as thrilled with the egg hunt, but took advantage of the game to sneak rolls from the table and stuff them in her mouth. Everyone’s treasure is different.
The point is, at some point in our lives we lose this child-like wonder where miracles happen, to expecting the worst out of life. When I’m interviewed about our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I often say I think the worst thing that can happen to anyone is to lose hope. That is why my friend and co-author, Jackie, wrote the book. We wanted to help people erase the negativity staining their lives and provide tips to help them enjoy life again – perhaps like we did when we were children and still believed in the Easter Bunny. Here is an excerpt from the book to help you on your journey.
Getting Started
To begin with, you must be ready to do the work. If you cannot, then try again a few days, weeks, or months later. Even small steps can be beneficial. The payoff is that once you can make the commitment to try, you will experience a subtle change in your mindset. In time your new outlook will have an enormous impact in your life, as well as your environment.
Rather than turning your focus on fixing someone else, you must look inward. This is not only limited to behaviors, but how you perceive yourself. You’ve heard it a million times, but it really is true. You need to learn to love yourself. You may think you do, but look at your words and actions. How do you treat yourself? Do you say negative things about how you look, act and think?
It is essential that you stop all critical self talk. Self negativity puts a grinding halt to success and happiness. Every time you say a disparaging remark about yourself your subconscious soaks it up like a sponge. Your brain cannot distinguish between self ridicule and an offhand “I was just kidding” remark. Whatever you say or think, the brain just takes it in. It’s a big “yes” machine. If you say, “I’m stupid,” it writes the “Yes, I’m stupid, program.” If you declare, “I will never be happy,” the message becomes fact and you will never be happy. The irony is that it isn’t your enemies who fling the majority of these toxic statements about. You do it to yourself.
If you had a magic genie that would give you what you want, what would you wish for? Would your wish be a bad marriage, constant pain and a cruel boss? Of course not! Then why give those messages to yourself?
Your wishes, good, bad or indifferent, become your brain’s programming. So why not try for something that will bring you joy? That does not mean that everything wonderful you wish for will instantly become reality. But if you surround yourself with positive thoughts and begin a course of action to achieve the things you want in life, you will move your life in a happier direction.
Please remember, nothing happens overnight. Erasing negativity takes effort, but the rewards are tremendous. So try to begin the process by shifting your focus on what is wrong to what is right about your life. Pardon the Easter pun but it all starts with great eggspectations. Happy hunting.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Story of the Ham
Have you attempted to break family patterns (like improving yourself by going to college) and met with resistance? Perhaps you developed an innovative approach to solve a problem at work only to be told “That’s not how we do things here.” If so, don’t despair. Here is a little story in honor of Easter to help shine a new perspective on old habits. It’s taken from our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. In honor of Easter, anyone who contacts me directly through the blog or my website, www.erasenegativity.com before the end of April 2011 and orders the book will receive free shipping and handling.
It was Easter and four generations of the Smith family were preparing for a holiday feast. Emily, a young bride, carefully watched her mother as she pulled out all the utensils and ingredients for the special meal. Emily knew that one day it would be her turn to prepare the feast, and when she did, she wanted everything to be perfect. Emily’s mom plopped the ham on a cutting board, slicing off the front and hind portions of the ham before putting it into a roasting pan.
“Why do you cut off the ends like that?” Emily asked, expecting some culinary insight.
The mother crinkled her eyebrows in thought and put the knife down.
“I don’t know. I guess because that’s how mama always did it,” the mother answered. Emily thought about the response, but she seemed unsatisfied.
“Grandma’s here. Maybe we should ask her,” suggested Emily. Emily’s mother nodded okay, and the two women walked into the dining room where Grandma was setting the table.
“Mom is showing me how to cook the ham and I was wondering why you cut the ends off,” began Emily. “She said that’s how you always did it, so she did the same.”
Grandma adjusted the silverware next to her best china, wiped her hands on her apron, and thought a moment.
“You know, I never really thought about it,” she answered. “That’s how your great grandma always did it, so that’s the way it’s always been done.”
At that moment, Emily’s brother wheeled Great Grandma Smith into the house. Emily, her mother and her grandmother walked over to the matriarch, gave her a kiss on the cheek and wheeled her next to the dining room table. Emily patted her great granny on the arm and bent next to her so she could hear her question.
Mom, grandma and I were in the kitchen getting ready to cook the ham and we had a question. Why do you sliced off the ends of the ham before you put it in the roasting pan.”
“Hmph,” snorted the old woman. “I cut off the ends of it because my dang roasting pan was too small.”
It was Easter and four generations of the Smith family were preparing for a holiday feast. Emily, a young bride, carefully watched her mother as she pulled out all the utensils and ingredients for the special meal. Emily knew that one day it would be her turn to prepare the feast, and when she did, she wanted everything to be perfect. Emily’s mom plopped the ham on a cutting board, slicing off the front and hind portions of the ham before putting it into a roasting pan.
“Why do you cut off the ends like that?” Emily asked, expecting some culinary insight.
The mother crinkled her eyebrows in thought and put the knife down.
“I don’t know. I guess because that’s how mama always did it,” the mother answered. Emily thought about the response, but she seemed unsatisfied.
“Grandma’s here. Maybe we should ask her,” suggested Emily. Emily’s mother nodded okay, and the two women walked into the dining room where Grandma was setting the table.
“Mom is showing me how to cook the ham and I was wondering why you cut the ends off,” began Emily. “She said that’s how you always did it, so she did the same.”
Grandma adjusted the silverware next to her best china, wiped her hands on her apron, and thought a moment.
“You know, I never really thought about it,” she answered. “That’s how your great grandma always did it, so that’s the way it’s always been done.”
At that moment, Emily’s brother wheeled Great Grandma Smith into the house. Emily, her mother and her grandmother walked over to the matriarch, gave her a kiss on the cheek and wheeled her next to the dining room table. Emily patted her great granny on the arm and bent next to her so she could hear her question.
