The Taming of the Grouch

Have you ever wished you had a “refresh” button for your life? 

We acquire a fair amount of knowledge from study and personal experience, but at times it seems all it takes are a few setbacks, and poof, we revert to our old bad habits. 

It happened to me.

I was in a car accident a year ago which left me unable to do a lot of the physical activities I enjoy – including playing softball with my team, the Stingers. Nearly a year has passed. I received therapy, slowly began preparing my muscles by taking yogalates classes and now it was time to play ball again. I started off pretty good and got some solid hits, but in my enthusiasm to sprint to first base I pulled a hamstring muscle.  Part of the problem is I didn’t warm up properly. It was a knee jerk reaction – hit the ball and run. 

I have never been a powerful slugger like many of my teammates such as Mary Lou, Stella and Tracy, so part of my effectiveness as a softball player is being able to get a hit and beat out the throw to first base. The same formula is true with my fielding. I may not stop line shots like Kathy or Jo, or snag fly balls like Karen, June or Ruth, but if a ball gets past me at least I can chase it down at a respectable pace. The pulled hamstring was taking away my mobility edge.

Mary Lou and Shirley, our couch and manager, found pinch runners for me at the next game, but I batted a miserable 0 for 4. Needless to say I was not a happy camper. While in the dugout my teammates, Connie, Carla and Mo encouraged me. They reminded me that I had hit the ball solidly, it just had the misfortune of landing in our opponent’s mitts.  It happens to everyone, including our most powerful hitters. Still I was grousing and made a few negative remarks about my performance. 

Normally I am a “glass-half-full kinda gal,” so my pessimism raised a few eyebrows. My teammate, Jo, was especially surprised since she knew I not only valued an optimistic attitude, I penned a book about it (Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within.) She suggested I reread what I wrote.  Talk about a wake-up call.

That evening I pondered what Jo said. The hamstring pull was a pain, but certainly not the end of the world. What was causing me to unleash my inner grouch?

Upon reflection I realized I went into a slow, but steady downspin following my car accident the year before.  Over time, some of my positive routines disintegrated into bad habits. Instead of exercising like I would’ve liked to do, I had to be sedentary and heal. I began watching more television – including programs that were violent and depressing. This not only gave me nightmares, it affected my attitude. Slowly, but surely, I was giving my inner grouch permission to run amok.

Fortunately Jo’s comment caused me examine the issue and correct it. I was a little embarrassed with my flirtation with the dark side, but it’s not like I had total amnesia on all things hopeful.  I just needed a little refresher course. And being a middle child who likes to share, I thought many of you who normally embrace optimism, but occasionally relapse, might benefit from what I discovered. Here are a few tips on how to refresh your optimism.

·         1. Go back to the basics. It doesn’t matter if it’s your golf swing, a diet or life. Review the basic principles of what you are trying to achieve. Chances are you didn’t develop an esoteric tendency that nullifies ALL your past efforts, you just need to review some of the fundamentals. The good news is you don’t need to start from the beginning.  Just do a quick review, discover where you went astray, and get back on track.

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o    2. To prevent from going too far off course, monitor your progress on a weekly, monthly or quarterly basis. It can be a list, check-up sheet, journal or any tool of your choosing. The point is to have a barometer to measure your level of optimism.  When you review your emotions you can spot when your attitude is taking a nosedive and catch it before it becomes a serious problem.

3.  Create an internal emotional vibration that matches the positive things you want to manifest. You can’t attract happiness when you dwell on misery any more than you can make orange juice by squeezing an onion. Match your thoughts, speech, actions and emotions with your desired outcome, NOT YOUR FEARS.

In conclusion, remember we all make mistakes. No one is perfect, not even the self-help gurus. Also, I might add, nothing is gained by beating yourself up. For example my hamstring is healing, but it still hurts. I can complain about it for hours, but that doesn’t help. Not even a little. Instead I choose to look at this painful experience as a life lesson. Maybe I had to get a pain in the butt to learn how to not BE a pain in the butt.  Now how is that for a refreshing thought?

Root, Root, Rooting for the Home Team Gal

I was a happy, little ballplayer the other day. I hit the game-winning run in softball on Valentine’s Day. My team, the mighty Stingers, edged out the Fountain of the Sun team 7 to 6. While this may not seem like a news story worthy of ESPN, it was a big deal to me, and of course to my team.

We had a healthy advantage throughout the game, but our opponents chipped away at our lead until they had a breakthrough inning and scored enough runs to tie the game. The bottom of our batting order took up the challenge. Carol got a hit, followed by Deanna. Connie, who bats last in the lineup, smacked a nice shot and her pinch runner, Carla was safe at first. Now there were loaded bases and two outs.

I came up to bat and knew the pressure was on. I do my best when there are no runners on base. I play on a senior women’s team (for ladies 50 years and older) and a lot of the women cannot run that well due to past injuries. I can usually trot down to first base in a timely manner (especially when my teammate Karen screams “RUN!” like the fate of the world depended on it.) However, when there are runners on base I not only have to make sure that I get on, but that I don’t get the other runners out.

I walked up to the plate feigning more confidence than I felt. I generally take the first pitch to get a feel for things (and pray the pitcher will screw up and walk me.) Of course the pitcher’s first attempt was right across the plate. Darn. Then she tossed a couple of balls. The next pitch looked inside, but it wasn’t. Another strike. Now the count was 2 and 2. My hopes of walking and letting one of the stronger batters in the lineup take my place was quickly evaporating. When I have two strikes I’ll usually swing at anything that isn’t rolling on the ground or sailing over the backstop. She pitched the ball and I hit it. I took off to first base. I didn’t even stop to see where the ball went (it’s a bad habit I’m trying to break.) I got to first base and Shirley, the first base coach, gave me a congratulatory hand slap and said the game was won.