Mom, grandma and I were in the kitchen getting ready to cook the ham and we had a question. Why do you sliced off the ends of the ham before you put it in the roasting pan.”
“Hmph,” snorted the old woman. “I cut off the ends of it because my dang roasting pan was too small.”
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Student of Happiness
I returned to my alma mater today. I gave my spouse, CB, a ride to school. Instead of grabbing a cup of coffee, I chose to hang out near the music building and use the venue to write. I spend a lot of time in my home office, so sometimes it’s helpful to have a change of scenery.
I graduated from community college in 1985. It was an 11-year process for me to earn a two-year degree. I’m sure many folks thought I’d never finish. But, if I am anything, I am persistent. Once I moved on to Arizona State University it took me three more years to earn my Bachelor's degree in journalism. In total, it took me 14 years to earn a four-year degree. However, in my defense, I gave birth to both of my daughters, worked part time and still kept up with my responsibilities of being a wife, parent and volunteer.
If I had gone to school full time during that period and concentrated on medicine, I could have done something more prestigious, like become an orthopedic surgeon. Instead of wielding a scalpel, I have a pen and computer. I do not have a MD after my name, but I am a healer of sorts. That is why I decided to co-write the self-help book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. My co-author, Jackie, and I saw people in pain and we decided to do something to help.
It all started when Jackie and I were discussing some of our favorite self-improvement books and how they had helped us. Then the conversation shifted to people we knew who were in terrible emotional pain and very negative because of it. We wondered, “What would it take to help someone like that?” We brainstormed and decided that there needed to be some sort of primer, or “read this first” book that could help them erase their negativity. Then once they were no longer entrenched in negativity, they could go on and enjoy the optimistic messages in other books. Our thought was that if a person doesn’t erase their negativity first, any optimistic front would just fall apart.
I’ll be honest, sometimes ongoing education is a pain. After my marathon process to earn a Bachelor’s degree, it was years before I wanted to park my butt on one of those uncomfortable little wooden desks and listen to a lecture again. But I did. I also learn in other ways such as webinars, reading, attending lectures etc. Like it or not, we are always learning new things. Sometimes we continue the educational process by replaying old, negative messages about our past. That is about as useful as studying for a urine test. But I digress.
Whether or not you are in a classroom, learning is a life-long process. For instance, Jackie and I chose to focus our energy on the topic of erasing negativity. Why? Because negativity is a killer of happiness, a robber of the spirit and the best friend of despair. No one is born negative (although I’ve met some crabby babies.) Pessimism is a habit we learned. The good news is we can take steps to erase negative thoughts, speech and actions and concentrate on replacing those nasty tendencies and replace it with more empowering alternatives.
That is why I’m reaching out to individuals to offer a free, 30-minute phone consultation to the first five individuals who qualify for this offer (yes I make you fill out a form, but it is not a big deal.) Please contact me through my blog, www.erasenegativity.blogspot.com, website, www.erasenegativity.com or email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know if you are interested.
Forget about the old cliché about you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. There is no time like the present to begin a new journey toward a happier, magical life. I look forward to hearing from you. Now go home. Class dismissed.
I graduated from community college in 1985. It was an 11-year process for me to earn a two-year degree. I’m sure many folks thought I’d never finish. But, if I am anything, I am persistent. Once I moved on to Arizona State University it took me three more years to earn my Bachelor's degree in journalism. In total, it took me 14 years to earn a four-year degree. However, in my defense, I gave birth to both of my daughters, worked part time and still kept up with my responsibilities of being a wife, parent and volunteer.
If I had gone to school full time during that period and concentrated on medicine, I could have done something more prestigious, like become an orthopedic surgeon. Instead of wielding a scalpel, I have a pen and computer. I do not have a MD after my name, but I am a healer of sorts. That is why I decided to co-write the self-help book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. My co-author, Jackie, and I saw people in pain and we decided to do something to help.
It all started when Jackie and I were discussing some of our favorite self-improvement books and how they had helped us. Then the conversation shifted to people we knew who were in terrible emotional pain and very negative because of it. We wondered, “What would it take to help someone like that?” We brainstormed and decided that there needed to be some sort of primer, or “read this first” book that could help them erase their negativity. Then once they were no longer entrenched in negativity, they could go on and enjoy the optimistic messages in other books. Our thought was that if a person doesn’t erase their negativity first, any optimistic front would just fall apart.
I’ll be honest, sometimes ongoing education is a pain. After my marathon process to earn a Bachelor’s degree, it was years before I wanted to park my butt on one of those uncomfortable little wooden desks and listen to a lecture again. But I did. I also learn in other ways such as webinars, reading, attending lectures etc. Like it or not, we are always learning new things. Sometimes we continue the educational process by replaying old, negative messages about our past. That is about as useful as studying for a urine test. But I digress.
Whether or not you are in a classroom, learning is a life-long process. For instance, Jackie and I chose to focus our energy on the topic of erasing negativity. Why? Because negativity is a killer of happiness, a robber of the spirit and the best friend of despair. No one is born negative (although I’ve met some crabby babies.) Pessimism is a habit we learned. The good news is we can take steps to erase negative thoughts, speech and actions and concentrate on replacing those nasty tendencies and replace it with more empowering alternatives.
That is why I’m reaching out to individuals to offer a free, 30-minute phone consultation to the first five individuals who qualify for this offer (yes I make you fill out a form, but it is not a big deal.) Please contact me through my blog, www.erasenegativity.blogspot.com, website, www.erasenegativity.com or email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know if you are interested.
Forget about the old cliché about you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. There is no time like the present to begin a new journey toward a happier, magical life. I look forward to hearing from you. Now go home. Class dismissed.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Where Seldom is Heard a Discouraging Word
My senior women’s softball team, The Stingers, scored another victory over the weekend. I was especially happy because it was the first time my daughter, Alicia, and my two granddaughters, Rosannah and Briannah, watched me play.
Rosannah, who is three years old, seemed thrilled to see so many women wear the same shirt they have seen grandma wear. It’s bright yellow and has a bee with a softball bat in its hands. Rosannah knows the bug is a bee. Little Briannah, who is 20 months, insists the bee is a flower. Disagreeing with her is like arguing with an umpire, so I just nod and smile when she points to the little buzzer and says “flower.” I know for sure she doesn’t think I smell like a flower, particularly after a game. But I digress.
Rosannah is a very good mimic. I encouraged her to say “Go Jo!” when our third baseman went out to the field. She gave a shyer “Yeah Sue” to another teammate and “Hit it hard Betty” when Betty, our 82-year-old right fielder was up to bat. After a great defensive inning, I ran in from left field and heard Rosannah say, “Go Stingers!”
I think it was one of the best games our team has played. Our infield managed two double plays. The pitching and catching combo performed like a well-oiled machine, and the outfielders made some terrific catches. Even when our opponents hit the ball so hard that this old grandma had to chase the ball to the fence, I managed to get the ball to our rover, Karen, who made a fantastic throw and threw the batter out at home plate. Everyone, and I mean everyone, played an awesome game.
We don’t get a lot of fans at our games and it is always fun when we do. I can’t say that we won because my family was there, but it didn’t hurt. I think it is especially nice to hear someone sing our praises, even if it’s shouted by a tyke who still wears a diaper.
The Stingers have some of the most supportive women in the league. Our star players not only help their own teammates, they coach players for the Senior Olympics. Many of the women who receive this sage advice play on opposing teams. More than once a formerly weak batter has gained knowledge from a Stinger, then went on to use their new skills and sting us with a well hit ball over our heads! However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that we love to see all the women succeed and improve.
Which brings me back to the point I’m going to make, which, of course, has to be a plug for my book. This is MY blog after all. In my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, we put a lot of emphasis on erasing negative thoughts, speech and actions and replacing it with more empowering alternatives. For instance, rather than self-punishing thoughts such as “I’m too fat,” when you gain a little extra weight, why not say, “I love how I feel when I make healthy choices?” Eventually the brain gets the message and our behavior will match our kinder thoughts and words.
That is not to say that there aren’t times when we have to give, or swallow, constructive criticism. If we want to improve, we have to be open to helpful advice. When you are the one offering suggestions, it is best to come from a place of compassion, not arrogance. When you are on the receiving end, it is best to remember the advice is meant to help, not hurt. If the person IS trying to hurt you, it is best to remember that their cruel intent is a reflection of their insecurity, and let it fall away like water off a duck’s back.
While criticism is sometimes necessary, words of praise and support are always welcome. Whether it’s an encouraging word from a seasoned ballplayer, or a toddler who likes to parrot her grandma’s suggestions, people blossom with praise. Wait a minute, I just had a thought. People BLOSSOM with praise. Little Briannah always points to the bee on my uniform and insists it’s a flower. A flower is a type of blossom. Maybe she has been trying to deliver a deeper message than I previously thought.
Whether my granddaughter is a wise philosopher, or just fueled an interesting idea, here is my parting lyrics you can sing to the tune from Home on the Range.
“Oh give me a home, where the old ladies roam, and the Stingers and another team play. Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word, cuz our hearing aids aren’t turned up all the way. Home, home on the field. Where strong bats and good thoughts anneal. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, cuz praise makes us happy all day.”
Rosannah, who is three years old, seemed thrilled to see so many women wear the same shirt they have seen grandma wear. It’s bright yellow and has a bee with a softball bat in its hands. Rosannah knows the bug is a bee. Little Briannah, who is 20 months, insists the bee is a flower. Disagreeing with her is like arguing with an umpire, so I just nod and smile when she points to the little buzzer and says “flower.” I know for sure she doesn’t think I smell like a flower, particularly after a game. But I digress.
Rosannah is a very good mimic. I encouraged her to say “Go Jo!” when our third baseman went out to the field. She gave a shyer “Yeah Sue” to another teammate and “Hit it hard Betty” when Betty, our 82-year-old right fielder was up to bat. After a great defensive inning, I ran in from left field and heard Rosannah say, “Go Stingers!”
I think it was one of the best games our team has played. Our infield managed two double plays. The pitching and catching combo performed like a well-oiled machine, and the outfielders made some terrific catches. Even when our opponents hit the ball so hard that this old grandma had to chase the ball to the fence, I managed to get the ball to our rover, Karen, who made a fantastic throw and threw the batter out at home plate. Everyone, and I mean everyone, played an awesome game.
We don’t get a lot of fans at our games and it is always fun when we do. I can’t say that we won because my family was there, but it didn’t hurt. I think it is especially nice to hear someone sing our praises, even if it’s shouted by a tyke who still wears a diaper.
The Stingers have some of the most supportive women in the league. Our star players not only help their own teammates, they coach players for the Senior Olympics. Many of the women who receive this sage advice play on opposing teams. More than once a formerly weak batter has gained knowledge from a Stinger, then went on to use their new skills and sting us with a well hit ball over our heads! However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that we love to see all the women succeed and improve.
Which brings me back to the point I’m going to make, which, of course, has to be a plug for my book. This is MY blog after all. In my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, we put a lot of emphasis on erasing negative thoughts, speech and actions and replacing it with more empowering alternatives. For instance, rather than self-punishing thoughts such as “I’m too fat,” when you gain a little extra weight, why not say, “I love how I feel when I make healthy choices?” Eventually the brain gets the message and our behavior will match our kinder thoughts and words.
That is not to say that there aren’t times when we have to give, or swallow, constructive criticism. If we want to improve, we have to be open to helpful advice. When you are the one offering suggestions, it is best to come from a place of compassion, not arrogance. When you are on the receiving end, it is best to remember the advice is meant to help, not hurt. If the person IS trying to hurt you, it is best to remember that their cruel intent is a reflection of their insecurity, and let it fall away like water off a duck’s back.