It was an important victory for the team as we had not been doing so well. We beat the team with the worst record the game before, but prior to that we had lost 9 straight games. Ouch. Unfortunately I was not able to bask in glory during the post game celebration as I had to pick up my spouse, CB, from the airport. However, our team manager and star player, Mary Lou, gave me a victory sucker (the candy type.)

So why am I telling you this story? Although I am happy to have come through for my team, the real message is about perseverance. I have never been, nor am I now, a great ball player. However, I do try to focus, give it my best, and make efforts to improve. At an age when a lot of folks would hang up their glove and move to safer past times, I am determined to succeed where I failed in my youth.

The same is true of the negative mindset I adopted for far too many years. I not only chose to reprogram my thinking, I decided to write about it. While co-authoring the book, Erase Negativity and Embrace the Magic Within, I interviewed several people who faced adversity and overcame it. The stakes were a lot higher than a recreational softball game. Some folks were abused, or abused themselves, businesses went bankrupt and other businesses were rebuilt. One mother dealt with the death of her only son, and a daughter tried to overcome the tragedy of her mother’s murder.

The book is a practical guide on how to reduce negativity and embrace happiness. From meth addicts to multi-millionaires, the book offers powerful experiences of individuals who have faced dramatic challenges, but did not lose hope. Using these compelling biographies, as well as practical advice and simple exercises, the reader is guided on an internal journey toward adopting a more joyful way to live.

Life is not about winning all the time. It’s about getting up after you’re down and trying again. So if you, or someone you care about needs some help erasing negativity, please visit www.erasenegativity.com. If you email me at MarksPR@cox.net and let me know you read this blog, I’ll even autograph the book and throw in free shipping as a bonus. I want to help others, but it still makes me feel good to know there are folks out there who read my articles and are rooting for my success as well.

A Dream Comes True

It was a cool, bright, morning. The Goodyear Blimp was flying overhead making its way toward the Waste Management Open Golf Tournament in Phoenix. Little did the pilot know that another monumental sports feat was about to happen at the Valle de Oro ball field in East Mesa, Arizona.

On February 26, 2010, Sally Marks, at the ripe ole age of 55, hit her first home run for the Stingers. I had just posted a blog the day before, so my loyal readers will have to wait a few days to learn about this feat. However, all my close friends and family were told as quickly as I could get the word out. In fact if I had the money to have the blimp fly a banner behind it to celebrate the occasion, I certainly would have done so.

Hitting a home run in softball has been on my Bucket List of things I wanted to do before I die, for many years. I’ve been playing senior women’s softball for five years, and the closest I’ve come to a homer was when I hit two triples in one game, four years ago. I played ball when I was in junior high and high school, and I never hit a home run in the six years I played. In fact, I don’t even think I hit a homer when I played in the front yard with my brother and neighborhood chums. But, let’s get this story back to the current century.

Lately, I have had poopy little hits that never see the green grass of the outfield. In fact, I have not hit anything better than a single all season long. But today was different.

I began my day much as I have in other games. I hit a ground ball to short stop – twice. Once I beat it out for a single, the other time they nailed me. However, when I went up to bat the next time, I recalled a dream I had the night before. I can’t remember the details, but the crux of it was to use anger as fuel to hit the ball. Since I’m a pretty good-natured person, this isn’t always easy for me. But this time I decided to put my nocturnal messages to good use.

There were two outs and no one on base. I stood at the plate and thought of a scenario that made me angry – real angry. As I waited for the right pitch, I growled under my breath. I am not sure if the catcher or umpire could hear me, but I did this loud enough that I could hear myself. I swung hard and connected with the ball. It sailed into center field. I ran hard to first base. The fielder missed the ball and it rolled past her. I had to keep going. I rounded second and Shirley, the third base coach, motioned for me to keep going. I ran toward her, fully expecting her to have me stop with a triple. But she didn’t. She waved for me to keep going. Not one to argue, I picked up the pace and crossed the plate with time to spare.

Everyone on the team came out to congratulate me. I jumped up and down with delight. Everyone joked that the Goodyear Blimp was there to witness this historical occasion. My homer sparked a two-out rally and more runs were scored, although I can’t tell you how many. The next time I was up to bat, I saw something I had never witnessed before. The fielders saw me and backed up a few feet. I was in heaven. I hit another good hit, as did several of our players. We played our best game ever and won 15-0.


Ironically, two days ago in our game before the tournament, the Stingers were stinkers. We couldn’t hit, we bobbled the ball and made errors that looked like they came straight out of a Three Stooges movie. But, just as in life, we put it behind us and moved forward.

After our first victory in the tournament, we played a second game against our arch rivals, The Desert Stars. We won again! That puts us 2 and 0 for the tournament. If it doesn’t rain tomorrow, we will be at it again. We just might win our first tournament.

Okay, you may ask. What is the morale of this story?

I thought about writing about using anger in a positive way. I also thought about a little ditty on friendship or the power of perseverance. Any of these topics would work. But somehow I don’t want to elaborate on that.

I just want to tell everyone that I hit a home run today and I’m one happy ball player. It may have taken five and a half decades, but I did it. And I just wanted to celebrate this moment with all of you. And also to let you know that it is never too late to achieve your dreams. So never, ever, pull yourself out of the game. Hang in there and keep on swinging – no matter what.