While criticism is sometimes necessary, words of praise and support are always welcome. Whether it’s an encouraging word from a seasoned ballplayer, or a toddler who likes to parrot her grandma’s suggestions, people blossom with praise. Wait a minute, I just had a thought. People BLOSSOM with praise. Little Briannah always points to the bee on my uniform and insists it’s a flower. A flower is a type of blossom. Maybe she has been trying to deliver a deeper message than I previously thought.
Whether my granddaughter is a wise philosopher, or just fueled an interesting idea, here is my parting lyrics you can sing to the tune from Home on the Range.
“Oh give me a home, where the old ladies roam, and the Stingers and another team play. Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word, cuz our hearing aids aren’t turned up all the way. Home, home on the field. Where strong bats and good thoughts anneal. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, cuz praise makes us happy all day.”
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Root, Root, Rooting for the Home Team Gal
I was a happy, little ballplayer the other day. I hit the game-winning run in softball on Valentine’s Day. My team, the mighty Stingers, edged out the Fountain of the Sun team 7 to 6. While this may not seem like a news story worthy of ESPN, it was a big deal to me, and of course to my team.
We had a healthy advantage throughout the game, but our opponents chipped away at our lead until they had a breakthrough inning and scored enough runs to tie the game. The bottom of our batting order took up the challenge. Carol got a hit, followed by Deanna. Connie, who bats last in the lineup, smacked a nice shot and her pinch runner, Carla was safe at first. Now there were loaded bases and two outs.
I came up to bat and knew the pressure was on. I do my best when there are no runners on base. I play on a senior women’s team (for ladies 50 years and older) and a lot of the women cannot run that well due to past injuries. I can usually trot down to first base in a timely manner (especially when my teammate Karen screams “RUN!” like the fate of the world depended on it.) However, when there are runners on base I not only have to make sure that I get on, but that I don’t get the other runners out.
I walked up to the plate feigning more confidence than I felt. I generally take the first pitch to get a feel for things (and pray the pitcher will screw up and walk me.) Of course the pitcher’s first attempt was right across the plate. Darn. Then she tossed a couple of balls. The next pitch looked inside, but it wasn’t. Another strike. Now the count was 2 and 2. My hopes of walking and letting one of the stronger batters in the lineup take my place was quickly evaporating. When I have two strikes I’ll usually swing at anything that isn’t rolling on the ground or sailing over the backstop. She pitched the ball and I hit it. I took off to first base. I didn’t even stop to see where the ball went (it’s a bad habit I’m trying to break.) I got to first base and Shirley, the first base coach, gave me a congratulatory hand slap and said the game was won.
It was an important victory for the team as we had not been doing so well. We beat the team with the worst record the game before, but prior to that we had lost 9 straight games. Ouch. Unfortunately I was not able to bask in glory during the post game celebration as I had to pick up my spouse, CB, from the airport. However, our team manager and star player, Mary Lou, gave me a victory sucker (the candy type.)
So why am I telling you this story? Although I am happy to have come through for my team, the real message is about perseverance. I have never been, nor am I now, a great ball player. However, I do try to focus, give it my best, and make efforts to improve. At an age when a lot of folks would hang up their glove and move to safer past times, I am determined to succeed where I failed in my youth.
The same is true of the negative mindset I adopted for far too many years. I not only chose to reprogram my thinking, I decided to write about it. While co-authoring the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I interviewed several people who faced adversity and overcame it. The stakes were a lot higher than a recreational softball game. Some folks were abused, or abused themselves, businesses went bankrupt and other businesses were rebuilt. One mother dealt with the death of her only son, and a daughter tried to overcome the tragedy of her mother’s murder.
The book is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.
Life is not about winning all the time. It’s about getting up after you’re down and trying again. So if you, or someone you care about needs some help erasing negativity, please visit www.erasenegativity.com. If you email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know you read this blog, I’ll even autograph the book and throw in free shipping as a bonus. I want to help others, but it still makes me feel good to know there are folks out there who read my articles and are rooting for my success as well.
We had a healthy advantage throughout the game, but our opponents chipped away at our lead until they had a breakthrough inning and scored enough runs to tie the game. The bottom of our batting order took up the challenge. Carol got a hit, followed by Deanna. Connie, who bats last in the lineup, smacked a nice shot and her pinch runner, Carla was safe at first. Now there were loaded bases and two outs.
I came up to bat and knew the pressure was on. I do my best when there are no runners on base. I play on a senior women’s team (for ladies 50 years and older) and a lot of the women cannot run that well due to past injuries. I can usually trot down to first base in a timely manner (especially when my teammate Karen screams “RUN!” like the fate of the world depended on it.) However, when there are runners on base I not only have to make sure that I get on, but that I don’t get the other runners out.
I walked up to the plate feigning more confidence than I felt. I generally take the first pitch to get a feel for things (and pray the pitcher will screw up and walk me.) Of course the pitcher’s first attempt was right across the plate. Darn. Then she tossed a couple of balls. The next pitch looked inside, but it wasn’t. Another strike. Now the count was 2 and 2. My hopes of walking and letting one of the stronger batters in the lineup take my place was quickly evaporating. When I have two strikes I’ll usually swing at anything that isn’t rolling on the ground or sailing over the backstop. She pitched the ball and I hit it. I took off to first base. I didn’t even stop to see where the ball went (it’s a bad habit I’m trying to break.) I got to first base and Shirley, the first base coach, gave me a congratulatory hand slap and said the game was won.
It was an important victory for the team as we had not been doing so well. We beat the team with the worst record the game before, but prior to that we had lost 9 straight games. Ouch. Unfortunately I was not able to bask in glory during the post game celebration as I had to pick up my spouse, CB, from the airport. However, our team manager and star player, Mary Lou, gave me a victory sucker (the candy type.)
So why am I telling you this story? Although I am happy to have come through for my team, the real message is about perseverance. I have never been, nor am I now, a great ball player. However, I do try to focus, give it my best, and make efforts to improve. At an age when a lot of folks would hang up their glove and move to safer past times, I am determined to succeed where I failed in my youth.
The same is true of the negative mindset I adopted for far too many years. I not only chose to reprogram my thinking, I decided to write about it. While co-authoring the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I interviewed several people who faced adversity and overcame it. The stakes were a lot higher than a recreational softball game. Some folks were abused, or abused themselves, businesses went bankrupt and other businesses were rebuilt. One mother dealt with the death of her only son, and a daughter tried to overcome the tragedy of her mother’s murder.
The book is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.
Life is not about winning all the time. It’s about getting up after you’re down and trying again. So if you, or someone you care about needs some help erasing negativity, please visit www.erasenegativity.com. If you email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know you read this blog, I’ll even autograph the book and throw in free shipping as a bonus. I want to help others, but it still makes me feel good to know there are folks out there who read my articles and are rooting for my success as well.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Looking for a Bridge Over Troubled Waters
I was chatting with Kristen Tews on a recent radio interview of Personal Best (http://www.wkrs.com/ or set your radio dial to WKRS 1220 if you live in the Chicago area) and we discussed the importance of having good and supportive friends.
When we are facing difficulties, such as loss of a job, a natural tendency is to find someone to commiserate with. “Misery loves company” is not only an old saying, it seems that a lot of folks turn to this as deep wisdom. Unfortunately, that advice (for lack of a kinder word) sucks.
I would like to offer this analogy. If you abandoned a sinking ship and climbed aboard a life raft that was also sinking, are you going to swim to a life raft that also has a hole in it, or are you going to climb aboard one that is more seaworthy?
Negativity is like a cold – it’s contagious. When your mood is down it is best to find someone who will elevate your mood, not hold your hand while you sink to the bottom. While it can sometimes be comforting to know that others face similar problems, it is more productive to learn how someone who endured a similar problem and OVERCAME it.
In our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, the importance of mentors and good friends are key components in erasing negativity. Here is an excerpt on choosing good friends and mentors.
When evaluating friendships ask yourself the following questions:
“Does the person display good qualities such as honesty, integrity and consideration?”
“Are they selfish and self serving?”
All friendships experience a give and take of needs, but if you find you are the one doing all the giving, especially in the beginning of the friendship, it is best to step back and access the situation carefully. Often good-hearted individuals get sucked into an unhealthy alliance with a charismatic friend. Unfortunately, most of these individuals have learned to prey upon the kindness of others and are only interested in what they can take – be it time, money or favors. It is better to walk away from these people right away before you get emotionally involved.
“Do they talk critically about others behind their backs?” If so, chances are they will do the same about you.
“Are they cheerful or cynical?”
Not everyone can be genial all the time, but someone who is consistently cynical operates on a lower vibration energetically, and if you spend a great deal of time with them your mood will be affected.
“Are they trustworthy and loyal?”
Remember that one’s actions speak louder than words. If a person says they are loyal, but demonstrates qualities that show they are otherwise, consider the actions, not what they say as the true barometer of their character.
Tammy D’Antonio, one of the individuals interviewed in Chapter 4 of Erase Negativity, outlined the following goals to help improve her financial situation:
1.Set goals.
2.State your intention.
3.Take action.
4.Have faith.
5.Always keep moving.
6.Never be defeated.
7.Always strive for something bigger than you!
8.Have humility.
9.Love.
Rather than engaging in the “misery loves company” mindset, Tammy suggests the following to keep an optimistic and empowering viewpoint:
•Set goals, write them down and review them every day.
•Seek out positive role models.
•Substitute negative behavior (such as watching television or depressing movies) and replace it with a few minutes of reading motivational books, listening to motivational tapes, or attending inspirational meetings or events.
Additional tips can be found throughout Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. The bottom line is sympathy may seem comforting, but it is rarely the call to action that is needed to overcome difficulties. When I was a little girl and asked my father for sympathy (usually after a poor performance in sports) he’d always say, “You know where you’ll find sympathy in the dictionary? Between sh** and syphilis.”
Not exactly poetry, but dear old dad had a point. When you are in a sinking ship, don’t whine with the doomed, align yourself with those who have learned how to stay afloat. And once you have mastered that, be sure to be a lighthouse so you can guide others who are trying to find their way through troubled waters.
When we are facing difficulties, such as loss of a job, a natural tendency is to find someone to commiserate with. “Misery loves company” is not only an old saying, it seems that a lot of folks turn to this as deep wisdom. Unfortunately, that advice (for lack of a kinder word) sucks.
I would like to offer this analogy. If you abandoned a sinking ship and climbed aboard a life raft that was also sinking, are you going to swim to a life raft that also has a hole in it, or are you going to climb aboard one that is more seaworthy?
Negativity is like a cold – it’s contagious. When your mood is down it is best to find someone who will elevate your mood, not hold your hand while you sink to the bottom. While it can sometimes be comforting to know that others face similar problems, it is more productive to learn how someone who endured a similar problem and OVERCAME it.
In our book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, the importance of mentors and good friends are key components in erasing negativity. Here is an excerpt on choosing good friends and mentors.
When evaluating friendships ask yourself the following questions:
“Does the person display good qualities such as honesty, integrity and consideration?”
“Are they selfish and self serving?”
All friendships experience a give and take of needs, but if you find you are the one doing all the giving, especially in the beginning of the friendship, it is best to step back and access the situation carefully. Often good-hearted individuals get sucked into an unhealthy alliance with a charismatic friend. Unfortunately, most of these individuals have learned to prey upon the kindness of others and are only interested in what they can take – be it time, money or favors. It is better to walk away from these people right away before you get emotionally involved.
“Do they talk critically about others behind their backs?” If so, chances are they will do the same about you.
“Are they cheerful or cynical?”
Not everyone can be genial all the time, but someone who is consistently cynical operates on a lower vibration energetically, and if you spend a great deal of time with them your mood will be affected.
“Are they trustworthy and loyal?”
Remember that one’s actions speak louder than words. If a person says they are loyal, but demonstrates qualities that show they are otherwise, consider the actions, not what they say as the true barometer of their character.
Tammy D’Antonio, one of the individuals interviewed in Chapter 4 of Erase Negativity, outlined the following goals to help improve her financial situation:
1.Set goals.
2.State your intention.
3.Take action.
4.Have faith.
5.Always keep moving.
6.Never be defeated.
7.Always strive for something bigger than you!
8.Have humility.
9.Love.
Rather than engaging in the “misery loves company” mindset, Tammy suggests the following to keep an optimistic and empowering viewpoint:
•Set goals, write them down and review them every day.
•Seek out positive role models.
•Substitute negative behavior (such as watching television or depressing movies) and replace it with a few minutes of reading motivational books, listening to motivational tapes, or attending inspirational meetings or events.
Additional tips can be found throughout Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within. The bottom line is sympathy may seem comforting, but it is rarely the call to action that is needed to overcome difficulties. When I was a little girl and asked my father for sympathy (usually after a poor performance in sports) he’d always say, “You know where you’ll find sympathy in the dictionary? Between sh** and syphilis.”
Not exactly poetry, but dear old dad had a point. When you are in a sinking ship, don’t whine with the doomed, align yourself with those who have learned how to stay afloat. And once you have mastered that, be sure to be a lighthouse so you can guide others who are trying to find their way through troubled waters.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Attracting Meeyons!
I have been a student of the Law of Attraction for a few years now and it still astounds me how a small shift in thinking can have such dynamic results. I’ve been crazy busy trying to get the word out about my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, as well as get it into stores. There were times when I felt I was trying to open doors by pounding my head against them. It’s no wonder I have migraines.
I’ve sold and given away about as many of my books as I could to friends and family and now I’m faced with the fact that I now have to sell books to people who don’t know me. Of course this is going to be difficult. That is what everybody says, right? Even though I know the message in the book is desperately needed, there is that little nasty little insecure part of me that thinks the only people who will buy this book are people who feel obliged to do so because they know (or feel sorry) for me.
What a bunch of crap!
Most of the time I know better than this, but every once in a while my brain pulls out insecure garbage from the recesses of my brain and taunts me with old messages of unworthiness. In the past, I would listen to these messages. Heck, I invited them in and turned up the volume. I added new twists to my story of woe. It’s like watching the History Channel, except the history is my own short comings.
Now I change the channel and focus on more optimistic messages. And guess what? I’m being invited to speak to new audiences, stores are asking for my book, and perfect strangers are plunking down their hard-earned cash to buy a copy or two.
Today, two stores, SW Herb (www.swherb.com) and Dragonstar Gifts (www.dragonstargifts.com) bought copies of my book and plan to keep it in stock.
Before I was out of the first store, one woman picked up my book and started asking the owner about it. The customer loved the cover and talked about how she was sure she had seen the book somewhere. A part of me was thinking, “Oh she is mistaken.” But then I thought, “Duh, Sally, you have been pounding the pavement, airways, internet and everything else about this book. Don’t you think someone is going to recognize it?”
Of course my granddaughter, Rosannah, who is 3 years old, always points to my book and says “Grandma’s millions.” She can’t say erase negativity, but she likes the word millions (pronounced meeyons) and concentrates on that. Ah, the kid still wears a diaper but she knows that the word millions is much more positive than negativity. No one has trained her that you have to bust your butt, bang your head or cry a river of tears to be successful in life. In Rosannah’s world, Grandma is going to sell millions of copies of her book and that is that.
We grownups (or anyone old enough to read this) all experience problems. But what about the extra roadblocks we throw in our own path when we have self-defeating thoughts such as “I’m not good enough to be happy, successful etc, because (fill in the blank.) When we have these kinds of thoughts is it any wonder that we aren’t achieving our dreams?
Of course my co-author, Jackie, and I wrote the book to help people erase their negativity. We lived through our own issues and wanted to share what we learned on embracing optimism. We also need to remind ourselves that erasing negativity is an ongoing effort.
Anyway, every time I had doubts that I would be able to sell the book, I concentrated on the importance of the message, and not on all the naysayers who assert that it can’t be done. Guess what? It’s working. People are buying the book, reading it and spreading the word that there are simple tools that can help erase negative habits.
So here is my message for today. Concentrate on the gifts you can share with the world. Whether it’s a song, a book, a painting or simply a smile, you can make a difference. One by one we can erase the negativity in our lives. Perhaps one day life will be more like it is for Rosannah who doesn’t grasp the meaning of negativity, but knows that when she talks about “meeyons” she can make everyone in the room smile.
Also, if you get a chance, be sure to watch me on AZTV on Monday, Jan. 31 from 9 to 10 a.m., or watch for the clip on my website, www.erasenegativity.com.
I’ve sold and given away about as many of my books as I could to friends and family and now I’m faced with the fact that I now have to sell books to people who don’t know me. Of course this is going to be difficult. That is what everybody says, right? Even though I know the message in the book is desperately needed, there is that little nasty little insecure part of me that thinks the only people who will buy this book are people who feel obliged to do so because they know (or feel sorry) for me.
What a bunch of crap!
Most of the time I know better than this, but every once in a while my brain pulls out insecure garbage from the recesses of my brain and taunts me with old messages of unworthiness. In the past, I would listen to these messages. Heck, I invited them in and turned up the volume. I added new twists to my story of woe. It’s like watching the History Channel, except the history is my own short comings.
Now I change the channel and focus on more optimistic messages. And guess what? I’m being invited to speak to new audiences, stores are asking for my book, and perfect strangers are plunking down their hard-earned cash to buy a copy or two.
Today, two stores, SW Herb (www.swherb.com) and Dragonstar Gifts (www.dragonstargifts.com) bought copies of my book and plan to keep it in stock.
Before I was out of the first store, one woman picked up my book and started asking the owner about it. The customer loved the cover and talked about how she was sure she had seen the book somewhere. A part of me was thinking, “Oh she is mistaken.” But then I thought, “Duh, Sally, you have been pounding the pavement, airways, internet and everything else about this book. Don’t you think someone is going to recognize it?”
Of course my granddaughter, Rosannah, who is 3 years old, always points to my book and says “Grandma’s millions.” She can’t say erase negativity, but she likes the word millions (pronounced meeyons) and concentrates on that. Ah, the kid still wears a diaper but she knows that the word millions is much more positive than negativity. No one has trained her that you have to bust your butt, bang your head or cry a river of tears to be successful in life. In Rosannah’s world, Grandma is going to sell millions of copies of her book and that is that.
We grownups (or anyone old enough to read this) all experience problems. But what about the extra roadblocks we throw in our own path when we have self-defeating thoughts such as “I’m not good enough to be happy, successful etc, because (fill in the blank.) When we have these kinds of thoughts is it any wonder that we aren’t achieving our dreams?
Of course my co-author, Jackie, and I wrote the book to help people erase their negativity. We lived through our own issues and wanted to share what we learned on embracing optimism. We also need to remind ourselves that erasing negativity is an ongoing effort.
Anyway, every time I had doubts that I would be able to sell the book, I concentrated on the importance of the message, and not on all the naysayers who assert that it can’t be done. Guess what? It’s working. People are buying the book, reading it and spreading the word that there are simple tools that can help erase negative habits.
So here is my message for today. Concentrate on the gifts you can share with the world. Whether it’s a song, a book, a painting or simply a smile, you can make a difference. One by one we can erase the negativity in our lives. Perhaps one day life will be more like it is for Rosannah who doesn’t grasp the meaning of negativity, but knows that when she talks about “meeyons” she can make everyone in the room smile.
Also, if you get a chance, be sure to watch me on AZTV on Monday, Jan. 31 from 9 to 10 a.m., or watch for the clip on my website, www.erasenegativity.com.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Grouchy Relatives Beware!
Grouchy relatives beware.
Sally Marks, author of the self-improvement book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within will give a talk, “How to Cope with Grouchy Relatives During the Holidays” and sign copies of her book 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 17 at Mystic Moon Bookstore, 7119 E. Mercer Lane in Scottsdale.
The fee is $10 per person for those who prepay and $15 at the door. Following the interactive talk Marks will sign copies of her book. Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is available at the bookstore for $12.99.
“Grouchy relatives can be a burden during the holidays, but there are few simple tips that can help restore family harmony,” said Marks, an Arizona native and public relations expert. “The book is also a great holiday present.”
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.
Mystic Moon Bookstore is a New Age store that specializes in New Age books, CD’s and music, over 36 varieties of incense, Tarot Card decks, smudge sticks, crystals, jewelry, small ceremony bags and much more. For a calendar of events or more information visit www.mysticmoonbookstore.com or call 480-443-0136.
For more information about Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within and Author Sally Marks, call Marks Public Relations at 480-664-3004.
An added note: I know this is shameless self promotion, but this, after all, my blog. I hope a few of you will see this and attend. I'll probably have a new item to write about after the talk.
Sally Marks, author of the self-improvement book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within will give a talk, “How to Cope with Grouchy Relatives During the Holidays” and sign copies of her book 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 17 at Mystic Moon Bookstore, 7119 E. Mercer Lane in Scottsdale.
The fee is $10 per person for those who prepay and $15 at the door. Following the interactive talk Marks will sign copies of her book. Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is available at the bookstore for $12.99.
“Grouchy relatives can be a burden during the holidays, but there are few simple tips that can help restore family harmony,” said Marks, an Arizona native and public relations expert. “The book is also a great holiday present.”
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.
Mystic Moon Bookstore is a New Age store that specializes in New Age books, CD’s and music, over 36 varieties of incense, Tarot Card decks, smudge sticks, crystals, jewelry, small ceremony bags and much more. For a calendar of events or more information visit www.mysticmoonbookstore.com or call 480-443-0136.
For more information about Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within and Author Sally Marks, call Marks Public Relations at 480-664-3004.
An added note: I know this is shameless self promotion, but this, after all, my blog. I hope a few of you will see this and attend. I'll probably have a new item to write about after the talk.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Hope Springs Eternal for Rejected Author
I attended a Buddhist meeting last month and was asked to give an experience about having my book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, published. I have practiced Buddhism for 22 years and I’ve experienced a lot of benefits and personal growth, but the one area where I seemed to be falling short was in my lifelong dream to be a great writer.
I’m not a total slouch. I’ve won some awards, had articles published and even made a living in the writing world through my public relations firm, Marks Public Relations, but I have yet to sell a screenplay (although there are two movies out right now that bear remarkable similarities to two of my scripts) and I haven’t had a book on the best seller list.
However, I’m a stubborn and persistent woman. Every time I received a rejection I sent out three more queries in retaliation. When I ran out of publishing companies and agents, I contacted a few again with a slightly different letter. However, even the optimistic and perseverant have to change the game plan when it’s not working.
I decided to self publish and market the book myself.
If I must say so myself, I’m a darn good publicist. I write convincing copy with creative hooks, I have a plethora of media contacts and I never burn a bridge. I also have a passion for the message I’m trying to convey. Still, things were not happening for me. I expected a gusher, and all I was getting were little drips of publicity.
Then I studied to take a study exam based on the principles of my Buddhist practice. I’m pretty sure I passed, but I still think I missed a couple questions. So I decided to review it. One part stood out.
“A passage in the Six Paramitas Sutra says to become the master of your mind rather than let your mind master you.”
In the study guide it said: “Becoming the master of one’s mind ultimately means basing oneself on the unwavering foundation of the law.”
Bottom line, for SGI Buddhist practitioners, that means “basing ourselves on the Gohonzon and Nichiren’s writings.” Hmmm. I was basing my life’s work on the writing and law of journalism and publicity, not Nichiren Daishonin.
It was time to change course. I didn’t ignore my journalism training. Instead I put my Buddhist training first by chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo to elevate my life condition. My goal was to produce a result that would encourage others (and myself.)
At first, things went slowly. I called businesses to see if they would carry my book. One decided to carry it on consignment. Not the result I was hoping for. I had already sent out press releases and dropped my book off at the Phoenix TV stations. One, then two rejections came. In the meantime I wrote a story about feeling grumpy and stressed and how to overcome it. This was a bit ironic as I was feeling a bit grumpy and stressed myself, but I kept plugging away. And with my new determination to put my spiritual principles first and my secular training second, there was a big shift in the universe.
I submitted my feeling grumpy and stressed article to Diva Toolbox. Within hours the story was picked up by More Magazine’s online magazine. It was my first national exposure! Woohoo! A few minutes later I got an email from ABC’s Sonoran Living on channel 15 in Arizona asking me to be on their morning show on Nov. 10 to talk about erasing negativity and my book. A few minutes after that I received an email from an Arizona Republic reporter. She said the newspaper didn’t do book reviews, but if I could do an event, like a talk or a book signing, and as long as it was in Scottsdale, Paradise Valley or the Northeast Valley, they would do a story.
I emailed the one bookstore in Scottsdale, Mystic Moon Bookstore, that is carrying my book and asked if I could give a talk. She had just had a cancellation and I had my pick of two dates – Nov. 10 or Nov. 17. We decided to go with Nov. 17 and I’m going to talk about “How to Deal with Negative Relatives During the Holidays” and sell and sign copies of my book. I was ecstatic!
Finally, with all this potential publicity coming, I contacted one of my clients and told them I would be on the news and would they carry my book. They have 4 schools in Arizona and 17 in other states. My little drips of success were turning into a gusher.
I’ve practiced Buddhism for 22 years, so it’s not that I don’t know I should chant first, then take action. But I’m human. I know it’s better to be a master of your mind than vice versa. But sometimes we need to be reminded.
Believe it or not, sometimes I reread my own book to remind me to maintain an optimistic outlook by erasing the negativity that wants to sneak in when I’m not looking.
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is not a best seller yet, but I know it’s on its way. And those of you who know me, or read this blog, can help me. Please spread the word about the book.
And no matter what you do in life, pursue your passion and never, ever, ever give up. Once you do, there will be no chance of success. But as long as you plug away, you are one step closer to turning your little drips of success into a full blown gusher. Remember this great saying and apply it to your life like I do for mine: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”
I’m not a total slouch. I’ve won some awards, had articles published and even made a living in the writing world through my public relations firm, Marks Public Relations, but I have yet to sell a screenplay (although there are two movies out right now that bear remarkable similarities to two of my scripts) and I haven’t had a book on the best seller list.
However, I’m a stubborn and persistent woman. Every time I received a rejection I sent out three more queries in retaliation. When I ran out of publishing companies and agents, I contacted a few again with a slightly different letter. However, even the optimistic and perseverant have to change the game plan when it’s not working.
I decided to self publish and market the book myself.
If I must say so myself, I’m a darn good publicist. I write convincing copy with creative hooks, I have a plethora of media contacts and I never burn a bridge. I also have a passion for the message I’m trying to convey. Still, things were not happening for me. I expected a gusher, and all I was getting were little drips of publicity.
Then I studied to take a study exam based on the principles of my Buddhist practice. I’m pretty sure I passed, but I still think I missed a couple questions. So I decided to review it. One part stood out.
“A passage in the Six Paramitas Sutra says to become the master of your mind rather than let your mind master you.”
In the study guide it said: “Becoming the master of one’s mind ultimately means basing oneself on the unwavering foundation of the law.”
Bottom line, for SGI Buddhist practitioners, that means “basing ourselves on the Gohonzon and Nichiren’s writings.” Hmmm. I was basing my life’s work on the writing and law of journalism and publicity, not Nichiren Daishonin.
It was time to change course. I didn’t ignore my journalism training. Instead I put my Buddhist training first by chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo to elevate my life condition. My goal was to produce a result that would encourage others (and myself.)
At first, things went slowly. I called businesses to see if they would carry my book. One decided to carry it on consignment. Not the result I was hoping for. I had already sent out press releases and dropped my book off at the Phoenix TV stations. One, then two rejections came. In the meantime I wrote a story about feeling grumpy and stressed and how to overcome it. This was a bit ironic as I was feeling a bit grumpy and stressed myself, but I kept plugging away. And with my new determination to put my spiritual principles first and my secular training second, there was a big shift in the universe.
I submitted my feeling grumpy and stressed article to Diva Toolbox. Within hours the story was picked up by More Magazine’s online magazine. It was my first national exposure! Woohoo! A few minutes later I got an email from ABC’s Sonoran Living on channel 15 in Arizona asking me to be on their morning show on Nov. 10 to talk about erasing negativity and my book. A few minutes after that I received an email from an Arizona Republic reporter. She said the newspaper didn’t do book reviews, but if I could do an event, like a talk or a book signing, and as long as it was in Scottsdale, Paradise Valley or the Northeast Valley, they would do a story.
I emailed the one bookstore in Scottsdale, Mystic Moon Bookstore, that is carrying my book and asked if I could give a talk. She had just had a cancellation and I had my pick of two dates – Nov. 10 or Nov. 17. We decided to go with Nov. 17 and I’m going to talk about “How to Deal with Negative Relatives During the Holidays” and sell and sign copies of my book. I was ecstatic!
Finally, with all this potential publicity coming, I contacted one of my clients and told them I would be on the news and would they carry my book. They have 4 schools in Arizona and 17 in other states. My little drips of success were turning into a gusher.
I’ve practiced Buddhism for 22 years, so it’s not that I don’t know I should chant first, then take action. But I’m human. I know it’s better to be a master of your mind than vice versa. But sometimes we need to be reminded.
Believe it or not, sometimes I reread my own book to remind me to maintain an optimistic outlook by erasing the negativity that wants to sneak in when I’m not looking.
Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within is not a best seller yet, but I know it’s on its way. And those of you who know me, or read this blog, can help me. Please spread the word about the book.
And no matter what you do in life, pursue your passion and never, ever, ever give up. Once you do, there will be no chance of success. But as long as you plug away, you are one step closer to turning your little drips of success into a full blown gusher. Remember this great saying and apply it to your life like I do for mine: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
